As told to Ann DeGrey.
Six months ago, my world came crashing down. I was engaged to a man I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. Harry* and I had been together for four years, and for most of that time, I truly believed we were happy — at least I was happy. It was at the stage where I already knew where I wanted our wedding to be, how many kids we'd have and where we'd eventually buy a house.
Then one day, seemingly out of nowhere, he told me he "needed space." A week later, he admitted he'd met someone else; someone younger, someone he'd been chatting with at his swimming club. Her name was Lily*, and apparently, she was full of the kind of energy and spark he claimed he was "missing" in our relationship.
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He moved out the same night. I was inconsolable. I cried for weeks. I couldn't eat, I could barely sleep, and everywhere I went, I half-expected to see him. I kept looking at my phone, hoping he'd call and say he'd made a huge mistake. But he didn't. He moved on. Very quickly.
While I struggled to get through each day, I leaned heavily on my friends, especially my closest friend Abby*. She was there for me when I couldn't drag myself out of bed, when I wanted to text him late at night, when I deleted and reinstalled Instagram multiple times, trying not to stalk him. She kept telling me I deserved better. She told me that I'd be okay. That he was an idiot.
So I don't know how we ended up in a situation that meant I will never talk to her again.
Abby invited me on a girls' getaway with a small group of friends. She promised a "chill weekend" away at a country cottage a couple of hours outside of Sydney. Wine, movies, walks, good company. "Just what you need," she said.
I hesitated because I'd been slowly getting better, but I still wasn't quite myself. I had a weird gut feeling that I shouldn't be going on this trip. But Abby really pushed and told me it was time to "start living again." She was very convincing, so I decided to go away with her.
We arrived on a Friday night. The house was gorgeous, and I felt excited about having a peaceful weekend. She told me we were staying in a guest cottage, and I needed to change into better clothes as she had a special surprise for me. We met the other two women who were friends with Abby, and we all walked up to the main house.
At first, I was very puzzled to see the balloons. Fairy lights. A banner across the fireplace that read "She Said Yes!" At first, I didn't get it. I just stood there, very confused. Then I heard a familiar voice. Harry's voice. Yep, there he was — my ex-boyfriend — stepping into the room with his arm around her. The girl he left me for. Her hand was on his chest, and I immediately noticed the ring on her finger.
As for me, I was frozen. I'm sure my jaw dropped. I actually felt sick. They didn't see me at first, thank God. I didn't wait for them to. I turned around, stumbled out of the house, and ran back to the cottage. I didn't say a word to anyone. I just got in my car and left.
Later that night, I got a dozen messages from Abby. She played dumb at first; said she thought I "knew." When I called her, blasting her for deceiving me, she admitted she hadn't told me on purpose.
"I thought it would be good for you," she said.
"You need to face it. This way you can finally move on."
Move on? By being ambushed? By seeing the man who crushed me looking like he'd never loved me at all? We had a huge fight which involved a lot of name-calling. I couldn't believe someone I trusted could do something so mean.
But the more I thought about it, the more I started seeing things clearly. Over the years, Abby had made little jabs at me. About my job, my family, my relationships, even my looks. I always brushed these off as jokes. That weekend wasn't about helping me heal. It was about power. It was about Abby trying to "fix" me. But I now think it was more about her wanting to see me broken.
Losing my boyfriend was awful, but losing a friend who pretended to care while secretly enjoying my pain hurt me even more.
I'm moving on, but I will no longer tolerate any more toxic friendships. And I will never again ignore the feeling in my gut when something feels wrong. I never wanted to go on that trip in the first place, it was only Abby pushing me that made me change my mind. Thank goodness I left the engagement party immediately. Because that gut feeling saved me. Just in time.
*Names have been changed due to privacy.
The author of this story is known to Mamamia but remained anonymous for privacy purposes.
Feature image: Getty.
