We urgently need to discuss Bernard, the sassy star of The Santa Clause movies.

There's nothing that infiltrates your mind quite as deeply as a movie you watched annually when you were a kid.

I have a handful of Christmas movies that I consider sacred, but there's one film I can never quit: The Santa Clause.

Yep, that Christmas movie for children that literally begins with Santa plummeting to his death by falling off a roof. Dark, right?

Starring Tim Allen, the 1994 film centres on Scott Calvin, a divorced toy executive who unwittingly agrees to become the new Santa (after the aforementioned roof death), facing scepticism from his family while bringing him closer to his adorable cherub-faced son, Charlie.

Watch a trailer for another Christmas classic, Serendipity. Post continues after video.

But tbh, none of that was on my radar because of one cheeky devil who entered my screen 30 mins into the movie.

I'm talking about Bernard, the sassy head elf who stole hearts and minds around the world. It's taken me 30 years to muster up the courage to say it, but the power of Bernard cannot be underestimated.

"The other Santa disappeared, right?" Bernard asks Scott with a sheepish head shake. And with that, a legend was born with David Krumholtz's Bernard.

If loving Bernard, the head elf, is wrong, I don't want to be right.

He might have only appeared in a handful of scenes, but this was Bernard's movie — Santa was just on the VHS cover of it.

The head elf steals the show! Image: Walt Disney Pictures.

From his first "Hiya, sport!", there was just something about Bernard. He was an elf with charisma, with a glimmer in his eye, with an indescribable amount of je ne sais quoi.

Bernard was kind and sweet to Charlie but mean to Tim Allen — the way things should be.

"Try to understand this!!!" he snaps at Scott. "Now you're Santa, okay!"

Deal with it!

Later on in the film, he chastises Santa's cooking. "Ugh, this bird is dry! Haven't you heard about basting!" he bemoans.

I don't know what it is, but I just love a grumpy guy with a heart of gold. As a child, I definitely had a crush on Bernard — and I am not alone.

just to be clear, we all had a crush on bernard from the santa clause right pic.twitter.com/6ZAE4FDUEn

— tony (@battlebornbabex) December 23, 2023

Over the years, there's been a vocal fringe of people — especially queer viewers — who credit Bernard as their first crush.

There was a BuzzFeed article titled 'How Bernard The Elf In The Santa Clause Caused My Sexual Awakening.' His fans have even made t-shirts and tote bags with 'Hard For Bernard' on them.

I won't go as far as saying that — after all, Krumholtz was merely 16 in the film — but his sassy nature and quick wit did penetrate my soul.

In darker corners of the interwebs, there's a convincing theory on Reddit that it was Bernard who coordinated with the other elves to kill the OG Santa.

If so… kinda sleigh tbh.

Of course, the obsession with Bernard is showing no signs of slowing down because actor David Krumholtz continues to dominate Hollywood. Most will know him from Numb3rs or his recent work in Oppenheimer, but to me… that's Bernard, the head elf.

WAIT BERNARD FROM THE SANTA CLAUSE IS IN OPPENHEIMER?? pic.twitter.com/aZWG4wOJqu

— Brodey (@Brodeyy_51) December 21, 2023

So what does David think of Bernard becoming a queer icon?

"How do I explain it? I don't know. I mean, he's in charge. He's a boss. But he's got a really good heart," he told Vulture in a truly unhinged 2021 profile.

"Something about maybe the dreadlocks? I don't know. I've lost track of why. And it's not like I haven't thought about it. I will tell you that."

I've thought about it, too. And after The Santa Clause, the next memorable role the actor did was another cult classic, 10 Things I Hate About You, where he basically played high school Bernard. This time, he traded his elf outfit for a Shakespeare-inspired getup — and it was all working for him.

he’s also bernard from the santa clause movies btw https://t.co/8YhwiPnddJ

— gillian murphy (@punkfrenchtoast) September 1, 2023

He's sexy and he knows it.

"I've been told a few times before that I was born to play sexy," he told Vulture. "You've put me in a position here where I'm sort of left only to toot my own horn or throw myself off the balcony. I'll just put it this way: I pop on screen."

So true, Bernard.

Tragically, Bernard's character did not appear in The Santa Clause 3 because the actor chose not to take part. Initially, David said he had a scheduling conflict but has since admitted he wasn't a fan of where his character was being taken.

"The story about my scheduling is true, but somehow also untrue," he hilariously reflected to Vulture.

"It was all set to go. But I would say that the character got devalued a little bit and I couldn't in good conscience do it."

He did return in The Santa Clause series on Disney+ in 2022 but as a fully grown 44-year-old man at the time playing an ageless elf, it didn't hit quite the same.

These days, the actor has tried to put the power of Bernard behind him.

"I try not to think about Bernard too often," he said.

"I get the Legolas thing, he's a hot elf. I'm a bloody Christmas elf. That's where everyone needs to take it down a notch. And perhaps stop admitting it publicly."

Never! As long as Christmas exists, so will our weird obsession with Bernard, the head elf, and I think that's beautiful.

Feature image: Walt Disney Pictures.