'I thought I had found my village in a mothers' group. Then my child was diagnosed.'

Motherhood is a magical, exhausting, life-changing journey; one where support is crucial.

For the lucky ones, a mothers' group becomes a lifeline — a place of solidarity and sanity. But for others, the search for a "village" ends in an unexpected battlefield.

You join a group, whether it be online or physical, hoping for advice on sleep schedules, potty training, or just someone to commiserate with during a 3am feed. However, for a distinct few, that hope is replaced by navigating social hierarchies that feel more Mean Girls than supportive community.

Actress Ashley Tisdale recently wrote in The Cut about leaving a "toxic mom group" after feeling excluded and belittled. The fallout from the essay was swift and savage, and has prompted a wider debate about the culture of these circles.

Mamamia asked readers to share their own experiences. The responses we received were honest, raw, and at times profoundly painful.

From passive-aggressive comments to exclusionary clique dynamics, Australian women shared their honest experiences and what they wish they'd known before joining.

Listen: Mamamia Out Loud's notes on the 'toxic mum group drama. Post continues below.

The rise of the 'alpha mum.'

For some, the toxicity starts at the top.

One respondent rated her school mum group an eight out of 10 on the toxicity scale. The reason for the drama was an "Alpha Mum" dynamic that forced every other member to choose a side.

"It started with an alpha mum falling out with another mum," she shared.

"She began ostracising her and wanted the whole group to follow suit. Because I refused to take sides and called them both out on their behaviour, I was slowly ignored."

The isolation wasn't just digital. The mother describes being excluded from social and family events; the last straw came when she didn't get invited to a particular event.

"A group event I would have previously been included in and wasn't, posted all over social media," she said.

"It hurt a lot. [They said] they didn't think I would want to go."

The Working Mum vs. The 'Sticky Beaks.'

The tension between different parenting choices, particularly the divide between working and non-working mums, was a recurring theme.

One mother, who participated in her primary school's P&C, described a culture of constant, low-level "judginess."

"There were continued comments by the non-working mums to the working mums, like, 'Oh, it's nice you've been able to come to something,' as you've rushed from work to a 5pm meeting," she said.

"Or the comments about 'us mums who support the school with these activities' when they are reporting about an event that happened during the day to remind you that you were not there."

The toxicity reached a fever pitch during a deeply personal crisis.

When she was going through a divorce and had to sell her house, she discovered a group of mums had turned her open house into a social outing.

"I found out a group of them had made an outing of it to come to my open house to have a 'sticky beak.' They brought their kids to play in my kids' rooms and then regrouped to have a great chat about me having to sell because of the divorce."

Watch: We break down the Ashley Tisdale and Hollywood 'toxic mum' group drama. Post continues below.

The secret chat within the chat.

Online groups can offer a unique brand of drama.

For one first-time mum, the "honesty" of online groups was a double-edged sword. On one hand, it was a place to vent about partner frustrations or parenting anxiety. On the other, it was a breeding ground for exclusion.

"A second group chat was made by one of the ladies, which excluded some members," she explained.

"It was made because she claimed the excluded women already had their own side group chat, which apparently bitched about everyone else."

In the digital world, the "honesty" of the group can turn into judgment, especially when it comes to divisive topics like sleep training.

"People's opinions on sleep or just talking about sleep when someone is not getting sleep will inevitably lead to someone leaving the chat," she added.

Her survival tip: "Ask your doctor, not your mother's group. Also, don't take it too seriously — your baby doesn't care about having friends, and you don't have any time to have friends anyway, so just chill."

The cost of not 'conforming.'

Perhaps the saddest stories come from those who were made to feel like outsiders because of their circumstances.

One mother explained that she joined a local meetup group as a young, single mother. From the start, she felt the "adult mean girls" vibe.

"I was the youngest in the group and the only single mum, so I was already different," she recalled.

The tipping point came when her child missed developmental milestones and was later diagnosed with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder).

Instead of receiving support, she was "iced out."

"When my child was diagnosed, it was all over for me in the group," she said.

Even twenty years later, the impact of that rejection lingers.

"I feel pangs of guilt that I 'failed' mothers' group," she said.

How to survive the mothers' group jungle.

If there is one common thread in these stories, it is that the "village" promised sometimes turns into more of a thicket.

Whether it's being judged for careers, a relationship status, or a child's development, the pressure to conform can prove immense.

So, how do you navigate it?

Recognise the signs early: If there's an "alpha" figure demanding loyalty or secret chats designed to exclude, it's not a support group — it's a clique.

Boundaries are your best friend: It's okay to be in the group for the information (like school dates) but out of the group for the drama.

Find your real people: A toxic group of fifty is worth far less than one or two genuine friends who won't "sticky beak" at your house or judge your parenting choices.

Know when to leave: Sometimes the best thing you can do is leave and never look back. Your worth as a mother is not defined by your membership in a WhatsApp chat.

Feature image: Getty.