It's wedding season, baby! And if you're anything like us (cute, funny, spills coffee on herself) there's nothing you froth over more than finding out everything about other people's weddings. It's so pervy.
That's why we've asked three of Mamamia's recent brides – Clare Stephens, Jessie Stephens and Erin Docherty – to spill everything they've learnt since their wedding day.
Here's everything they wish they'd known before getting married.
I’ve written about this elsewhere but the energy you bring on your wedding day is the energy OF your wedding day. If you’re stressed about how you look or noticing that the flowers aren’t perfect, people will unconsciously pick up on that. If you’re having the best day of your life, people will pick up on that too.
At our wedding, half our arbour fell down just as the ceremony was ending and our seating chart read: Clare and Stephen. Both things were frankly hilarious. So, don’t spend the months and weeks ahead of your wedding freaking out about what could go wrong. It’s a day like any other and it won’t all go to plan.
People have each other to talk to! Even though you might have guests who have travelled and you want to spend three hours catching up, there’s no world in which that’s going to happen. You won’t have D&M’s on your wedding day, so take the pressure off.
This obviously depends on your specific financial situation, but if you’re anxious about a relatively small amount of money (e.g. do we rent an industrial-sized fan for $200 because the air con isn’t great at the back of the room?), just do it. You won’t regret spending a little bit of money on peace of mind.
So take that into account. A few days before my wedding I realised it was going to be a 34-degree day and I was probably going to be very uncomfortable in my heavy wedding dress. So I ordered a reception dress online for about $400. I felt sick about the money but sold it a couple of weeks later for about $350! There are great communities and avenues to resell your wedding dress and just about anything else you buy, so remember that’s always an option.
Ahead of the wedding, I thought that was silly because we spend plenty of time together and surely I’d want to be spending time with our guests but having 20 minutes of photos just us was one of the highlights. We could decompress and laugh about the time two minutes ago when we lost half our arbour. At the end of the night, we put our feet in the bath and spent an hour recapping the whole thing and that was one of my favourite parts.
It doesn’t actually have to be stressful and it certainly doesn’t have to be a day that starts at 6am. All power to you if you’re an early riser but I love my sleep-ins and didn’t want to get up in the middle of the night to get my makeup or hair done. I was six months pregnant, so the day is long enough without starting at the crack of dawn!
My makeup didn’t start until about 10:30am… so I was able to wander up the road and get a coffee and some sunshine which really relaxed me
They’ll make their own fun. Don’t feel like you have to fill every moment or get around to everyone. They’ll mingle and chat and enjoy the canapés. Your job is just to enjoy yourself.
I didn’t have a choice (lol) but I loved that I was able to drive to a beautiful hotel after (HA) and could remember everything. It meant my head was so clear for speeches and I had great conversations with people.
I used to work weddings and saw a lot of couples overdo it because of stress/a long day/not eating enough and there’s nothing worse than going “uh oh” and knowing you’ve got to be on your best behaviour after too many champagnes.
It’s your wedding day. If you want a bit more blush or bolder eyelashes or more volume in your hair, say it. Good makeup artists and hair stylists want you to be honest.
We went back and forth on disposable cameras but in the end, they were the BEST idea. Had so many moments captured that we weren’t a part of. It really felt like we bottled the atmosphere of the night.
Everyone’s speeches will go for longer than they estimated. Factor that in and roll with it.
Not eating enough food at your own wedding should be a criminal offence. I don’t care if you have to walk away from Aunty Jane halfway through a conversation, food is the priority.
In the lead-up. On the day. It might be little or it could be big. My twin sister, who was my bridesmaid, got such bad gastro she couldn’t attend the reception at all or deliver her speech. What I need to do was leave my “expectations” of what the day was going to be at the door and deal with it later. Don’t let an unexpected catastrophe ruin a beautiful day. You’re allowed to cry and whinge and stomp your feet. Just do it tomorrow.
I kept thinking I had to bring “the special stuff”. Cute ideas and moments and personalised things, and while we did, the best parts were the stuff we had nothing to do with. The magical moments will come from other people’s speeches…. the MC. You realise this day means a lot to other people, too, and that’s maybe the best bit.
I'm not sure if it was the fact we were up so g-damn early to get the hair and makeup started or the part where we were drinking champagne for breakfast but the morning of the wedding seemed to go really slow?
My squad of hair and makeup artists were absolute guns and had us all ready in really good time, so I didn't feel rushed in the slightest.
But as soon as I put on the dress, everything honestly ramped up by eleventy million and I was suddenly married?? And dancing with my husband??
I started checking the weather predictions for my wedding day, like, six months out from my wedding. I became obsessed. Knew all the good weather apps. Started using terms like 'north easterly'.
I just really didn't want it to rain.
Y'see, we had so much family coming from cold, rainy climates, that for some reason I almost felt responsible for the weather. It just needed to be sunny and nice.
But of course, it rained. From the morning, right through the ceremony.
And you guys, it didn't matter. Not one teeny bit. We didn't feel sweaty and gross. My Irish/Scottish relatives didn't get burnt. It felt super cosy in the church. In fact, I couldn't imagine it any other way.
It really does! The vows, the rings – it almost didn't feel... real? We kept looking at each other mid-ceremony and whispering 'how weird is this?'. Because it was!
I've talked about this before and omg why didn't I... do this? Trying to dance along to the absolute bangers we selected for the dancefloor turned out to be VERY difficult in a long dress. The bustling did nothing. In fact, there was one point in the night where I considered asking one of the bridesmaids if they wanted to switch dresses (???) and omg the sheer desperation to be able to drop it low/do the worm, without slipping on my wedding dress. I cannot.
Okay, but I was really fixated on switching out the chairs at my venue? We'd talked about hiring some nicer ones, but it would be... a lotta money. Because 180 people. My wedding stylist (hey Mel!) had said it would be an absolutely unnecessary extra cost, and I was like 'NO, MEL. THOSE CHAIRS ARE GROSS.'
But then there were other things we could spend our money on – and we ended up just leaving the chairs as they were. And honestly, I'm so glad we did – because it would've been pointless. On the day, the reception was so dingin' pretty, I didn't even notice the chairs. At all. In fact, they were obscenely comfy. How awkward!
I touched on this before, but I don't think I've ever felt so relieved in my entire life. People talk about post-wedding blues, but goodness gracious – I feel so free. Like a giant weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's almost like your high school exams are finished. And you don't know what to do with yourself.
My husband said to me the other day, "I've got my Erin back again!" which is ultimately alarming. You don't realise how much time you spend planning this day – it almost becomes a second job. And while I'd do the day a thousand, million times over (and again!) I'd *literally* never plan another. It's a no from me.
What do you wish you'd known before getting married? Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.
Feature image: Martine Payne Photography, Mitch Ferris, Erin Docherty.
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