We need to talk about 'Tampongate', the royal scandal that will never be shown on The Crown.

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Long before Prince Harry and Meghan Markle quit their jobs and left Britain, there was another royal scandal so... sordid, the royal family tried very hard to cover it up.

We’re talking about an incident referred to as 'Tampongate'.

Let’s rewind a bit.

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The royal family is well-acquainted with scandals that deal with matters of the, erm, heart.

From Prince Edward giving up the throne for American divorcee Wallis Simpson, and Prince Philip’s many alleged affairs while on tour, to Princess Margaret’s secret relationship with the much older Peter Townsend, and even Prince Andrew’s friendship with the late convicted paedophile Jeffrey Epstein, poor Queen Elizabeth has had to deal with a lot of crap from her family over the years.

But honestly, can you imagine her face when some royal adviser notified her that her son and heir to the throne, Prince Charles, was embroiled in a horny tampon scandal?!

If you're not familiar with this particular royal tale, allow us to explain.

In 1993, just over a month after Prince Charles and Princess Diana had formally separated, a leaked recording of a conversation between Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles made global headlines.

Why? Because the late-night discussion dubbed 'Tampongate' and 'Camillagate' involved the Prince detailing how he'd very much like to get into Camilla's pants. It's important to note – this conversation was leaked to the press and published four years after it took place in 1989, when Charles and Diana were still married, and Camilla was married to her first husband Andrew Parker Bowles.

The transcript of part of their exchange, as reported by the Mirror, goes as follows:

CHARLES: Oh, God. I’ll just live inside your trousers or something. It would be much easier!

CAMILLA (laughing): What are you going to turn into, a pair of knickers? (Both laugh). Oh, you’re going to come back as a pair of knickers.

CHARLES: Or, God forbid, a Tampax. Just my luck! (Laughs)

CAMILLA: You are a complete idiot! (Laughs) Oh, what a wonderful idea.

CHARLES: My luck to be chucked down a lavatory and go on and on forever swirling round on the top, never going down.

CAMILLA (laughing): Oh, darling!

CHARLES: Until the next one comes through.

CAMILLA: Oh, perhaps you could just come back as a box.

CHARLES: What sort of box?

CAMILLA: A box of Tampax, so you could just keep going.

CHARLES: That’s true.

CAMILLA: Repeating yourself… (laughing). Oh, darling, oh I just want you now.

As you can imagine, the world lost its collective sh*t when this tape leaked. Not just because this unspeakable dirty talk was coming from the man who is meant to be the future King of England, but also... we can all agree it was a truly shocking attempt at phone sex, yeah?

According to Princess Diana's former personal protection officer Ken Wharfe, Charles' ex-wife didn't really enjoy hearing him explain, in detail, exactly where he wanted to be located within Camilla's body.

In his novel Guarding Diana: Protecting The Princess Around The World, Wharfe wrote, "Later, however, she told me that she had been genuinely shocked by some of the baser comments, particularly the Prince's tampon reference. 'It's just sick,' she said repeatedly."

So, now we're all up to speed with 'Tampongate', why won't this very juicy royal sex scandal feature in an upcoming season of Netflix's royal TV show The Crown?

Because the actor who plays a young Prince Charles in the series, Josh O'Connor, doesn't want to make his parents feel uncomfortable.

In an interview with EW Live earlier this year, O’Connor said that as soon as he was offered the part, he made sure the romantic Tampax call would not be included in the script.

"When they offered me the role, one of my first questions was — I say questions, I think it was pretty much a statement — 'We are not doing the tampon phone call,'" he said.

Really, it's a shame because even though Prince Charles himself is reportedly "deeply worried" about how the show will depict his relationships in the upcoming seasons, 'Tampongate' would have made for some really excellent TV.

Feature Image: Getty.

This post was originally published on May 15, 2020, and updated on November 20, 2020.