This is how you play the Gorgeous Bastard Game.

My new favourite game is the Gorgeous Bastard game.

I came up with it – ok fine I absolutely stole it – after I’d had two heaving glasses of Pinot Noir (it’s my threshold…have three and I’m pants down in the gutter) and I remembered something Susan Carland told Holly Wainwright and Andrew Daddo on our hilarious parenting podcast, This Glorious Mess.

She calls it the 3B game. At the end of every day, Susan sits her little spuds down and says to them, probably very sweetly, ‘Darlings, let’s talk about our day’ and then they each have to say three beautiful things that happened in their day.

It’s a fabulous little multitasking game; teaches kids #gratitude, means they don’t just grunt at you while they shovel mash into their gobs, and gives you MAJOR parent points.

But for those of us who don’t have kids, my adult version adds a sinister twist at the end with a bastard act.

And also because it’s quite fun to say the word “gorgeous”, I have co-opted it to become The Gorgeous Bastard game. I play it most Friday nights on my facebook page and it’s the best.

The rules are simple:

1. Find three things that are good in your life this week. Be specific; it can’t just be “I have a great family” – that’s lazy. Think more specifically, like my dad started a Bach Chat group on WhatsApp so he can critique Matty J and his dating techniques and just lay absolute pearlers in there, and it makes me snort laugh.

GORGEOUS:

Or, I bought a ridiculously oversized pompom key ring and although everyone mocks me, it's the absolute best because now I don't lose my keys. GORGEOUSSSSSS.

And the bastard moment can be anything that's bastardly to you. It can be serious, yes, or it can be the most first world problem you like. THERE IS ZERO JUDGEMENT. So if you get a manicure, and you spent your hard earned cash on some nice pale pink fresh nails, and the second you walk out of the shop you smoodge a huge piece of it because you're an impatient dick, that's ok. That's a BASTARD.

We can't then pile on you and say "at least you have fingers because some people are born without them so at least be GRATEFUL that you could have nine nice fingernails."

There is no judgement on either side here. Got it?

LET'S PLAY!

GORGEOUS: We birthed a brand new podcast this week. Year One is the big sister to Hello, Bump. It covers the first year of your baby's life. It's like the mother's group you don't have to leave the house for. It's number one in the parenting category, I am very proud of this. I am less proud of the fact that I told my sister that I made it SPECIFICALLY for her, since she just had a baby. That was a bloody lie.

GORGEOUS: Someone sent a large white box to the office this week addressed to me and I kid you not, it was full of huge confetti and about twenty blocks of chocolate. The instruction with it (it was from Cadbury, hello chocolate babes) were to play a "fun game". That's not even the best bit. The best bit was that we entirely ignored the chocolate game and threw ourselves upon the bounty like twelve ravenous women who were all about to get their period. It was amazing. #DreamsCanComeTrue.

GORGEOUS: My superawesome friend Katy has a brand new puppy and she brought it to the office this week.

BASTARD: It pissed on my Gorman jacket.

OK, YOUR TURN!

Play the gorgeous bastard game below, you gorgeous bastards.