‘Ted Lasso just showed us pure positive masculinity and it’s unlike anything I’ve seen on screen.’

SPOILER ALERT: If you have not watched season three episode seven of Ted Lasso yet, read on at your own peril!

In the latest episode of Ted Lasso, there was a moment when my toxic expectation did not meet the positive reality.

The episode touches on the treatment of refugees in the UK with a politician telling people to ‘go back where they came from’. Richmond’s Nigerian import Sam Obisanya, starts to tweet to this minister telling her that he’s disappointed with her stance and hopes she can learn and change her mind.

She tweets back at him, telling him to continue being a mediocre footballer to which he responds with he’d rather be a mediocre footballer than a world-class bigot.

Watch: How To Be A Big Strong Man: Toxic Masculinity. Post continues after video.

The hate in Sam’s timeline starts to flow and ends with him heading to his restaurant to find it has been broken into and trashed, the words 'Shut Up And Dribble' painted across an entire wall.

Sam returns to Greyhound HQ, his anger and resentment at boiling point. He throws his bag into his locker and yells at his teammates about the awful humans who do these things while at the same time love him for kicking around a little ball.

Just as his pain and anger escalates, Sam’s father who has flown in from Nigeria to see his son and eat at his restaurant, walks in the door calling his son’s name in order to stop his tirade.

Now THIS is where I thought the toxic masculinity lesson was about to be delivered.

In any other show, this is where the father teaches his son how to be hard, how to fight back, how to get revenge. This is where the father, a big, imposing man in traditional Nigerian dress, tells his son to harden up and how real men don’t cry.

Instead, Sam runs to his father, and we watch as a fully grown man buries his face in his Dad’s shoulder while his father tenderly cradles his son’s head.

In the next scene, Sam is sitting next to his Dad in the gym as they discuss what has happened. His father teaches him that the greatest way to piss off the haters, is to forgive them and not fight back, but rather fight forward.

Image: Supplied.

They lean into each other and the father holds his son carefully as he hopes his wisdom will help heal his wounded heart.

This example of positive masculinity, I have realised, is delivered to us through mainstream media so rarely, that it took me by total surprise. I cried, it was so beautiful.

When I talk about masculinity within my circles of friends and colleagues, more than likely we are discussing the toxic kind. The kind that sees men take the lives of women every day, the kind that tells men they're top of the food chain, that will tell us women aren’t happy unless they are married with kids, even though Chelsea Handler keeps telling them, quite forcefully, that she’s pretty damn fine.

We seem to be surrounded by it, the Joe Rogans and Jordan Petersons telling us that even the term toxic masculinity itself is bulls**t and that men are masculine because they need to be hard, otherwise there would be no jets or bridges or rockets or some other such rubbish. (Did anyone tell Mr Rogan that it was a woman who successfully computed many of those space missions? Seems not.)

The idea that masculine is this one-dimensional thing, that it’s aggressive, tough and unbreakable, is a disservice to the wonderful other traits of masculinity. That it is caring and capable, supportive and kind.

Toxic masculinity tells us that the feminine is weak, positive masculinity tells us that femininity is an equal, that they can complement each other, can be interchangeable, no woman is ALL feminine nor is a man ALL masculine.

I have started following some Instagram accounts that highlight positive masculinity and it’s just such a relief, I cannot recommend the We Are Man Enough podcast enough.

There are videos of young boys picking each other up after falling off a bike and wiping a mate’s tears away before giving him a hug and encouraging him to pedal on.

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Dads texting their daughters to see if they need tampons.

A young boy gifts his father a shirt he sewed himself as his Dad accepts with pride.

One giant Dad stands tall as he accompanies his tiny ballerina daughter as her recital partner.

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Men explain that doing the damn dishes isn't something that is done for points or payback, that you do the damn dishes because the damn dishes need to be done and if you live in the damn house, you damn well do them too!

Sorry, might be a little close to home that one!

So thank you Ted Lasso, for bringing some much-needed positive masculinity into our lives, may the men and boys watching it learn to see the strength and power in it.

Featured Image: Canva.