Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette: NO. Australia's favourite contestant just stormed out of the mansion.

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LOOK OUT.

Oshie’s got no time for Jamie to talk about Jamie in the third person tonight.

We need to rush through some unnecessary dates so Jamie can cause some sh*t at the cocktail party.

We open on Carlin (and his face) announcing that a baby has been dumped on the front step of the mansion and the boys have to band together to raise it, just like in a little film from the 80s that I like to call Nine Bachelors and a Baby Osher…

As soon as they arrive at the baby-themed group date, Haydn yells out "babies are sh*t" and then kicks some small children and steals their icecream.

It's a weird moment for everyone involved by mostly for Baby Osher who just wants his nine heterosexual dads to love him unconditionally.

They then play a game which involves ripping the limbs off small children and running around in a circle.

It makes zero sense but Jackson is declared the winner and gets to spend some alone time with Angie.

As soon as they sit on the feelings couch, Jackson starts yelling about how his son will have to play footy but if they're a girl it's OK if they do ballet or something. AS LONG AS SPORT IS INVOLVED.

Back at the mansion, Jamie is wearing a fun hat.

Osher arrives with a date card and Jamie and his fun hat are convinced he's going to get it.

SPOILER ALERT... he doesn't get it.

Even Jamie - deep down inside himself - knows he's only on this show to talk about himself in the third person and stare angrily into the distance during the rose ceremonies.

Carlin (and his face) gets the date which is basically an excuse for Angie to rub sunscreen on his nipples while Osher giggles behind a sand dune.

Back at the mansion Jamie is angry that his fun hat didn't work, so he's wearing a schemin' backwards cap and plotting to throw some people under some buses.

Meanwhile at the single date, Angie is talking to Carlin's face and there's sunsets and rainbows and possibly a dolphin or two but WE DON'T CARE CAUSE WE WAS PROMISED SOME ROSE-BASED DRAMA PLS.

Ssssssssshhhhhh.

It's cocktail party time.

We open on Timm with two Ms saying that sh*t's about to go down and...

Angie arrives and takes Haydn for a chat to discuss that time he stole some kids' icecreams and made them cry.

Together they decide it's time for him to leave the mansion for the safety and wellbeing of Baby Osher and his eight remaining heterosexual dads.

Ciarran is feeling down for some unknown reason despite that fact that he has a cute braid going on.

PAUSE.

It's bus-throwin' time.

Jamie tells Angie that Matt and Ciarran aren't genuine and Carlin has been "peacockin' around the mansion" and talking about being the bachelor 2020.

Jamie then confronts Carlin about his peacockin' ways and we - as a nation - are offended on behalf of Carlin's face.

Angie takes Carlin for a chat. Tears almost run down his beautiful face and it's a lot for Baby Osher who is definitely up past his bedtime.

Angie then grabs Timm for a chat because he has two Ms and if anyone is going to tell her the truth, it's him.

Timm and his two Ms say they've never witnessed Carlin impersonating a peacock but they have spotted an alpaca or two within the grounds of the mansion.

Angie and Carlin go for another chat and Angie apologises for listening to Jamie.

Timm with two Ms gets a little bit excited and thinks Angie has taken Carlin's rose back.

Ryan asks him if he's stirring shit and Timm with two Ms does a little yell then realises that Angie is just wearing Carlin's jacket.

THEN

WAIT

WTF

Ciarran starts swearing at Timm with two Ms and then yells "f*ck this" and storms out of the mansion.

THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING.

We already miss him and his cute braid.

UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.

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Catch up on all our recaps here:
Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette episode 1: Australia just met the creepiest villain in Bachelorette history.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette episode 2: YESSSSSS. Australia's biggest dirtbag is kicked out of the mansion.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette episode 3: A man from Angie's past leaves the mansion divided.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette episode 4: A new frontrunner leaves the rest of the men fuming.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette: OH HONEY, NO. Jamie gives Angie a gift that she certainly doesn't want.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette: OH NO. Jamie has gone into full Stage Five Clinger mode.