We open on the rose ceremony from last night. Everyone looks really awkward as they wait for the producers to tell them when they're allowed to approach each other.
Zoe's face says it all.
As soon as they're "released", Tilly steals Felix away because she hasn't seen him in several years.
"That's my boyfriend you've got, ya slag!" Krystal says jokingly, laughing with the other women.
Yet in her piece to camera, Krystal tells us how she REALLY feels. "She annoys me so much. I'm just looking around at all the rest of us Felix girls and he's not said hi to everyone. And it's just a joke."
Krystal tells the women that Tilly needs to have more self-awareness. In news that will shock no one, Jess doesn't think Tilly has done anything wrong. I must confess that Jess irritates me a great deal. After all that "conscious conversation" ridiculousness with her boyfriend Damien and the endless airtime given to the love triangle that no one cares about, I'm ready to have her leave this show.
Meanwhile, Tilly lets Felix know she's still there for him and that she'd like to spend some time with him.
Urgh.
They share a quick peck, which is positively wholesome by their standards. You know, Felix may actually truly be experiencing growth, as he proclaims. And by growth, I mean mentally, not physically, so get your mind out of the gutter.
From inside the Bach Mansion, Krystal and the other women spot the kiss. Krystal is livid. "I've always known Tilly was one to watch," she tells us. "The reality is, she's got a goal of just getting to Felix."
I mean, I don't want to ruin the plot for you, Krystal, but that IS the ultimate goal.
As Felix comes to say goodbye, he gets the cold shoulder from Krystal.
In the doghouse once again.
The next day we're treated to a slo-mo walk from the boys, which we haven't had in ages.
Strut your stuff, Bachies!
The men have come to the Bach Mansion to ask some of the women out on single dates. Jed asks Angela because Angela has had no airtime and we have no idea who she is. Similarly, Thomas asks Lauren, who I only just discovered yesterday has been on this show the whole time.
Felix asks Tilly on the single date of course. Krystal is not amused. As Felix and Tilly talk about their upcoming date, Felix does some sort of weird kissing thing with her. It reminds me of that time he did that Hannibal Lecter tongue smacking, which is the stuff of nightmares.
PLEASE STOP.
All the bachelors and their dates head to a burlesque and cabaret club called the Pink Flamingo. "My favourite colour's pink, I love flamingos, I happen to look like one when I get out of the shower," Jed tells us hilariously.
OMG, Jed is fabulous. Like a flamingo.
The group is then treated to a passionate and very sensual dance.
I'll just leave this here.
Felix and Tilly engage in some low-key dirty talk as they watch. Ewww.
Thomas and Lauren talk about getting to know each other deeper. We're provided with a flashback of when they first met on their blind date. "Have you tried hot yoga?" past Lauren asks past Thomas. Ah, I see why Thomas gave her a rose. If she'd asked him about eye-gazing, she would have been a frontrunner.
While Thomas and Lauren discuss marriage and family, Felix and Tilly discuss... why dinners are better than brunches. Apart from the fact that brunches are way better than dinners, the pair seem to have mostly sexual chemistry and little else.
Jed takes Angela away from the rest of the group to get into the nitty-gritty of how they feel about each other. Angela says she does not tend to be emotionally vulnerable with people, but opens up to Jed about how her parents' divorce drastically affected how she views relationships. Jed tells her he understands because the same thing happened to him.
Thomas and Lauren continue tgetting deep with each other. Over at Felix and Tilly's table, they're getting deep into each other's throats.
"I've been waiting to eat your face again."
The spit-swapping couple are so wrapped up in each other that a producer actually has to tell them to, well, wrap up.
LOL.
They all head back to the Bach Pad for a nightcap, where Jed and Angela engage in some tonsil-hockey of their own.
Meanwhile, Felix and Tilly get into the pool for a swim so that they can get to know each other better.
I hope they cleaned the pool afterwards.
Just when it looks like Felix and Tilly are going to have sex in the pool, Thomas and Lauren get in too. Thank god. I don't think my eyes could take much more.
Oh no. It hasn't deterred them. They're still at it.
Dear god, WHY.
Thomas and Lauren wisely decide to leave. "You can't really have a romantic time when there are two wild animals on the other side of the pool," Thomas tells us.
After finding a more animal-free area, Thomas and Lauren continue their D&M. Thomas is astounded by how much they have in common. "There were certain moments when she was talking where I just looked her in the eyes and I was just like, hey, where have you been all this time?" Thomas says to us, which is precisely what we want to know too. I mean, we didn't even know who Lauren was until yesterday.
The three women head back to the Bach Mansion, where all the ladies are waiting up for them. Tilly is practically giddy with happiness, and this makes Krystal fume. She thinks Felix and Tilly had sex. When asked if they had kissed, Tilly says No.
The next day, we're off to a distillery for the group date.
Those shoes are a lawsuit waiting to happen.
As the group date begins, Eboni pops up to tell us how excited she is. I swear I have never seen this woman before in my life. Has she truly been here this whole time?
Hello, Eboni!
I honestly thought she was an intruder - remember when Bachelor used to do those?
The girls ask Felix what they're going to be doing today and he says they're going to play miniature golf. Except it's not miniature golf, it's croquet.
Obviously Felix has never watched iconic film Heathers.
Krystal, Tilly, and non-intruder Eboni sit down on a picnic blanket. Krystal interrogates Tilly about what happened on her date at the Bach Pad, and Tilly once again says nothing happened.
"They made it very clear that they weren't excited for me, for my relationship with Felix, so why would I give anything away?" she tells us.
However, Krystal is like a dog with a bone. She will not let this go. So she takes Felix aside and asks him instead and even though he finds it a bit weird that she's asking, Felix tells her he and Tilly had a steamy pool session. This is Krystal's reaction:
If looks could kill.
Next up, it's time for the rose ceremony.
Osher arrives and tries to drum up some drama between Krystal and Tilly, but it falls pretty flat. What we need is someone who loves high-heels and was engaged to a bachelor. Speaking of, I just have to point out that we are near the end of this episode and Tash still hasn't made her appearance yet. What the heck is the holdup?
Anyway, Osher tells the women two women are going home tonight. The bachelors hand out their roses until there is just one left. And it goes to Krystal, thank god. We need our mathematically challenged queen to provide some element of drama.
The two women to go home are both from Felix's camp: Naomi, who kissed Felix in the pool in the second episode years ago, and Eboni, who we only just met. Osher informs them they've been volunteered as tributes and must leave the Bach Mansion.
Then:
I know those high-heels.
"I'm back, bitches! Did you miss me?" YES, TASH. WE MISSED YOU A LOT.
Tash has arrived at the Bach Pad. She tells us she's missed Jed and that's why she's returned.
"I want Jed back, and when I want something, I get it," she says.
The bachelors walk through the front door, aka the elevator, and do a double-take.
SHOOK.
Tash asks to speak with Jed privately, and Felix and Thomas stumble around, trying to make themselves scarce.
"I just want to go in there and send her home," Thomas says, which may be the first time Thomas has been less than polite. "She is f**king bad news."
Yes, Thomas, she is. AND WE LOVE IT.
The Bachelors Australia continues 7.30pm Sunday on 10 and 10 Play.
Feature Image: Network 10.
Read previous The Bachelors recaps below.
Mamamia recaps The Bachelors: YOU CAN'T JUST BRING YOUR BOYFRIEND ONTO THE SHOW.
Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 5: NO. All the drama just walked out the door.
Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 4: THIS IS THE MOMENT WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.
Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 3: One woman's secret leads to total carnage.
Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 2: SOMEBODY NEEDS TO STOP FELIX.
Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 1: One Bachelor is BRUTALLY rejected on the first date.
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