'I became a tradwife at 19. It was nothing like social media.'

Growing up, Gina Guddat was taught that her role in life was to become a mother, stay home, and tend to her family.

At home, gender roles were enforced. In the classroom, she learned about purity rings and abstinence.

A woman's role was to be the caretaker, to nurture, to birth and to raise. Sex outside of marriage was sinful. Getting pregnant? Well, that was even worse.

"In the time that I was in school in the 80s, it was mostly just silence, shame, lack of information," she told Mamamia.

"But the big scary thing is don't get pregnant and don't get pregnant outside of wedlock, right? Because that would be really shameful for your family."

Watch: Nara Smith preps for her husband. Article continues below.

Her belief system was built on fear — fear of sin, fear of shame, fear of disappointing God and family.

So, when Gina fell in love with her boyfriend in high school, marriage seemed like the next appropriate step. It didn't matter that she was 19 and her friends were heading off to college. This was what Gina thought she had to do.

"I felt like I was in love, so I had to hurry up and get married, which pretty much short-changed my education," she said.

While Gina's friends were studying, she was playing house — only this was no longer a game.

"I did all the cooking, all the cleaning, all my husband's laundry, folded his shorts, and all of his business clothes. And then I was at church anytime the church was open," she said.

There were some freedoms she was allowed — a part-time job at a kitchenwares store. But most of her time was spent tending to the home, raising their three daughters, and attending church.

The tradwife lifestyle has become popularised on social media, where women like Nara Smith and Hannah Neeleman showcase their lives, cooking meals from scratch and caring for their children while their husbands work. But there's a key difference — these women are profiting from their lifestyles and hold power in their relationships as intelligent businesswomen with millions of followers. Gina's reality was starkly different.

"We were there morning, noon, and night, teaching Bible study and going to classes," she said.

Gina got married at 19. Image: Supplied.

At home, the power dynamic was clear.

"He was the one who made the decisions in the house and I just had to go along with it," she said.

But as time went on, cracks started to show. Her husband would ignore her, coming home from work only to go straight to bed. Conversations became one-sided commands.

"Just being quiet was a good thing," Gina learned. "Don't really talk back because you're going to get slammed."

He controlled their finances and monitored her movements. Every coffee purchase could be criticised, every outing questioned.

"When the man controls all the money, you don't really have any say about your future," she said. "I wasn't an equal decision maker."

Gina started an aerobics business through the church, the only place acceptable for group exercise. Image: Supplied.

The lightbulb moment came 10 years in, when Gina stepped outside her insular world. Until then, everyone in her life — dentist, hairdresser, friends — had belonged to the church. It was the only school of thought she'd known.

But when Gina decided to further her education and study world religions, everything shifted.

"I started to really see the control," she said.

She tried to leave her relationship, but quickly realised the trap: "My kids were little and I didn't have the resources to pay for daycare. I wasn't going to be able to make it on my own."

So, she hatched a plan. She would play the long game for another decade, becoming educated and finding ways to support herself and her children.

Today, Gina works as a couples therapist and author. Image: Supplied.

Through studying for a Bachelor's and Master's in psychology and completing an internship at a domestic violence agency, Gina finally understood her experience.

"These women came in and I'm like, 'That sounds like me,'" she said. "I didn't realise I was a victim of domestic violence. I didn't see myself as a battered wife because I didn't have bruises on my body."

When she eventually decided to leave, the response from the church community was overwhelmingly negative.

She received letters damning her decision: "God was not going to bless me and abandoning my husband was going against a covenant contract and vows I had taken before God."

Gina, right, with her daughters. Image: Supplied.

Navigating life as a single mum brought its own challenges. Her three daughters were teenagers — 13, 14, and 15 — at a crucial time in their development.

"It was difficult because the kids were at that age where they were learning about relationships," Gina said. "They were trying to get their education done, thinking about being college-bound."

Like many women in abusive relationships, Gina had shielded her children from the worst of it. They knew their father was sometimes angry, that things happened behind closed doors, but the full extent remained hidden.

"When you're in a relationship like this, you tend to protect your children," she explained.

The financial reality was harsh. All three girls had to find jobs because Gina "didn't have much."

"They were survivors," she said simply.

When she turned 40, Gina realised she did want to find love again, but she was determined not to repeat her past.

What followed was a decade of intentional dating. One hundred and fifty first dates. A carefully crafted list of must-haves and deal-breakers.

Despite all her strategic online dating, which she still recommends as "a good exercise" in self-discovery, Gina met her second husband organically, on a hiking trail.

"We kept building our friendship from 2017 and got married in 2021," she said. "There were no red flags."

Gina during her second wedding. Image: Supplied.

Today, Gina travels the world establishing women's shelters and safe houses. She works as a couples therapist and author, helping others navigate the complexities of relationships and power dynamics.

Her transition from victim to advocate wasn't just a career pivot.

In every decision she makes, Gina thinks of that 19-year-old girl who believed her worth was measured by her husband's approval.

The girl who thought marriage meant surrendering her voice, her choices, her future.

"It wasn't very glamorous," Gina reflected on those early years. "But it was sold as the most noble thing — get married and have kids."

Now she knows the difference between choosing a traditional life and having it imposed. Between partnership and control. Between love and fear.

And she's spent the last two decades making sure other women know the difference too.

Feature image: Supplied/Gina Guddat.