"I keep getting asked about ‘MY’ birth plan. But the truth is, I don't have one."

We had our first birthing class last week as I am now just over 33 weeks pregnant. What an eye opener this was for a first time mum and dad in so many ways. Do you know they actually show you a recorded birth? Which, if you haven’t seen one, can be a little full on.

I actually saw my mother give birth to my baby sister when I was just 14 years old and I was there for the arrival of my nephew earlier this year, so you would assume I am a pro and have everything planned out. Well the truth is, now that this is happening to me, I have no idea what to expect because no two births are the same.

It wasn’t until George and I arrived at the hospital with eight other couples that I realised my pregnancy had cooked quicker than two minute noodles. As well as the fact that we have no idea how my birth is going to play out.

George being the typical man he is, isn’t forward thinking about my birth plan. He is being practical like always and planning. Step 1: Getting me to the hospital, because once I get there all he can do is be supportive of whatever happens.

Now some people rave on about birth plans and I keep getting asked about ‘MY’ birth plan. But am I the only one willing to state the obvious? How can I write a birth plan when every birth is different? Do I want drugs? Sure, which drugs? I don’t know, whatever helps to get my baby in my arms at the time.

My girlfriend told her partner that under no circumstances is he to let her get an epidural whilst in labour, it’s not in her birth plan. I couldn’t believe that she would put that kind of pressure on him. Poor guy is witnessing his wife in excruciating pain and he calls the final shots on what drugs she needs, when he probably just wants to give her whatever it is that is going to make her feel better.

So here I am, five or so weeks away from becoming a mother and coming to the realisation I can’t possibly prepare myself. Do you think you ever really can? Because I don’t. You can't even prepare for pregnancy. Sure you can read articles, flick through books and take on as many relatives’ labour and pregnancy stories as possible. But especially for your first time, how do you both mentally and physically prepare yourself when you have no idea of what to expect? I am clueless about my birth story.

Did I plan to wake up to my freshly washed sheets this morning to a little puddle of colostrum that has leaked from my right breast? No. But there is was! If there is something I have learnt since being pregnant, it's we just have to let go because every day is different.

Obviously it’s something I’ve been well aware of throughout my entire pregnancy – that ultimately the birth is what the whole pregnancy is leading up to. It's what I have to do it in order to hold our baby in my arms. And although it sounds so stupid, up until this birthing class, it hadn’t kicked in yet.

I am trying to be really positive but I’m not a hero. I’m not going to even try and sit here and say, "Bring it on!" Whatever happens, well it happens. But if I could close my eyes, wake up and be be breastfeeding my little baby, I'd happily do it. Unfortunately, it’s just not that easy and a birth plan isn’t going to make things any different. This is the conclusion I have come to.

It's going to bloody hurt and I don’t know exactly how bad. I am scared but I know it is going to be worth it. I am just going to roll with it do what I need to at the time. As much as it's going to be an empowering experience and I would like to be in complete control (like everything else I do), I am just going to have to leave it to the doctors and follow their instructions. So what am I planning? Step 1: Where to park the car. The rest is up to the doctors.

For now I am going to continue relishing in the fact I am growing a human and enjoying it moving around in my belly. I am going to enjoy my maternity leave catching up on my shows and reading non-pregnancy related books.

But most of all, I am going to hold onto this moment of bonding with my child inside my body instead of planning how they are going to come out, nipple pads and all.

 Did you have a birth plan?

This post originally appeared on Bec Marks The Spot.

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