When helping your daughter "fix" her appearance isn't about vanity at all.

On Sunday, a mum posted anonymously in Mamamia's You Beauty group asking a question many of us can relate to, or at least sympathise with.

Her almost 10-year-old daughter was being teased about her eyebrows. A monobrow. She was becoming increasingly self-conscious. The mum was torn. Was she too young to wax it? Would helping her send the wrong message?

The responses were swift and overwhelmingly supportive. Help her. Not because appearances matter more than anything else, but because distress does. And for the issue causing it, unwanted hair, in this case, there's a very simple solution.

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Reading through the comments, I felt tears prickling at my eyes. It's not often you visit a comments section and find such overwhelming positivity. Support, not judgement. Recognition. Because so many of us are parenting in the space between what we wish the world was like, and what it actually is...

Girls don't learn to worry about their bodies from their mothers. They learn it from the world, often long before they have the words to explain what feels wrong. For many girls, the first time that awareness hits isn't puberty. It's hair. Unwanted hair. Hair that tangles overnight. Hair that hurts when brushed. Hair that isn't like the Disney Princesses. Hair that becomes a daily source of frustration or embarrassment before a child has any language for it.

Image: Facebook/ You Beauty.

We like to believe that if we don't talk about appearance, our children won't notice it. But silence doesn't protect them. Experience teaches them.

There's a story we tell ourselves as parents, particularly when raising girls. That strength means enduring. That confidence means ignoring. That empowerment means waiting it out. But what if sometimes empowerment looks like saying, "I see that this is bothering you, and I'm here to help"?

The mums in that You Beauty thread weren't teaching their daughters that they needed to be changed. They were responding to a child's distress with empathy, kindness and knowledge.

Helping a child manage their hair or appearance isn't about teaching them that they must be different to be worthy. It's about teaching them that their comfort matters, and that they are allowed to ask for help. Self-care is important and it's not the same as correction.

We don't hesitate to help our children with glasses, braces, or shoes that actually fit. We understand that physical discomfort has emotional consequences. Why should hair, or any self-care issue for that matter, be treated any differently?

There is also something deeply loaded about hair for women. It is so tied into femininity, identity, and self-expression. Pretending that this doesn't apply to girls until a certain age doesn't protect them. It just delays the conversation until it's harder. What protects girls isn't denial or time. It's guidance.

When I think about that anonymous mum, I don't see someone teaching her child that appearance is everything. I see someone taking a small weight off her daughter's shoulders and, hopefully, embracing a moment in her daughter's life she will reflect on, in the years to come.

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Sometimes it starts with something small.

A brush that doesn't hurt.

A simple solution to a source of discomfort or embarrassment.

A parent who says, "I see you."

Sonja Wilson is the founder of Bloom Squad Kids Haircare. You can find her here.

Feature image: Supplied.