by NATALIA HAWK
Pretend you were an alien who’d just landed on earth and the only way you could learn about this strange human species was to watch reality TV shows.
Very quickly, this is what you’d learn: there are only two types of women in the world. They are extreme. And a lot like caricatures.
And there’s only one type of bloke. He is not very extreme. He is just awesome.
The women of reality TV are stereotypical, one-dimensional and mostly figures of disdain, derision or cheap laughs. And here they are:
1. The “Cartoon Babe”
There is one word that describes the “Cartoon Babe” and that is EXTREME. Extreme looks, extreme personalities – and extreme Botox. They are the characters who love a catfight, have their plastic surgeon on speed dial and make very poor choices when it comes to life decisions such as “who are my real friends?” and “how many hair extensions are too many?”
Producers of reality tv are very careful to ensure that the Cartoons don’t have conversations that aren’t either really bitchy or completely vacuous (makes them less car-crashy, you see).
Examples: Vernesa & friend from The Shire. Heidi Montag (her of the 11 surgeries in one day), most of the girls on The Bachelor, and all of the Real Housewives to ever appear on television. Ever.
2. The “Ditzy Babe”
Unlike type 1, the Ditzy girls are generally not presented as completely cray-cray, which is a good start. They like things like shopping and shopping and sometimes they go to fashion school. While they are invariably pretty and invariably sweet, they also go through life completely baffled by the majority of situations they find themselves in. Often, an entire season plot-line can revolve around a Ditz trying to work out why a boy doesn’t like her back.