3 little things to start doing with your kids today.

My son has just turned ten and it’s really hit me how long I’ve been a mother now. A decade. A whole decade.

And it has flown.

I still remember the day I had him, the perfectly normal delivery that turned into an emergency caesarean and how hard it was to recover, the surreal nature of becoming a mum and being allowed to take this perfect little person home with me.

It was less surreal with my second and third but just as magical. Philip is 10, Giovanni is 6 and has started Kindergarten and Caterina turns 5 in a month. Time, stop moving!

I’m with my kids less and less these days. They used to be with me every minute of every day. It was easier, because I was in charge of every second of their day. Now, I have entrusted part of their care and wellbeing to others. I trust all these ‘others’ – teachers, my parents, my sister – but still, they are with me less and less and time is moving faster and faster.

The kids don’t feel time is moving quickly at all. For Philip, everything drags. I remember that feeling when I was little. Every day seemed to go so slowly and I just wanted to grow up already.

You know you’ve said something too often when your kids start rolling their eyes at you. “Stop trying to grow up so fast Philip, your childhood is the most fun you’ll ever have.” Eye roll.

“Stop saying school is boring. Trust me, some of those friends are friends for life.” Eye roll. “Stop hitting your brother Giovanni. When you grow up you’ll be best friends and do everything together.” Eye roll.

So I’ve started using actions instead of words. Every day there are a few things we now do that helps the day go that little bit longer. It drives Philip mad most of the time but sometimes, it delights him more.

Every day we:

1. Drive around the block until the song is done.

You know how the good song starts on the radio just as you’re approaching your house? You’re just starting to enjoy it and then you turn the car off and go into the house. Busy busy busy. I used to do that but not anymore. Now, if we are enjoying a song we drive around until it is done. Yes there is room for error with this because if the next song is great, we have to drive even further. Just turn the radio off once the song is done and then you can go home. Song enjoyed, time extended. Happy days.

2. Look in on them long after they have fallen asleep

My children don’t need me much at night anymore. They fall asleep and that’s the last I hear from them until morning, illness aside. At night I’m so exhausted from the day and the housework that I switch off all the lights, stumble to bed and fall asleep in seconds.

Except now I check in on the kids before I do that. I visit each of my peacefully sleeping children and tuck them in, kiss them and stare at them just a little. My kids don’t let me stare at them and stroke their heads when they are awake anymore. “Mum, stop it.” My daughter doesn’t mind but it annoys my sons. So I do it while they are sleeping. I feel so connected to them then. My sleep, a little delayed, is much more peaceful.

3. We daydream, a lot.

I talk to my kids a lot about what their lives will be like when they get older. It’s fun to imagine. My daughter now parrots, “I’ll have a house and a car and a job and I’ll make you dinner. And buy you presents.” Sounds good to me.

I often imagine what my children will be like when they are grown, what they’ll look like, who they’ll spend their time with. I wonder where they’ll live, if we’ll still be close and how much they will tell me about their lives. I know the closeness will ebb and flow. It’s only natural. But I look forward to having grown children. It will be fun.

We actually go into quite a lot of detail about their lives. Philip is going to be an artist and a scientist and live near the beach. Giovanni wants to own a chain of bowling alleys and Caterina wants to be a doctor and live in a house that has a car and a boyfriend. Apparently the boyfriend comes with the house. Okay then.

Do you think about what it will be like when your kids are grown? Will you be travelling or will you be dropping frozen dinners off at their homes?