'An open letter to "sports parents": Can we please calm down.'

Dear parents of children who play sport, everywhere,

I have a request, just a teeny tiny one. Can we please calm down? Now hear me out.

I have been a 'sports parent' for about nine years. And I can't pretend to be a tiger sports parent. I lack the competitive 'give a toss' gene.

I am happy when my kids kick a goal and do a 'good tackle' or their team wins. Because the look of pride and joy on their faces makes me happy. But my happiness is not based on the outcome of their output. Just that they enjoy doing it.

But as the stakes grow higher and they get older, I am witnessing some questionable behaviour. It's all getting a bit yelly, a bit angry. And a bit, dare I say, over-invested.

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I wanted to know if I was alone in my quest for calm, so I reached out to other parents to see if they were feeling the same. To check the sports temperature sidelines across Australia. And their responses? A little bit scary.

So here are some examples of when things have been taken too far. And things we really should possibly avoid.

Worst case scenarios. We want to avoid the police getting involved (ideally):

"I was at a 13-year-old girl's AFL game. A child was sworn at and slapped across the face on the field by her opponent. The parent of the child who slapped our player then verbally abused us and threatened violence. The police were called." - *Mei.

"At an under 13s girls' game of soccer, one of the parents was standing too close to the sideline and wouldn't move. The opposition's parents and officials (at their home ground) asked him to move back. He refused, it got very heated, and the police came." - *Sally.

Violence is never the answer (especially when there are children around and, or worse, involved):

"I saw an opposition parent preventing another parent (from our team) from getting out of their car by holding, then shoving, their car door closed. He also verbally abused them." - *Priya.

"I've seen parents having a punch on the side of my son's school footy match." - *Jaqueline.

"I've seen a parent going onto the field of another school's footy match and shaking an opposition child before being taken out by that kid's parent." - *Olivia.

Cheering is fine, yelling (and definitely abuse) is not:

"In my child's age division (under 7s) there is another child we see at some races whose dad is next level. I'm talking running around the edge of the track, yelling at the kid while he's racing, jumping up and down, screaming to go faster, and then (sadly) berating the poor kid after the race for not trying and saying 'WTF was he doing out there?' Every time I see him I pity the poor kid." - *Marg.

"I had my daughter in tee-ball when she was four years old. This one parent screamed her head off at her child from the stands with instructions on what to do every game. She would jump up and down when he didn't hit the ball. She even yelled at the coaches a few times for not being fair. They were four years old." - *Aisha.

Leave the poor (often teen-aged refs) alone:

"At a football game my eleven-year-old nephew was playing in, the parents yelled at the 16-year-old umpire so hard over a call they made her cry. Disgusting." - *Sarah.

"I witnessed a father being physically removed by security and basketball officials from my (six-year-old) daughter's basketball game. The father was yelling at a 16-year-old ref that he had our coach 'in his pocket'! Wild scenes!" - *Isabella.

"A friend of mine was an Auskick umpire when we were 16. A dad kept screaming 'hot tits' at her. She warned the managers that the game would be forfeited by her if he didn't stop. He didn't stop, and she cancelled the game." - *Raya.

Medical care trumps 'the show must go on':

"My child had a dramatic collision with a larger child while playing under 8s soccer. I was coach and said I had to leave to take them to get medical care. A couple of parents were adamant that my child be goalkeeper until the end of the match as they did not seem that injured. My child had a broken collarbone. We found out later that the larger child was actually playing below their age bracket and was being encouraged to flatten opponents." - *Emma.

There is dangling carrots, and then there is just bribery:

"I saw a mother bribe their tween daughter with a Labubu doll if she didn't abuse her own team or the ref." - *Davina.

And a plea from someone on the 'inside':

"As someone who has coached/refereed/administrated sports for 20 years, the trouble with highlighting these stories is that the rest of the 'bad parents' sit there thinking they aren't the problem, because they aren't doing the unhinged behaviour.

But the real problem is the parents who don't listen to coaches, who fight with volunteers about policies and paying fees, who refuse to do the tiny amount of volunteering to help (like scoring a game) to help their kids, who tell their kids to ignore the coach, who tell their kids they deserve more court time, and they are amazing, who count their kids points and not their defence — they are the ones who scare away coaches and volunteers.

But they all think they are 'good' sporting parents because they aren't the ones punching someone on the sideline." - *Jan.

I know the AFL unofficial anthem says "it's more than a game". But maybe if we could just take it back to making it about the kids, not us. And actually just focus on the fun of the game.

I think Saturday mornings on the sidelines with our bacon and egg rolls will be more enjoyable for all of us.

Warm Regards,

You're laissez-faire ally,

Annaliese.

*names have been changed for privacy reasons.

Feature Image: Supplied.