'Upwards of $200K on legal and court fees.' A family lawyer shares the true cost of divorce.

Going through a divorce is considered one of the most stressful experiences in life. It’s right at the top of the list with the death of a loved one, having a major illness or injury and being incarcerated. 

Before going through a divorce, it can be challenging to comprehend how debilitating the process is.

Watch: People admit when they knew it was time for a divorce in one of The Motherish Confessions video series. Stories continues after video.

Although staying in an unhappy relationship is definitely not what I recommend, it's helpful to know what kind of losses to expect before you start the process of separating. This is how much divorce can really cost you on all levels – financial, emotional, social, mental and professional.

Rebuilding identity

Everything we do in life shapes who we believe we are. Our relationships have a significant influence on our identity as we create our sense of self based on how we act in our relationship, the role we play and how our partner treats us. A divorce can leave us questioning who we are without our relationship with our spouse. This can be unnerving as we lose our identity and struggle to remember who we are without our partner.

Loss of friends and family

Unfortunately, when people divorce, they often lose contact with the friends and family of their ex-spouse. Often strong bonds have been created, which, when severed, can lead to grief, loss and loneliness. If the breakup turns nasty, it might pressure friends to “choose sides”, which can cause further conflicts and relationship losses.

Enormous legal costs

Pursuing a property settlement through the court can be a substantial financial burden. If you and your ex cannot come to an agreement through negotiations or official mediation, you can expect to spend upwards of $200K on legal and court fees. On top of this, one party might struggle to build a new life by having to find a new home or job, which can cause extra financial stress.

Stress of litigation in the traditional pathway

Being embroiled in litigation has overarching effects both physically and mentally. It is no secret that litigation fatigue exists and you can often find yourself tired, unable to sleep, focus and your appetite can also be affected. You struggle to make logical rational decisions because you are constantly in fight-or-flight mode and your nervous system is in overdrive. The impact on your physical health can include aches, pains, nausea and constant headaches due to the impact of litigation. 

Penalties on employment and career

Divorce can impact your career if you underperform at work or call in sick due to stress or grief. Additionally, if you have become a single parent because of the breakup, you may struggle to create a new routine or need to move to a job with lower responsibilities to accommodate your children’s schedule. This can have long-lasting effects on your employment as you might miss out on promotions or opportunities to advance your career.

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If life gives you lemons…

As the saying goes, if life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Although going through a divorce is an incredibly challenging time, there are a few things you can do to come out of the other side as your best self. 

Firstly, use the extra time you have gained by becoming single wisely. Of course, you will need time to grieve. However, also focus on reinventing yourself. Move into the future as your true authentic self. Make sure you do the difficult inner work to discover what happened in the relationship and what role you might have played in the relationship breakdown. It's painful to look deep into yourself, but working through it will pay off in the long term. Lastly, focus on being a better parent when the kids are with you. Use your new energy to be present with them. Creating a bond with them is a lifelong investment in your social and emotional health.

The author of this article created Detox Your Divorce, in order to provide an array of supports including, yoga, nutritional support, divorce coaching, grief coaching, financial support services and more. You can find out more here.

Feature Image: Getty.

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