The problem with the new Tinder Social function.

I’ve never felt so old.

A year ago, I was all over Tinder. Left. Left. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Left. Hours and hours on end, because there is nothing more addictive than being hit on by a stranger while you’re lying on the couch in crumb-covered pyjamas.

And then I had a ‘Tinder Surprise’ and swiped very right, and now we’re living together blah blah happy ever after blah blah vomit from lameness etc.

#SWIPEDRIGHT ????

A photo posted by Tinder (@tinder) on Mar 15, 2016 at 9:21am PDT

So I’m no longer on Tinder. Because that might be a bit rude. But apparently, according to my friends who are still on the world’s best dating app (arguable, yes) a new feature has just been introduced.

Group sex chatting. Otherwise known as ‘Tinder Social’.

The function is so new, it’s only being trialled in Australia. That’s right. Tinder has chosen our country to be the social experiment of the social function. Why us? Because of the puns available about Down Under? Or because we’re generally considered to be loose party animals? Either way, I’m flattered.

This is how it works: You choose a list of friends on your Tinder, linked via Facebook. These are likely to be your ACTUAL friends – e.g, a girl might choose three of her single gal pals who are also using Tinder. You form a group and give it a status, such as ‘heading out for drinks tonight’. Then, another group (or one person) can swipe yes to your entire group, and if you match with them, you are all thrown in a group chat where you can arrange to meet up, or have cyber sex, or whatever.

We're ALL keen for sex. Image via HBO. 

It's already hit a snag because it reveals your Tinder bio to all of your friends on Facebook who are also Tinder-users, in case you want to form a group with them. People who thought they were swiping in secret have just been outed to a bunch of their friends, unless they specifically go into the app and turn off the new function. A mild uproar ensued, with people demanding this function should be 'opt in' rather than 'opt out'.

Anyway.  Here's my question: what's going on here? Is this just about orgies, Tinder?

In some ways: yes. According to my Tinder spy (let's call him Luke the Fireman. No, that's too obvious. Let's just call him The Fireman), it's not unusual to come across couples looking for someone to join them (*Threesome high-five*). Then there are the groups of girls he comes across with group names such as "Sex, drugs and dirty hoes", "Fuck one, kill one, marry one" and "Any hole's a goal". Charming.

And then there's the way Tinder announced it on their blog, which just screams 'gangbang': "What takes an average night out with your friends to the next level? Meeting great groups of new people, and turning a basic night out into a night you’ll never forget..." (I hope you mean by starting a knitting circle, Tinder...)

Watch the Mamamia team confess their most embarrassing date. Post continues after video. 

If anyone actually is on Tinder just for group sex, then good for you. Get yours! Put the sensual in consensual. Your life just got a whole (or should I say 'hole'?) lot easier.

However, for some Tinderers, the social function will be more about having a wingman.

"It's like group speed-dating. Groups of girls use different pick up-lines on us and it has been a great way to get our flirt on." says The Fireman. "It's great when groups click well together and it can make it easier for any gender to find a guy/girl they like."

"The problem is, issues have arisen when we all like the same girl in the group... That makes it awkward."

Don't worry, boys. There's plenty more fish on Tinder.

"For some guys, maybe most guys, group sex is definitely on the agenda... For me, I'm just happily giving it a go with a smile and seeing where it leads me." (*cough* GANGBANG *cough*)

Best of luck to you, Fireman. And to all of you other Swipers, may Tinder Social bring you all the happy endings your hearts desire.

Wink, wink.

For the curious among us, here's how you use Tinder Social.