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'I've been told I'm "too much" my whole life. This scene is everything my younger self needed.'

I was immediately drawn to Lena Dunham's Too Much series because I've been told I am 'too much' my whole life. Since I can remember. Those words used to haunt me, and became my internal critic: "They will find me too much."

Then came boys.

In high school, I truly was too much for teenage boys. They liked being my friend, but date me? I was too outspoken, too loud, too fiery and, well, too much.

Watch: The Too Much trailer. Post continues below.


Video: Mamamia

ICYMI (the show, no big spoilers here, I promise).

If we think about the phrase "too much", it's historically been used to police women's emotions, opinions, and presence — especially when those don't fit into neat, palatable boxes.

The Netflix series follows Jessica (Megan Stalter), a heartbroken thirty-something New Yorker who could definitely be described as 'too much' by some. She's loud, emotional, irrational, and outshines even me in oversharing.

She is fabulous, by the way.

During her first night in London, she meets musician Felix (Will Sharpe). What starts as a hookup quickly becomes something deeper than expected.

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Image: Netflix.

In episode four, during a post-party fight, came the scene that changed everything for me. Quite literally, it ripped my younger self's heart from my chest.

Jessica has deep insecurities from her last relationship and she's constantly looking for red flags in Felix. Realising this, he said, "I feel like you're obsessively scanning me for red flags. I am not sitting here assessing you for red flags because it's not how my brain works, but if I did..."

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Then he started listing out some red flags — one of them made me cringe in familiarity when he said "you send crazy long texts one after the other, multiple paragraphs before I've even checked my phone, you've sent me an essay."

Oops, I can do that. Okay, I do that.

Then came the moment.

But that wasn't what made me feel most seen. It was the moment mid-fight when Felix said, almost under his breath, "Too much, man. Too much"

My heart dropped.

Jessica defensively screamed, "Maybe I'm not too much, maybe you're just not enough."

I felt her pain, her defensiveness. The maybe's gave it away.

I wasn't single in my thirties like Jessica — I was married by 27. But when I began dating again at 38, I did worry men would find me too much. Not immediately, but eventually. Like a moth to flame — it's fun at first, but burns after a while.

So, I made myself smaller. Held parts of myself back.

The cleverly written episode made us think he'd realised our greatest fear. That Jessica was too much.

But he went on to say: "You're too much, like it's a good thing. Like just the right amount and then a little bit more." And they kissed and made up.

Swoon.

Peeling back the layers.

Felix isn't dismissing Jessica's intensity or pretending her "red flags" don't exist. Instead, he's saying "I see all of you — the overwhelming texts, the emotional intensity, the lot — and I choose you because of it, not despite it."

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It's the difference between tolerance and celebration.

It brought me right back to my younger self, my doubtful self. What that girl would have given to hear those words from a boy.

Listen: It's the season of TV romance — these are the best romantic shows of all time.

But now?

I am in my self-acceptance era. I don't need to hear it from a boy (well, man). It's taken nearly forty years for me to fully embrace the parts of me that I was told were too much.

I love life, I laugh big, I love big, I tend to overshare, including my opinion — and I like to have fun.

I genuinely believe if I'm too much for anyone, then they are not worthy of my time. Anyone who thinks that is quite simply not enough. The people in my life who love me love it too, and I wouldn't change it for anything, for anyone.

I just hope that little young hot messes everywhere watching this, who have always been told they are too much, realise it's actually a good thing a lot quicker than I did.

You're not too much. You're just the right amount and a little bit more.

Feature Image: Supplied/Netflix.

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