'I've spent $100k on my friends' celebrations.' We need to talk about the single tax.

Earlier this year, a friend and I had a similar experience with a pretty horrendous virus. As we exchanged war stories, there was something different about our experiences. While she could rely on her partner to come home from work armed with drugs, soup, Hydralyte and lemonade ice blocks, I was struggling to get through it alone, sweating through day four of a fever with a doctor advising me "someone should take me to Emergency".

My problem was, I had no idea who that mystery "someone" would be. 

I've never had a problem being single, but it was in that moment of vulnerability I started spiralling about turning 35 and having no one to rely on but myself. Don't get me wrong, I have great family and great friends, but my family is situated hours away and I've admittedly gone down the road of hyper-independence, struggling to ask for help when I need it, not wanting to impose on my friends' busy lives. 

Watch: One TikTok user shares her experience with the single tax. Post continues below.

While I obviously recovered from the mystery death virus, the moment had me comparing my life and status to that of my coupled-up friends. While the grass can seem greener on the other side, the emotional, mental and financial tax of being single suddenly started to weigh on me. This wasn't helped by the fact I was trying to search for a studio or one-bedroom apartment in Sydney within my budget and coming up with, well, nothing. Suddenly my single status, which I never had a problem with, was making me extremely stressed. 

If you're a Sex and The City fan, you'll probably remember the episode where Carrie Bradshaw was forced to take her designer shoes to a friend's house, with the shoes later going missing. Upon returning to the scene of the crime, her friend offered her money for the lost shoes, only to scoff at the price of the $485 pair of Manolo heels and shame Carrie for spending so much.

"You know how much Manolos are, you used to wear them," Carrie said, before her friend, now married and a mother, interjected, "Sure, before I had a real life." 

The episode aired in 2003, but parts still ring true to this day (minus the fact Carrie somehow afforded her own New York apartment and expensive heels on a writers' salary, of course).

Just like Carrie grapples with the fact that society often financially celebrates milestones like weddings and baby showers, but rarely supports the milestones of single people, modern-day singles are still forking out large amounts of money to celebrate their friends, while facing an uncertain future on their own.  

The Single Tax: The cost of supporting yourself.

I've always been pretty chronically single. Some people may see that term as negative, but it's never phased me that much. I've enjoyed dating people over the years, but for a long time I hadn't met someone that made me want to "give up" my single lifestyle. 

But there's no denying it's a lifestyle that's expensive. Sure, there's the dating part, but there's also the mental and financial load of doing everything on your own. Rent, mortgages, groceries, bills — from the stress of getting a foot in the housing door to the mundane annoyance of having no one to split the internet or Netflix bill with, to always having to be the primary decision maker, there's an often unspoken load that single people are consistently shouldering. 

[Important note: This is just coming from the perspective of a single woman with no dependents: there's no denying it's significantly harder for single parents, or those with dependents.] 

When you're fronting up everything on your own, things get costly. And even in 2025, it feels like we live in a society that favours partnerships and relationships over single statuses.

We celebrate engagements, weddings, babies, and family milestones without second guessing, pouring money into the idea of love and family stability as the ultimate goal. While these things deserve to be celebrated, when you're the chronically single friend there's a good chance you've spent a lot of money before realising there's not really the equivalent celebration of any milestones for single people.

Let's be real, a "Wishing Well for getting to 35 and surviving life on my own" might not take off as much as a wedding party one. 

Listen: Want more on this? Carrie Bradshaw once 'married herself' to make a point — and honestly, she was onto something. The Mamamia Out Loud team dives into why single women are still picking up the bill, minus the celebration. Post continues below.

Single friends are pouring 'thousands' into celebrating other people's relationship milestones.

I started asking single people how much they thought they had spent on other people's milestones over the years, and the answers were overwhelming. 

"At least $8,000 over the last five years," Bec, in her 30s, said. "Hens, weekends, baby showers, weddings, accommodation for weddings. I'm so happy to be part of it, but it does sting." 

"I'm 54 and have been single my whole life," another woman told me. "I'd hate to think what the dollar value is on what I've spent celebrating other people's lives. I had to draw a line a few years back and just stop spending. It was getting ridiculous." 

Allan, in his 40s, cited the amount at a whopping $100,000. "Single in my 40s. Even if I do get married, all I want is a low-key thing with a nice dinner," he told me. "Everyone else is so burned out now or busy with families and kids, that they will never be able to give the same time/effort that we did when we were younger.

"I thought about [celebrating] my 40th," he continued. "But I realised people wouldn't take it as seriously and just not spend." 

Would people get on board with celebrating single milestones?

Gemma Cribb, clinical psychologist and author of Doing Single Well: A Guide to Living, Loving, and Dating Without Compromise, says while the single tax is one of the "downsides of being unpartnered", it's important to remember everything within context.

"There are many upsides to being unpartnered as well," she told Mamamia. "Only focusing on the negative aspects can limit your adjustment to, and enjoyment of, being single."  

When it comes to the financial downside and spending thousands on partnered friends' milestones, Gemma offered that really, that wasn't about being single — it was about learning the art of having some hard conversations.

"[Spending that money] is less about being single than needing to have difficult conversations about your financial status and what you can afford to contribute," Gemma advised. "Generally, saying that you would love to celebrate their occasion but have a limited budget and asking a friend to suggest an alternative way you can show you care about them would be appropriate." 

Gemma also pointed out the "many milestones" single people can achieve still, and while the world may feel set up more for partnered people, perhaps it's time for single people to take the reins.

"There are still many milestones to celebrate single life and it is on the single people to prioritise themselves enough to organise (or ask someone to organise) these celebrations, and indicate what they feel is an appropriate contribution from friends and family," she said. "Celebrating buying and/or moving into one's home, [or] celebrating a significant birthday or a transition such as retirement is not unheard of in our culture, and these celebrations are as open to single people as they are to coupled people."  

In the Sex and The City episode where Carrie loses her designer shoes, she takes matters into her own hands, deciding to "marry herself" and set up a wedding registry at Manolo Blahnik, as a way of celebrating her 'singleness' and asserting her own worth. Her friend comes around, paying for the missing pair of designer heels. 

Maybe the Wishing Well for a 35th birthday isn't that extreme after all?

Carrie Bradshaw saw it coming in 2003 — and two decades later, not much has changed. With And Just Like That… Season 3 just dropping, Mamamia is diving back into all things Sex and The City — from solo milestones to Manolos.

Catch up on our latest stories here:

• The new season of And Just Like That feels wildly different, for one reason that will make you smile.

• Every Sex and the City Easter egg in Season 3 of And Just Like That.

Feature: Instagram/@tahliaapritchard and HBO.