'I was fine with my teen daughter having social media, until I saw what she was watching.'

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I'm a mum, a mindset coach, and a woman who's worked with many teens and mums over the past decade. And I can tell you, hands down, our girls are learning more from social media than they are from us right now. That's the part that scares me the most.

It hit me on a recent girls' trip. We were sitting around the table, deep in conversation, as mums do when we finally get a break. The topic turned to social media and what our daughters are consuming. Not just the trending dances or skincare routines. But the influencers. The women they're watching. The ones they're copying.

It wasn't a judgment. It was concern. Because it's not just what they're seeing, it's how it's being packaged.

Performative empowerment. Aesthetic vulnerability. Emotional reactivity sold as boundaries.

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And all of it wrapped in the kind of curated chaos that looks inspiring on the outside but leaves young girls confused, dysregulated, and chasing a version of confidence that is anything but.

Here's what I know. Our daughters are smart. They're curious. They're trying to figure out who they are. But when the loudest voices online are glamorising over-sharing, cutting people off in the name of boundaries, or posting filtered trauma dumps for clout, we are teaching the next generation that emotional reactivity is the same thing as emotional intelligence. It's not.

I'm seeing it in my own clients. Teens and women who come to me feeling unworthy, disconnected, unsure of their place in the world — but convinced that if they just speak their truth louder or cut more people off, they'll finally feel empowered. They won't.

Because healing isn't found in blame. Growth isn't found in performance. And maturity isn't found in a viral video. Somewhere along the line, we've made it normal to perform our pain for public validation. We've made curated breakdowns look brave.

We've blurred the lines between influence and self-indulgence. And when you're 14, scrolling this kind of content on loop, it becomes the blueprint.

Let me be clear. I'm not against social media. I use it. I teach from it. I've built a career on showing up vulnerably online. But there is a massive difference between being raw and being reckless. Between true empowerment and emotional immaturity dressed up with good lighting and a trending audio.

One thing I'm seeing more and more is the rise of black and white thinking. You're either with me or against me. If you disagree, you're a hater.

There's no space for nuance. No room for honest disagreement. That's not empowerment. That's ego.

And it's costing our girls their ability to think critically, hold multiple truths, and navigate conflict with maturity.

Another dangerous trend is mental health being used as a hall pass for toxic behaviour. I'm all for breaking stigma, normalising therapy, and creating safe spaces to talk about what hurts. But when mental health becomes the scapegoat for accountability, we're teaching young women that feelings justify everything.

That's not how healing works. And then there's the mixed messaging…

You've got women using their platforms to speak about sensitive subjects while also marketing their own sexual wellness products in the same breath.

One moment they're unpacking trauma, the next they're promoting sex toys and lingerie under the banner of empowerment. And look, I'm not here to shame sexual expression. I fully believe in it. But I am here to say that for a 13, 14, or 15-year-old girl still forming her sense of identity and self-worth, this is deeply confusing.

It sends a message that empowerment is hypersexual. That confidence must come with content that sexualises you. And if you're a teen girl who hasn't yet had a sexual experience, it can feel intimidating. Like you're behind. Like your worth is tied to how boldly you can perform sexuality online.

That's not empowerment. That's pressure dressed up as freedom. So what do I want my daughters and every girl growing up online to learn?

That strength can be soft. That boundaries don't have to be aggressive. That true confidence is quiet, self-led, and deeply grounded in self-worth. That vulnerability isn't about crying on camera. It's about knowing when, where, and with whom to share your truth.

I want them to follow women who are walking their talk. Women who can own their mistakes and apologise. Women who lead from self-awareness, not self-promotion.

Women who model resilience, grace, and actual emotional maturity, not just crazy rants and curated trauma.

Because girls don't become empowered by watching women be angry online. They become empowered by watching women rise without needing to tear anyone else down along the way.

And that's the kind of influence I want to be part of.

Kris Byrnes is a Personal Development Coach and Master NLP Practitioner. She helps women uncover blind spots, clear limiting beliefs, and take ownership of their lives. Host of the Inside Out with Kris podcast.

Feature image: Supplied.