PARENT OPINION: I’m juggling 2 kids under 4, endless washing and a full-time job. Welcome to ‘the messy years'.

Last night, it hit me.       

I was standing knee-high in a pile of dirty laundry that I had ignored for two weeks. The bathroom smelled, but I hadn’t had my second cup of coffee yet so I wasn’t in my Sherlock Holmes state-of-mind.

As I stood there spraying Sard Super Power stain remover on an unidentified brown blob that slightly resembled the face of Jesus, I caught a glimpse of toilet paper peeking out of the top of the toilet seat. 

“Lovely," I said out loud. “The kids have left me a very early Christmas present!”

After closer inspection, I discovered that the entire toilet paper roll (brand spanking new, may I add) had been shoved inside the toilet with a barbie doll, a broken toy dinosaur and a few dozen LEGOs.

Image: Supplied. 

Sure, I could have screamed. Or maybe even cried. Why not, right? It’s been a pretty challenging few months trapped in Sydney lockdown. But these, my friends, are The Messy Years.

So what did I do instead? I laughed. Then I snapped a few photos, texted them to my friends with the caption “Another day in paradise” and shouted, “Siri, play You Drive Me Crazy by Britney Spears” to my nearby phone.

Pre-parent me, though he’s becoming harder to remember, would have lost the damn plot at the sight of such disorder. My home was always my sanctuary. If it was clean, then I felt better prepared to tackle life’s many challenges.

Then, I had children. 

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And those children learned to walk and talk and professionally destroy rooms that were spotlessly clear mere seconds before. And paired with those important developmental milestones was a new set of adult skills: caring less and cutting corners.

Because The Messy Years aren’t a cautionary tale. No way. This isn't folklore, people. This is pure, unavoidable fact. And the sooner you come to terms with the reality that tiny humans make momentous messes like it is their full-time job, the sooner you can develop coping mechanisms. 

And with those coping mechanisms comes a greater sense of wine. I mean, joy.

My coping mechanisms, which have been tested and refined over four years of trial and error, look a little something like this:

1. Don’t clean up after your kids every single day. 

It’s simply unnecessary. And by “simply unnecessary”, I mean “completely illogical”. You could, if you really wanted to, but it’s a lot like brushing your teeth while still eating Tim Tams. 

You know you’re going to have to do it again in fourteen milliseconds, so what’s the point?

2. Always – I repeat ALWAYS – make sure to have a bottle of stain remover in your home.

Your children will completely destroy every article of clothing they own, each and every day without fail. 

So to limp through life pretending you won’t need a stain remover once or twice a week is, well, a major parenting fail. 

My love for Sard is strong. They have a new Super Power Stain Remover spray, which is their strongest spray yet. If you’re anything like me and you may or may not leave stains a little longer than you should (note: the opening paragraph of this article), then this is the ultimate option for you. 

Image: Supplied. 

This spray not only tackles everyday stains, but also dried-in mystery stains. You just remove whatever grime you can first (a parent's favourite bit right? Thinking of you), spray and leave it for 5 minutes, then wash that bad boy before taking the whole afternoon off (and ignoring the mental load of everything else there is to get done). 

Image: Supplied. 

3. Donate on the regular.

I like to go through the house with my kids once a month and ask them to “donate some toys and books to kids who don’t have any”. 

This not only teaches the kids important lessons about the world we live in, but it ensures that my house doesn’t sink under the weight of an ever-growing pile of (mostly) unnecessary toys.

4. Give yourself a bloody break.

Parenting is extremely difficult. Attempting to maintain the exact same life you had before kids (work, love, friendship, family and chores) while also keeping tiny humans entertained and alive is challenging on the very best of days. 

So as long as your kids are happy and healthy, place “making sure my house is mess-free” at the very bottom of your to-do list. In fact, add it to a to-don’t list while you’re at it.

The morale of this story is this: The Messy Years are inevitable. So lower your standards a bit, keep your stain remover spray within reach at all times, and give yourself a martini. I mean, a bloody break. You deserve it.

Stained it? Sard it! Sard, Australia's stain expert for all your stain needs. Try Sard from your local supermarket, available at Woolworths, Coles and independent grocers.

Feature Image: Supplied.

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