The 4 most irritating things that happen at work

by TONIA ZEMEK

Telephone tag is so last year.  Now there are a new range of office games for you and your colleagues to enjoy – climbing that corporate ladder just got a whole lot more entertaining.

1. The Photocopy Tango

Colleagues are given one photocopier.  Please note: the photocopier must have more moving parts than a Swiss watch.  The operating panel should contain enough flashing lights to land a small aircraft.

Players are separated into two teams.  Team A knows EVERYTHING about how to operate the photocopier.  They are competent, nay cavalier, when it comes to removing paper jams.  Resizing to A4, A3 or A5 is a cinch for these guys. Changing toner is not a problem.  What about the double-sided, triple reverse pike, staple sort?  Mere child’s play.

Team B knows NOTHING about the photocopier. To play photocopy tango, team B must try and enlist help from team A.  If a member of team A actually assists, instructs, comforts or protects a member of team B then they have automatically switched teams.

The winning team is the side with the most players.

2. Tearoom Twister

Players are each given a homemade lunch to take to the office. Leftovers, sandwiches and salads are ideal.  The tearoom should contain one small fridge.  Mini bar size is ideal.

Players are asked to squeeze their lunch into tiny crevices of the fridge.  Sandwiches must be twisted, origami-style, to fit in the gap between Gillian’s leftover lasagna and Phil’s caesar salad.  Plastic lunch boxes incur a triple word score, as they bring the degree of difficulty up by roughly 75%.

Kev’s 25cm x 15cm tub conceals a tasty macaroni cheese.  Sounds harmless but that rectangle takes up prime real estate.  Julie’s wrap is going to need careful cajoling to wedge safely between that box and Rob’s turkey and cranberry baguette.

The colleague with an edible lunch is declared the winner.

3. You, Me & WC

This game can be played in virtually any office but the bigger the better. Each player is given a bathroom with a minimum of two cubicles. Each cubicle is equipped with three toilet rolls. Toilet rolls must be meticulously placed as follows:

Toilet Roll 1 – unwrapped and on toilet roll holder

Toilet Roll 2 – wrapped and known as a “spare”, it sits on top of the cistern (near the flush button)

Toilet Roll 3 – wrapped and sits on the floor (usually bottom right of the stall)

Players are asked to be courteous.  When a toilet roll is finished players should discard the empty roll, then take a spare roll and place it on the toilet roll holder.

Players who fail to replace rolls will be asked to refrain from relieving themselves whilst at work.  Repeat offenders will be asked to use the porta-loo outside the building.  If violations continue for longer than 12 months the colleague in question will be dismissed.  For irreconcilable bowel movement differences.

4. Disarm the Alarm

Each player is issued with a code.  The code must be an elaborate combination of numbers and symbols.  557290# is mediocre. ****_5#3000_+**9944//22{39871_510##****_ is perfect.  Players are asked to memorize the code.

Twelve months after memorizing the code, players will be told to work outside normal working hours.  Players should find themselves in the office carpark at around 9am on a wet and cold Sunday.  When players approach the office door, they must reach for the handle.

The real fun begins when they realize the office is locked.  Cue the dancing girls, play the jingle.  Come on down ‘cause it’s time to play.

To the right of the door is a pocket-size, mounted box featuring a tiny keyboard and highly reflective display panel.  Players are instructed to enter the correct code to disarm the alarm.  If the wrong code is entered, the alarm sounds and the player is automatically disqualified. The winner is the player who enters the correct code and gets inside the building.

Tonia Zemek has worked as a television producer for over 15 years. To follow her journey visit her Twitter here.

 

 

 

Are there any absurd occurrences in your office, that really amount to nothing more than game playing? Are you the winner of any of your office games? Do you play actual games in the office to pass the time? (Go on, admit it, we know you do!)