'What I learned the year I had 3000 orgasms.'

Ah, data. Some people use them to track fitness goals or monitor spending habits. Me? I used it to track my orgasms.

After two sexless years at the end of my marriage, I was on a mission to reclaim my pleasure and redefine my connection to intimacy with my new partner. As a self-proclaimed data nerd, it felt natural to turn my sex life into something measurable: something I could analyse and learn from. Over the course of 2020, while others were baking sourdough or bingeing Netflix, I meticulously tracked 3,000 orgasms with my partner, using data to uncover patterns, optimise my experiences, and ultimately unlock a deeper sense of joy and connection.

Watch: In Mamamia's podcast, This Glorious Mess, Sarah Marie talks about the dilemma of sex after having kids. Post continues after video.

What I discovered was far more profound than I expected. Tracking my sex life wasn't just about numbers, it was about reclaiming my agency, understanding my body, and deepening my relationships. Here's what I learnt and why it might matter to you, too.

The science of pleasure: discovering my 'sweet spot'.

The first thing I learnt was the power of timing. By logging every experience, I uncovered what I call my 'pleasure window' — the time of day when I'm most primed for pleasure. For me, it's late mornings, around 11 a.m. At first, I thought this was just a coincidence, but a little statistical analysis confirmed it. Morning sessions during this window consistently led to more frequent and intense orgasms.

This discovery was a game-changer. I began prioritising these moments of self-care, even scheduling them alongside work meetings and workouts. While 'scheduling sex' might sound unromantic, it was one of the most empowering decisions I made. It gave me control over my pleasure and created an exciting sense of anticipation.

Variety is more than the spice of life — it's essential.

Another standout finding was the importance of variety. My data revealed that trying something new: a different toy, a novel setting, or an unfamiliar technique, often led to more intense and memorable experiences. Routine, while comforting, can sometimes dull the edges of excitement.

This inspired me to experiment more and share my discoveries with my partner. At first, he found it amusing — "Your app says tomorrow at 11am is prime time?" — but soon he saw the benefits. Planning our intimate moments around my findings brought a fresh sense of playfulness and connection to our relationship.

We approached these experiments with curiosity and humour. And while not every attempt was a resounding success, the act of trying kept our relationship dynamic and exciting.

Not every encounter was perfect — and that's okay.

While some sessions were euphoric, others were, well, meh. And that's perfectly fine. Tracking those less-than-stellar moments was just as valuable as logging the highlights. Stress, fatigue, or being 'out of the zone' all had clear effects on my experiences. Over time, I could see patterns emerge. For instance, sleepless nights or high-stress days correlated with fewer orgasms and less satisfaction.

By viewing my intimate life holistically, I gained a deeper understanding of how external factors impacted my pleasure. This awareness allowed me to adjust my habits — whether that meant prioritising rest, carving out moments of relaxation, or simply giving myself grace when things didn't go as planned.

The bigger picture: pleasure as self-care.

By the end of the year, I realised that the greatest gift of this experience wasn't the orgasms themselves; it was the self-awareness I gained. Tracking my intimate life taught me that pleasure isn't just a random occurrence. It's something we can nurture, prioritise, and explore with intention.

For many women, intimacy can feel uninspired or even like a chore amidst the demands of daily life. But tuning into my patterns — exploring what worked and what didn't — opened up a world of possibilities. I discovered that pleasure is more than a thrill. It's a form of self-care, resilience, and even healing.

Beware of the data trap.

While tracking was life-changing for me, it's not for everyone. There were moments when I found myself overly focused on the numbers, worrying whether each encounter would 'measure up'. Pleasure shouldn't feel like a performance metric. If you're considering tracking your intimate life, approach it with curiosity and avoid letting data overshadow the experience itself.

Why my story matters to you.

I might be the only person to have tracked 3000 orgasms in a year, but the lessons I learnt are universal. This journey was about more than just numbers. It was about reclaiming my sexual agency, celebrating my body, and finding joy in connection.

Whether you're feeling disconnected, bored, or simply curious, exploring your own patterns can be transformative. You don't have to track every detail — just tuning into what lights you up can make a world of difference. Who knows? You might discover your own 'pleasure window' or uncover small changes that lead to great satisfaction.

The takeaway.

Tracking my intimate life was an experiment in both science and sensuality. It gave me a deeper understanding of myself and my partner, helped me prioritise pleasure, and reminded me of the profound connection between mind, body, and joy.

So, what would happen if you approached your sex life with the same intentionality you bring to other areas of your life? Whether it's a new level of communication with your partner, exploring your desires, or simply carving out time for self-care, the possibilities are endless.

And while 3000 orgasms might not be your goal, finding your unique rhythm and reclaiming your pleasure is worth every moment of discovery.

3000 Orgasms: How I went from a Sexless Marriage to a Multi-Orgasmic Wonderland by Rebecca Ferguson.

Rebecca Ferguson is a Melbourne-based sex and relationship coach and author of the forthcoming, 3000 Orgasms: How I went from a Sexless Marriage to a Multi-Orgasmic Wonderland. The book will be available for purchase from January 31, 2025.

In 2020, during the lockdown of the pandemic, she used the sex tracking app, "Nice," to track her sexual episodes and achieved more than 3000 orgasms in a year.

Follow her on Instagram, X, TikTok and Substack or visit her website.

Feature image: Supplied.