'I was a burnt out and frazzled mum, until I learned about the "pie theory".'

A few weeks ago, I bumped into my childhood friend's mum. It had been years since we'd last spoken, but within seconds, we were deep in a fast-paced catch-up on life.

There's something incredibly comforting about chatting with the mother of someone you grew up with.

I had a lot to share. Let's just say, my life has veered wildly off course — more than once. Hers had too.

She spent years navigating the chaos of solo parenting, full-time work, endless life admin, and tricky exes, all while trying to carve out a little time for herself. 

WELL: How to Discuss Burnout with Your Doctor. Article continues after the video.

Being older and wiser than me, and always so effortlessly confident, I asked her how she did it — how she always seemed to hold it together.

How do you focus on any one thing when everything feels urgent, and all the parts of life bleed into one?

She told me she thinks of her life as a pie. One slice is for her kids. Another is for work. One's for hobbies and self-care. There's a slice for life admin. And a small one left for dating.

"I tell them, they can have access to that piece of pie," she said. "But they're not to touch the rest of it."

The secret, she explained, is in keeping the slices separate. Pre-cut. Ready to serve. They might change in size, depending on what life demands, but each one matters.

It's a simple idea: your life is a pie, and each slice represents something: work, family, friendships, health, creativity, rest, romance — whatever's important to you. There's only so much pie to go around.

If one slice gets too big, the others shrink. And if you ignore one completely, eventually, it rots.

For me, that visual clicked. It gave me permission to compartmentalise, but in a healthy way. I could have a bad day at work without letting it bleed into how I showed up as a mum.

I could feel proud of smashing a work deadline, even if the laundry mountain at home was giving Everest. It helped me see that all the slices mattered, and that neglecting one part of myself didn't make me stronger, just more depleted.

The Pie Theory isn't just a feel-good metaphor my friend's mum made up though, it's actually rooted in real psychological frameworks, but has been simplified over time. 

More than just a metaphor.

The way most people use the Pie Theory aligns closely with something used in personal development and life coaching called the Wheel of Life, also known as Pie of Life.

It's a visual tool that breaks your life into key domains such as: relationships, career, health, finances, fun, and personal growth. You rate each area out of 10 and then map it onto a circle, creating your own unique pie chart of satisfaction.

That chart tells a story. A jagged, uneven wheel might show you're pouring energy into work and letting your health and friendships flatline. A balanced wheel, or pie, shows you've got some harmony going on. And if you've never even thought about breaking your life into categories before, just doing the exercise can be a wake-up call.

It's often used by coaches to help people figure out where to focus their energy. But even without a coach, doing your own Pie of Life once every few months can be an eye-opening self-check-in. 

The psychological roots.

Dig a little deeper, and you'll find that "Pie Theory" has even more formal roots in something called Person-in-Environment (PIE) Theory. Developed in the 1980s by social workers James Karls and Karin Wandrei, PIE theory is a framework that recognises that we don't exist in a vacuum, we're constantly shaped by our surrounding environments.

The PIE system is used by psychologists and social workers to assess people across four key domains:

1. Social roles and relationships – how we interact with others and the roles we play (such as parent, employee, friend).

2. Environmental problems – the external stuff impacting our lives, like housing, work stress, or trauma.

3. Mental health – psychological well-being, resilience, and emotional regulation.

4. Physical health – chronic illness, pain, or anything going on with the body that might affect quality of life.

In practice, this means that when someone's struggling, a professional using PIE Theory wouldn't just look at symptoms. They'd look at everything — the full pie — and how those slices interact.

Maybe that woman who seems anxious at work isn't just "not coping", maybe she's dealing with family conflict, financial pressure, and hasn't seen her friends in six months.

"The Pie Theory is a tool to consider all the areas that make up one's life, and how much time we dedicate to each of these areas, such as career, family, friendships, romantic relationships, hobbies and self," says Clinical Psychologist, Phoebe Rogers. 

"It's a helpful, simple tool to assess life balance and direction. When life is busy and stressful, one can use this tool to assess where they're putting their effort and energy, and to assess whether this is working. 

"Emotional overwhelm is going to happen from juggling so much — friends, family, work, children, hobbies. Using this simple tool can help you clarify where your energy is being invested, and what needs to change."

Feature image: Getty.