'My husband left me for another woman. What my daughter did five years later broke me completely.'

As told to Ann DeGrey

When my marriage ended, I fell apart in quite a dramatic way. I turned into something of a recluse, only leaving my house to take my daughter Sally* to school.

But after a while, I realised I was doing too much harm to myself, so I took myself to counselling and slowly came to terms with what had happened.

My husband had fallen in love with a colleague and moved out of the family home in what felt like the blink of an eye. I was shell shocked for ages, but I eventually met his girlfriend Amanda* and, while I wanted to hate her, I just couldn't.

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She was very kind, telling me I'd done a great job of raising such a special girl, and Sally reassured me her new "stepmother" treated her wonderfully.

Amanda and I were like chalk and cheese; she is very laid back while I've always been very intense. I grew up in a very working-class family, while Amanda came from money.

At first, I felt upset that she could offer Sally things I couldn't: weekend getaways, horse riding lessons, a room twice the size of her one at home. But I gradually came to see that as a huge advantage for my daughter.

As Sally got older, the comparisons started. "Amanda always lets me stay up late," or "Amanda says I can go shopping on my own if I want."

It annoyed me, but I told myself to be the bigger person. Amanda wasn't the problem anymore; she and my ex broke up after five years together.

At first, I wondered if Sally and Amanda were still going to be close. Amanda didn't have children of her own, so I felt there was no need for her to stay in touch with my daughter.

By the time Sally was 16, she'd been going through what I can only call a rebellious phase.

She started pushing boundaries, staying out late and telling white lies about where she was going. I was doing my best to be patient, but I was also worried.

One night she didn't come home until nearly 2am, and I was beside myself. We had a huge argument the next day, and she stormed off to Amanda's and didn't come home for two nights.

I eventually found out, through Amanda, that Sally had been caught drinking with friends in a park and neighbours had called the police. I was furious, not just about the drinking, but that Amanda didn't let me know right away.

She said she didn't want to "alarm me" until she'd had a chance to talk to Sally and help her calm down. That's when the power shift became very clear.

Sally had stopped confiding in me. Instead, she was telling Amanda everything, and I was just the angry mum back home, always nagging and worrying.

A few weeks later, Sally sat me down and told me she wanted to move in with Amanda. I was stunned; I didn't even know if it was legal as she was underage.

But I quickly found out that Sally was at an age where she can decide who she lives with, and she'd already had the conversation with her father, who gave his blessing.

I felt blindsided all over again! Sally packed her bags, and I was the last to find out. It was hard not to take it personally.

This was my child, and she was choosing to live with someone who, while loving, was the very woman her father left me for!

I cried on and off for days, as I felt like I'd lost her. First my marriage, then my stability, and now even my own child wanted distance from me.

But after the initial heartbreak and anger, something unexpected happened: things got better.

Sally started calling me more, and she popped over two or three times a week to spend time with me. She'd ask if I wanted to go shopping or meet up for dinner.

We weren't fighting anymore as I wasn't constantly hounding her to do her homework or be home on time.

It took a long time for me to realise, but I saw she was doing better. Amanda let me know she'd set clear house rules and, so far, Sally was sticking to them.

When I saw her recently, she hugged me and said, "I just needed some space to breathe, Mum. That's all."

I still miss having my daughter living in my house. But I'm trying to see this for what it is: not a rejection, but a redirection. Sally just needed something I couldn't give her right now.

*Names have been changed to protect identities

Feature Image: Getty (Stock image for illustrative purposes only).