'I was Bear's runner-up on The Golden Bachelor. This is what I want you to know.'

This article originally appeared on Janette Bendle's Substack. It has been republished here with permission.

Writing this with only hours before the final episode airs, my emotions sit close to the surface.

It's a strange mix of reflection, excitement, a sense of something completing its circle, and the softness that comes with revisiting moments that changed you.

What a journey this has been. What a chapter of my life.

When this all began earlier this year, I had no expectations. I simply said yes to an experience, to possibility, to fun, to courage, to meeting women who were also choosing to live boldly. And then suddenly there I was, stepping out of a limousine on a red carpet that would shift my life.

I was meant to step out slowly, one foot out, pause, reflect, then the next foot, another pause, another graceful moment.

A loud laugh!

No no, of course not, this is Janette. One foot out, the other foot out, and I was off, straight down that red carpet, brain saying one foot in front of the other.

And then I heard it: "Wow." Bear's voice.

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As I reached him, he looked at me with kind eyes, somewhat steady hands and genuine warmth. He told me I looked beautiful.

I told him I had a gift, and with hands shaking so much I could barely hold the paper, I read him a poem.

He held my hands to steady them. It was tender. It was grounding. It was just the beginning.

Inside the house, life burst open.

Big personalities, laughter everywhere, no nerves anymore, just the excitement for what was to come. I tried finding my voice among it all and felt a little lost and unseen at first.

But that softened quickly because of the women. We shared rooms, bathrooms, mirror space, clothes, food, secrets, fears and dreams. The intimacy of that alone created a bond unlike anything I've ever experienced.

For that moment in time, they were my family. It felt right. It felt like a blessing I didn't know I needed.

Life wasn't all dates and drama, it was full of the small, sacred moments that made the experience real.

BUT the kitchen, oh, that was the heart of everything. No cameras. No pressure. Just us being real, raw, just women being women.

Nightly chats around the table, confessions, stories, the jokes, taking comfort, and pure honesty. Those moments were golden.

And then there was the dancing.

Right before rose ceremonies, someone would play the perfect song and we'd dance, in heels for those who could or barefoot for those who couldn't (yes that was me a lot of the time).

We would swirl around that kitchen, laughing, always laughing, singing, moving through the anticipation of what was about to unfold.

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They were moments no camera ever captured, but they live in me as vividly as the day they happened. Even now, I still feel it.

We started as 20 women, all thrown together in the same unforgettable experience.

With each rose ceremony, and with every rose that wasn't handed out, something shifted, a small weight settled in the room, a reminder that this journey was real and moving quickly.

People have asked why I didn't tell Bear how I felt. Why I held back. Why I didn't wear my heart openly like some of the others.

And here's the truth: I live my life authentically. Calmly. Considerately. I don't fall in love in a few weeks. I don't open my heart while someone's also exploring feelings with other women.

I wasn't insecure, I was being true to who I am.

I express love through action, presence, and words that come from my soul, not pressure.

But I wouldn't have still been there if I didn't feel something real growing with him. I wanted to see where the journey would go.

Then Africa. Being rushed to the airport in disguise, handed a passport, not knowing where I was going. Standing in the immigration line, opening it and reading Johannesburg, Cape Town, South Africa.

Inside, I exploded: jumping, yelling, celebrating silently because I had to keep calm. My dream. My bucket-list dream. Could it be, can I allow myself to dream? A safari in Africa.

The universe had my back the whole way. I felt my dad with me, especially knowing episode six honoured him. I lived that entire week in gratitude.

Then meeting his sons and his brother. Instant connection, a grilling, I think I passed.

Beautiful boys, warm, kind, grounded. They reminded me so much of my own. We joked about Pilates vs beer, I told them I'd smash them in class. They swore I wouldn't. We bet beers over it.

Watch the hosts of Mamamia Out Loud discuss The Golden Bachelor. Post continues after video.

They felt like boys my sons would get along with. Well, they all did love a beer! Family meeting family, in a way, bonding over beer.

The safari — yes, it happened — was magic. I wore my glasses even though they didn't match my outfit, I wasn't about to miss a single detail. Every blade of grass, every footprint in the dust, every slow turn of an animal's head, every mountain peak, every moment of wild nature was breathing around me, it all felt unreal — it was everything.

There was something steadying and deeply moving about it, a kind of beauty that makes you pause and breathe a little slower.

And sitting by that fire with Bear, drinking champagne, talking about travel, life, how our boys might get along, for the first time, I allowed myself to think:

"It might be me. I think it is me. It is me."

Dare I say it?

Image: Nine.

I never let myself believe I could make it to the final two. All the way through, I refused to think ahead or imagine outcomes. I stayed present, took each rose ceremony as it came, and every time my name was called, I felt grateful, almost shocked. I'd pinch myself and think, I get one more week. One more adventure. One more chance to share this with these women and with Bear.

When we were down to five, I thought, 'Is this actually happening?' Down to three, 'Oh my God, really?' And then two, wow.

I'd walked into this experience with no expectations at all. And somehow, there I was, standing in the final two. The final morning, I felt, hopeful. I felt confident.

My dress, the most beautiful gown I've ever worn. Beautiful crystals catching and matching the African light, I felt like it was made for that destination; it made me feel like something out of a dream. My very own fairytale.

Getting ready overlooking the city felt surreal. How did I get here? How did this happen?

Pinch-me moment after pinch-me moment.

Then driving into the mountains, fierce wind whipping everywhere, my hair blowing, climbing the hill, the rocks in high heels and a gown.

It was hard. A test. And I wondered, was it a sign? At the top, it was so romantic. Golden light, mountains all around. A scene made for a fairytale ending in my fairytale dress.

He took my hands. I looked into his eyes. And I saw it. Sadness. I knew before he spoke.

You were beautiful. You were authentic. I felt a connection from the beginning. Words. But the words didn't land, because the eyes told the truth.

Image: Nine.

And then: "You deserve to find love but it's not with me."

For a moment, I had no words. Then they came, instinctively: "As long as that decision comes from your heart, then it's the right one."

I hadn't prepared for that moment. I'd prepared for the opposite — for being chosen.

I felt blindsided. The fairytale ripped away. I wanted to run. To tear off the dress. Take down my hair. Throw the shoes. Disappear from the mountain.

But there were cameras, interviews, people. No space to crumble. Did I imagine it? Was I a fool?

It took time to fully process. The flight home felt endless. Being with my family, the best medicine.

A wall went up, yes, but only halfway. I'm still open. Still believing. Still soft at the core.

And if you're wondering, was it worth it? Absolutely. One of the greatest experiences of my life. No regrets.

And yes, I found love in 19 extraordinary women. My golden sisterhood. My forever family.

This wasn't my happily ever after with a man. It was my happily ever after with a circle of women who changed my life.

That's my love story. My golden chapter.

This story was originally published on Janette's Substack and has been republished with full permission.

Feature image: Nine.