Mamamia recaps The Golden Bachelor: The new Bachie is bearable, but it's the women who shine bright.

As a huge Bachie fan, I must admit that when The Bachelor got axed, a part of me felt empty.

But my cup has truly been filled by The Golden Bachelor. What a ride!

The Channel 9 reboot of the beloved dating show has one man front and centre. Meet 61-year-old infrastructure engineer, Barry 'Bear' Myrden, who has just welcomed 20 women in 'their golden years'.

Seriously, I took a shot every time someone said 'golden years' and by the end of the ep, I swear I could see the ghost of Osher Günsberg at the first rose ceremony.

'Do you see him too??' Image: Nine.

But back to Bachie Bear. HE HAS AN ACCENT.

Okay, he's technically Australian-Canadian but there's defs a twang.

Wait, I'm crying. Bear described the moment his wife Audrey discovered she had a brain tumour, and how he had to be there for their sons after her tragic death. This man!

Woah. I'm feeling more emotions in the first two minutes of this show than I did the entire final two seasons of The Bachelor (yes, the ones with three sh*t men for the price of one good one).

Bear arrives by boat in an unsubtle James Bond moment (we get it, he's old!), as he meets host Samantha Armytage and his potential bear wives.

There are some fun gals!

Meet dancer, model and property manager, Elizete.

She introduces herself as a 'warrior princess' and when Bear is in the middle of introducing himself, she interrupts to say "Let's dance together!" and forces a samba upon him.

'The Life Of a Showgirl was actually about me!' Image: Nine.

They then exchange a sort of dance-conversation, as Elizete ignores his questions as she swings her hips furiously at him.

"Are you going to dance the whole time?" he asks. The answer is always yes.

Shamse, a grandmother of five, arrives in a stunning saree, and the two quickly realised they were both born in Canada, eh!

Terri is our season's 'sob story', as she was cheated on by her husband, which has given her trust issues. To settle her nerves, Bear forces her to take her shoes off and rub her feet in the dirt. Gross!

If this is what Gen Zs mean by 'you need to touch grass', there must be a better way!

Bianca is going to cause some trouble. "I've been single for four years… but do the one-night stands count?" she hilariously says in her confessional.

'I come bearing a lot of jokes! (Get it? His name is Bear! Haha!) Image: Nine.

She calls Bear a 'dirty, big spunk' right to his face.

A legend is born.

CEO and founder Sunny says she brought 'the sunny here', as the two stand there… in the dark at nighttime.

Sunny then says she will 'spank his butt to be a better person' as she hits him with a golf club.

I have no idea what's going on. But wherever Sunny goes, I will follow.

Then comes Lauren, who pronounces it 'La Ren' because umm, that's what 'they say in Paris', and she arrives riding a horse. A horse? Of course!

Did you hear she went to the Paris Olympics? The Olympics in Paris. Why? She had a horse in the Paris Olympics. The Olympics in Paris!

'This exact thing happened at the Paris Olympics!' Image: Nine.

Oh and there's Laura, who is Australian reality princess Abbie Chatfield's mum (and hopefully a Gemini, too).

Fitness freak Catherine is giving intense vibes. 'People say I'm competitive but I'm not because they're wrong and I'm right!'

Wait until she hears about La Ren's time at the Olympics!

And now meet the woman who all the other Goldies are going to plot to murder.

Jan gets some intense twinkly music aka the wifey edit. Like Bear, she's been single for over a decade, and they have a slow dance — I reckon she's the winner, just saying.

"I couldn't take my eyes off her, Jan is something very special," Bear said as she walked away. It's so on!

Sammy arrives to remind the Goldies that their end is nigh — either nab a sacred rose tonight, or your journey to love will reach a dead end.

A rather bemused Bear rolls in and tbh, this guy seems very terrified of and intimidated by these impressive women. And I love it! It's actually quite refreshing to see a Bachie who isn't constantly putting on a fake veneer of overconfidence.

Bear knows this is not a normal scenario and he's definitely not acting normal.

'Blink twice if you're in danger??' Image: Nine.

And no one is being normal! Bianca tells Bear 'the thought of sitting one-on-one with you makes me want to vomit hahahaha!'

This is a bold flirting technique, my girl.

Meanwhile, Elizete is still trying to get someone (anyone??) to 'samba!' and is wandering around the house looking for storage space for her shoes.

It's chaos vibes at this cocktail party.

Something is rumbling in the distance while Sunny is interrogating Bear. "Anyway, back to here!" she clicks at herself.

Icon behaviour.

In Sunny, we trust! Image: Nine.

Another contestant named Kim arrives in a fancy Porsche car. Sunny is horrified that Bear is ditching her.

Know your worth, diva.

Kim is a doctor and a racecar driver. This doesn't sound real, Kim.

Back with all the women, I can't believe how little drama there is — no one is starting petty feuds or demanding attention. What a concept for this show.

Instead, La Ren and Kim are actual irl besties. The others are bonding over their bunions. Two women are engaging in a slow hug for no clear reason.

It's Goldies supporting Goldies!

It's giving just made the bestest friend of your life in the women's bathroom. Image: Nine.

The first impression rose is given to Jan and she was shocked. Everyone could see this coming, but we love our humble queen.

At the rose ceremony, it is a little bizarre to not see Osher's steely gaze as Sammy delivers her 'some of youse gotta go' speech.

Bianca is realising that her strategy of telling Bear he makes her want to do big spews and avoiding speaking to him all night may not have paid off.

But it totally did! She tells him she's going to vomit again. She should pen a dating advice book.

In typical Bachie style, it was the three women who barely shared a second of screentime who were leaving roseless. Cya!

And we're done! Wow. Okay, we're clearly not getting the hectic drama of the glory days of Bachie but I had some wholesome fun.

And if it doesn't work out, I'm starting the petition to make Sunny the first Golden Bachelorette. She deserves it!

Feature image: Nine.