'Use dolls to model emotional awareness.' A child psychologist on the 4 ways to raise an empathetic kid.

As a mum, I often sit back in awe, watching my daughter grow and explore the world around her. 

I find myself listening to her babble to herself while she colours in, or watching as she cooks her dolls breakfast at her play kitchen. She even recently picked up her pretend phone to call the doctor when she saw I had a pimple on my cheek (thanks hormones!). 

Pretend play is one of the simplest ways that children learn about themselves and the world around them, according to Child and Adolescent Clinical Psychologist, Emily Hanlon.

“Pretend play is one of the first ways children learn about their interests, dislikes, and their own abilities. It nurtures imagination, storytelling, language, and social skills, and develops empathy for others and the world around them," says Emily.

“If you have ever watched children role play with Barbie dolls, you may notice that the dolls often become versions of the child and those around them, a tool in which the child expresses their emotions and reactions to imaginary situations.”

“This is known as Theory of Mind”, Emily continues. "A child’s capacity to understand that others' thoughts, feelings, and opinions may be different from their own – one of the key building blocks of empathy.”

To help parents understand how they can raise an empathetic child, Emily Hanlon gave Mamamia parents a list of 4 things we can do, starting now!

1. Understand their emotions as being the core of any behaviour 

“I always say, you don’t have to agree with your child’s behaviour, but you do have to empathise with the emotions underlying them," explains Emily.

“Instead of saying, ‘I cannot believe you hit your brother, you CANNOT hit’, you could try saying, ‘I can see you just hit your brother, you must be having some big feelings. What could those feelings be?'"

Emily notes that this approach takes a lot of active listening from us as parents, but it can really pay off. “Instead of focusing on the behaviour we see, we are listening to what the behaviour is trying to tell us.”

It is also an important first step to helping children problem-solve. 

“When we focus on behaviour instead of emotions, we end up focusing on the 'wrong' thing and we cannot help a child resolve a situation. Unpacking the emotions helps children to self-reflect and ensure they don’t repeat the cycle next time," Emily adds.

2. Use dolls to model emotional awareness

Sometimes, it is a lot easier for children to explore feelings in their toys, than it is in themselves, making Barbie dolls such a helpful developmental toy to use.

“When looking at stages of emotional development, we see that children can explain the feelings of their dolls before they can explain them in themselves," says Emily. 

“Research shows that when children play with open-ended toys, such as Barbies, they are encouraged to develop their imaginary play skills and explore their worlds in fun and interesting ways, an important foundational skill for social skill development," explains Emily.

Exploring imaginary worlds also helps children to communicate their own needs and desires through their dolls.

“This pretend play with dolls activates regions in the brain that allow children to explore social skills such as empathy and communication, and subsequently use these skills in real-life situations," Emily adds.

Parents can use this to their advantage by role-playing scenarios using Barbie dolls to explore different feelings that certain situations trigger, and showing their child how to care for others.

“I often encourage parents to take a step back and simplify their child’s play”, says Emily. 

“You don’t need to invest in hundreds of toys, but rather ensure that the toys and dolls you do choose, can be used in a variety of ways and across different ages.”

“Not only are Barbies the most culturally diverse doll line available on the market, the range of Barbie career options available also remind children that they can be anything, with over 200 careers and counting. This gives children a valuable sense of empowerment and connection to the world they live in.”

3. You’ve got to name it to tame it

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According to Emily, building children’s emotional vocabulary helps them manage their emotions and helps with the development of empathy. 

After all, how can a child work through a big feeling or recognise it in someone else if they can’t identify what that feeling actually is?

“Research shows that children who understand a variety of emotion words are more likely to have greater knowledge of emotional regulation strategies," says Emily. 

“Introducing emotion vocabulary, modelling emotional awareness, and providing examples to children is key.”

One way to do this? Playing charades. 

“Take turns acting out different feelings so that children can use body clues to guess your emotion, and then use their own body clues to express emotions back to you. Introduce a new emotion word each time you play," suggests Emily. 

4. Don’t underestimate the power of you 

And remember, you are the most valuable resource you can use in your child’s development. We often think we need to hide our own feelings from our children in order to ‘protect them’ but this only means we aren’t actually showing them that expressing feelings is okay. 

“Modelling appropriate emotional awareness and expression can be one of the most beneficial things we do for our children, because children learn by observing significant others in their lives, and are more likely to do the same," explains Emily.

So next time you’re upset, frustrated, or angry, let your kids know! Whether it be big or small, acknowledge it, and share it. 

“Say something like, ‘Mum is feeling frustrated right now because we are in a rush and I can’t get the lid off this jar! When I feel frustrated sometimes I yell. Can you help me think of a way I can help myself with this feeling?’”

“By doing this, we are showing our children that emotions don’t need to be suppressed. They are a normal part of our lives and we should talk about them openly. This is an important step for emotional regulation, and one that is often missed," Emily concludes.

Emily Hanlon runs The Playful Psychologist, aimed at providing parents with useful tools and tips to raise their children. You can also find her work here, and find her new resource available, specifically about play for parents here.

If a doll can help a child develop empathy, a doll can help change the world. Shop Barbie online or in-store.

Feature Image: Supplied/Instagram/@theplayfulpsychologist