Mamamia recaps The Bachelors: I CAN'T BELIEVE FELIX SENT [REDACTED] HOME.

We open on Osher coming to visit the three bachelors in their Bach Pad so that they can discuss their feelings.

Jed says the emotions are running a lot higher for him now, while Thomas says it's not easy being in love with "multiple women". And here we thought he was just in love with Leah! 

Felix envies Thomas because he wants to be in love too but his cold, emotionless heart is holding him back.

Proud dad Osher is brimming with happiness for how his three sons are leaning into the process of finding love.

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Then we're off on a single date with Thomas and Lauren. They're out somewhere in nature - which is Thomas' favourite place to be - and making spicy margaritas. Well, Thomas attempts to make a spicy margarita. First, he uses the wrong alcohol, and then he spills the drink all over the table. I give him 2 out of 10 for his efforts; the 2 points is for Lauren, who politely smiles and laughs in the face of such ineptitude.

Next up we have Felix and Tilly on their single date, which involves Go Karting. After hearing Thomas say he's in love with multiple women, Felix is feeling the pressure and wants to know if he and Tilly's relationship is more than just "that intense physical spark".

Newsflash, Felix: It isn't. But I'm sure a Go Karting date will fix that.

Hair nets are so attractive, aren't they?

After hitting each other for a while, rather than hitting on each other, Tilly wins the race. "I think me and Tilly needed a good bang, so now that we got that out of the way..." Felix tells us.

Meanwhile Tilly has noticed that Felix isn't being as touchy-feely as he normally is and she's confused about it.

Then we're back with Thomas and Lauren, where he asks her what her feelings towards him are. "I find it hard to talk about my feelings," Lauren tells us. "I'm a hairdresser; I talk about everyone else's feelings."

Thomas tells her he will be getting down on one knee and popping the question at the end of this, which, they both agree, is CRAZY. 

For Jed and Alesia's single date, they're climbing the phallic tower which houses the Bach Pad. Jed is deathly afraid of heights, so this is just like their rollercoaster ride where Jed screamed the whole way.

Hanging on for dear life.

"THE KING OF THE WORLD I AM NOT."

*CRIES HYSTERICALLY*

Somehow, Jed makes it through, and as he and Alesia stand at the top of the phallic tower gazing out at the sunset, they declare they "really, really like" each other. Jed tells Alesia he could see himself falling in love with her. And then they kiss for so long that it turns dark.

That night, the men and their single dates catch up at the Bach Pad. I mean, all Jed and Alesia do is hop through an open window, tbh.

Tilly is feeling the distance from Felix even more, and confronts him about it. He tells her their physical connection has never been lacking, but he wants to build their emotional connection too. It's an awkward conversation - there have been quite a few of those of late! - and Tilly can't find the words to answer Felix when he asks her where they are at emotionally.

The next day, the bachelors want to invite themselves over to the Bach Mansion for dinner but instead of, I don't know, giving the women a buzz on the phone, they decide to write the word "dinner" on pieces on paper and then see if the girls would somehow look through their telescope and see them sticking the paper on the walls of their glass penthouse.

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It takes a while for the women to figure out what the bachelors are trying to ask because it's all pretty stupid. But when they do, they're ecstatic.

YES, WE ARE OPEN FOR BUSINESS.

At the dinner, mathematically-challenged Krystal says she feels a "hundred million bucks". Queen Bella gives the toast, "To food, sex, and always doing better than our ex!" and then starts a game of Never Have I Ever.

This is not going to end well.

"Never have I ever thought about doing a Honey Badger," Bella says. 

Poor Thomas looks lost. "What's a Honey Badger?" he asks. 

Felix admits he wasn't always sure he could be in a relationship but that his mindset has changed over the course of getting to know the women. It does seem that he has shown personal growth, and I no longer cringe every time he's on screen.

"We've moulded him to be the perfect man," Krystal tells us. Yeah, I wouldn't go THAT far, Krystal. 

Abigail asks Felix how he feels about Jess's viewpoints on relationships, and we're treated to a flashback of the most irritating episode in history featuring "conscious conversationalist" Damien and "I can't make up my goddamn mind" Jess.

Remember this moment?

Jess says that ideally she and Felix would be in a monogamous relationship at the end of the show, but she wants a partner who is "open to an open relationship in the future". The conversation then goes on for hours, like it always does when it comes to this topic. Krystal thinks it's because Jess is so beautiful and alluring that you get lost in her words or some palava.

Cat lady Abigail puts it plainly to us: "If Felix wants a monogamous relationship, then Jessica should go home."

PREACH, MOTHER OF MINNIE. PREACH.

Several years later, it's night-time and the group is still having dinner and likely still talking about Jess' views on relationships. As Krystal would say, it was a thousand course dinner.

Osher pops up, as is his modus operandi, and everyone screams in excitement and dread because it's not normal for Osher to swing by at group dates. He tells them there is only one single date left before the finale. And then he dumps a vase of roses on the table, says the rose ceremony has already begun, and leaves.

That's our Osher. Starting fires and pouring cold water over parties wherever he goes.

As many of the women sit around crying, Thomas hands out the first rose to Lauren. So far, so expected.

Felix hands out his first rose to... JESS?! Dear god, Felix. I take back every nice thing I said about you. You're an idiot.

Jed of course hands out his first rose to Alesia. Good work, Jed.

Then the roses start flying thick and fast. Thomas gives a rose to Leah. Felix gives a rose to Abigail; that's more like it, Felix. Jed gives a rose to Angela, meaning that he has Courtney and Bella left. It's no surprise that he gives his last rose to Courtney.

We'll miss you, Queen Bella.

Jed and Bella share a sweet and wholesome goodbye that makes me a little teary. I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME. ALL THESE RECAPS HAVE MADE ME A ROMANTIC SAP.

Bella's last words to us are about the matching tattoos she and Jed got on their blind date a millennia ago:

"Pretty crazy that every time I look at this, I'll think about a man that didn't want to shag me."

Thomas gives his last rose to Kiki, as expected. Which means Jasmine is going home. Thank you so much, Jasmine, for bringing us the early drama with high-heels Tash and then switching bachelors from Jed to Thomas. You've been fabulous.

Gold stars for you.

There's now only one rose left. It will either go to Tilly or Krystal. Who will Felix choose?

Tilly, feeling that this is her last shot to tell her truth, takes Felix aside and tells him she can't lose him. She lays it all out on the line.

Felix grabs the last rose and walks over to... KRYSTAL! OMG! HE'S SENDING TILLY HOME!

We are as shook as Krystal.

Tilly is heartbroken.

"It just wasn't meant to be," she tells us, tearfully.

We're glad your face wasn't sucked into Felix's mouth, Tilly.

"The spark that I'm looking for comes in a different form now," Felix says to us. Aww, Felix. You really HAVE grown. We're as proud as your dad Osher.

In tomorrow night's episode, the boys have invited a sexologist to the Bach Pad for some couple's counselling. Of course one of the issues that crops up is Jess's open relationship, with her telling Abigail that she wants to continue her sexual relationship with Damien.

DEAR GOD, WHY WON'T SOMEONE STOP THIS TORTURE?

The Bachelors Australia continues 7.30pm tomorrow, followed by Wednesday and Sunday on 10 and 10 Play. 

Feature Image: Network 10.

Read previous The Bachelors recaps below.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 8: WE JUST WITNESSED THE MOST AWKWARD MOMENT IN BACHELOR HISTORY.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 7: Um... did Felix and Tilly just have sex in the pool?

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 6: YOU CAN'T JUST BRING YOUR BOYFRIEND ONTO THE SHOW.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 5: NO. All the drama just walked out the door.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 4: THIS IS THE MOMENT WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 3: One woman's secret leads to total carnage.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 2: SOMEBODY NEEDS TO STOP FELIX.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 1: One Bachelor is BRUTALLY rejected on the first date.