'My life imploded when I was 43. This one thing finally led me to genuine happiness.'

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Last year, my life imploded overnight. At least, that's how it felt. In reality, there had been signs of the impending eruption, but I'd naively dismissed them as the 'tik-tok' of the clock instead of the breaking point that was coming.

To be honest, though, even if I'd identified the ticking sound for what it was, nothing could have prepared me for the reach of the eruption, or the extent of its collateral damage.

I was away on a work trip, enjoying the beauty of a solo holiday for the first time in more than a decade, when I took the call from my son.

From that moment on, hour after hour, day after day, came revelation upon revelation — each one shattering my world a little more.

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The sort of revelations that meant my life would never be the same. That meant the life I'd known for the years prior was a façade, and I would have to build a new one. The repeating cycle of shock, hurt and fear left me feeling like a roly-poly doll being knocked flat over and over again.

Each hit raised more questions, like 'why,' and most of all, 'how.' Every aspect of my life was impacted — my relationship, my children, my home, my work. Everything shifting, all at once. I was hit emotionally, financially, and practically.

But, like that doll, I kept getting back up.

I am a person who is prone to asking why ad nauseam, to analysing and examining and overthinking and trying to find the answers when things go wrong. I'm prone to wishing and wanting and hoping, and getting stuck in the hamster wheel of what-ifs. And yet, somehow, this time, I didn't.

Like the roly-poly doll, I didn't break. I remained intact.

Without knowing the term at the time, I had stumbled into something psychologists call Radical Acceptance. Instead of exhausting myself by resisting my new reality, instead of fixating on all the "should-haves" and "what-ifs," I found myself — almost instinctively — pulling back, and saying to myself: This happened.

I don't know why it happened. I'm sad it happened. But it happened. And this is my life now.

It wasn't giving up. It wasn't pretending I was okay with what had happened. It was simply acknowledging that no amount of replaying or rehashing could undo it.

And in that small shift, in accepting that reality was exactly as it was, I created the tiniest pocket of space to keep going.

To breathe. To start again. To move forward. And to be happy.

What is Radical Acceptance?

According to psychologist Carly Dober, what makes radical acceptance radical is that it involves mindfulness — engaging both emotion and logic.

"The approach encourages thoughtful actions instead of mindless reactions. When we can accept the situation as is, we can then make more logical decisions," she said.

This distinction is critical, because many people hear "acceptance" and assume it means giving up.

"Resignation and giving up also require no mindfulness, and they can be quite reactive, which is the exact opposite of the approach of radical acceptance," Dober added.

In fact, she says, radical acceptance is not about accepting people treating you badly or accepting poor behaviour from other people in your life – quite the opposite.

"People may incorrectly assume that radical acceptance is about accepting harsh behaviour, cruelty, injustice and other problems in life mindlessly when this is not the case. We are not trying to train people into learned helplessness. We are trying to support mindful engagement with emotions," she said.

Research backs up its power.

"Higher levels of emotional acceptance have been shown to reduce stress, anxiety and depression, and to increase psychological well-being and happiness levels," Dober explained. "Studies also show that acceptance of negative emotional experiences leads to more positive emotions, stronger expressivity, and smaller changes in blood pressure and heart rate."

There's also a physiological shift when people practise it, she said.

"This will be different for everyone, but broadly speaking, people who engage in mindfulness and use tools like radical acceptance will over time, with consistent practice, hopefully start to see more activation of their parasympathetic nervous system and less engagement of their sympathetic nervous system. Less 'fight or flight' and more 'rest and digest'," Dober said.

For people dealing with grief, trauma or relationship breakdown, this can be lifesaving.

"Radical acceptance involves embracing reality as it is, reducing suffering by letting go of resistance and judgment," Dober said.

"Radical acceptance can help people who are experiencing difficult situations by encouraging them to practice not liking nor wanting a situation, but accepting it as is and working on more practical ways to spend their energy or resources in ways that will be helpful to them. Often, we can spend a lot of energy and time ineffectively, or in ways that end up causing us more harm or distress."

Dober adds it can be particularly important for survivors of abuse, by helping them to process difficult emotions and situations with compassion.

"Regular practice of radical acceptance can enhance emotional resilience and improve mental wellbeing, fostering a balanced approach to their challenges — not blaming themselves for other people's actions for example," she said.

In the cases of abuse, timing is critical. Radical acceptance would not be encouraged for someone who is currently in a domestic violence relationship, or who is being coercively controlled in any way.

"This would be more helpful when they have safely left the situation or relationship," she saod.

Practising it in daily life.

The first step to practising radical acceptance in daily life is to start letting go of the 'should-haves,' 'would-haves,' and 'could-haves.'

"These are not realistic, they are hypothetical and can lead to unnecessary distress," Dober said.

"Remind yourself that you cannot change the past or predict the future. All we have is the current moment. We cannot know what will happen in the future, and we must let go of past events.

"They are beyond our control. No human is perfect, we all make mistakes. Recognition of our humanity does not mean guilt or shame, but the goal is to alleviate the burden of the need to feel perfect and have a perfect life."

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Looking back now, I can see that this is what helped me survive when my world fell apart. I wasn't okay with what happened to me. I was hurting. I was overwhelmed. But I wasn't in denial.

And that acceptance gave me the strength to stop burning energy on the "why?" and start investing it into the "what now?"

It allowed me to stand up again and again, not because I wasn't hurting, but because I could see clearly where my strength needed to go. Into my children. Into my work. Into rebuilding my home. Eventually, into myself. And over time, that strength created something.

Not the life I once thought I had, but a new one – meaningful, stable, and built on truth.

Feature Image: Supplied.