Like Tammy Hembrow, some of us are just bad at picking men.

Looking at Tammy Hembrow's dating history, it's easy to sit back and judge. Another failed engagement. Another public breakup. Another woman who "should have known better."

But here's the uncomfortable truth: some of us are just bad at picking men.

I can look back at my own dating history and rattle off the list of red flags I've ignored and signs of incompatibility I've looked past because I was in love or excited about what could be. One of my friends recently told me that she doesn't know why she "only dates losers". Another had a bad run of picking "emotionally unavailable but good-looking" guys.

Sometimes we pick losers. Sometimes we ignore red flags because we're in love. Sometimes we think this is our forever person only to end up completely blindsided. And sometimes, despite doing everything "right" — looking for green flags, communicating openly, taking things slow — it still doesn't work out.

This was the case for Sasha*.

First, listen to the real reason you keep dating the wrong people on But Are You Happy? Post continues below.

Sasha* thought she'd found her person. A Melbourne doctor who met Jarred*, a finance worker, on a dating app in 2020, their relationship ticked all the boxes from the start.

"I thought we worked well together. I thought we were good with our communication," she told Mamamia.

Jarred was supportive of her demanding career, taking on household responsibilities. Friends and family adored him. When they got engaged in November 2023, it felt natural.

They legally married in August 2024, and Sasha threw herself into planning their dream wedding for April 2025.

Then, in February, just two months before they were due to walk down the aisle, Jarred detonated their life together.

He didn't want to get married. Actually, he'd be better off alone.

"It was devastating," Sasha said. "In my head, this was the person I'm legally married to. I thought we were already committed to each other and then all of a sudden he's saying, 'No, I actually can't do it with you.'"

Jarred claimed he'd been feeling lonely and unappreciated for an entire year. While there had been conversations about his love languages not being met, nothing prepared Sasha for this.

"Even in the week prior to him ending things, we were still going shopping for his wedding shoes," she said.

"I had no idea. I was completely blindsided."

It was only after the breakup that Sasha's rose-tinted glasses shattered completely. While she wasn't the perfect partner in his eyes, she learned he had red flags flying.

"It can happen to anyone," she said.

Watch: How to support someone going through a divorce or separation. Post continues below.

Just last week, Tammy Hembrow echoed those exact sentiments, announcing her separation from Love Island's Matt Zukowski after just seven months of marriage. The couple got engaged in the Maldives in November 2023, after dating long-distance for just eight weeks.

"Did I think this was going to happen? No. Did I want this? No. Obviously, when you marry someone, you do it thinking that it's going to be forever."

But Tammy took full accountability for her pattern of romantic choices.

"I blame no one but myself to be honest," she said. "I feel like I've made not the best choices when it comes to relationships and I feel like I am really good at putting on rose-coloured glasses.

"Nothing anyone can say can make me feel like more s*** than I already do. More humiliated."

That public humiliation is something Sarah* knows all too well. She was married for 10 months before realising she couldn't bring children into her relationship — not because she didn't want kids, but because she couldn't bear the thought of them witnessing what she was enduring.

Sarah had been with her partner since she was 19. He was a few years older. After six years together, they got engaged and had the big white fairytale wedding everyone dreams of.

But behind the Instagram-perfect photos was emotional abuse and coercive control. When they separated after just 10 months of marriage, Sarah couldn't shake the shame she felt.

"I was so embarrassed," she told Mamamia. "I didn't tell people for a long time."

It took her years to realise she wasn't a failure. Watching Tammy's announcement brought it all flooding back.

"The thought of what Tammy went through... We all went, 'Oh god, don't get married,' then she did it and everyone's like, 'Of course it didn't work out.' But she's a real person. I imagine she didn't do this thinking it would end up this way."

"To have to face everyone. To have to announce it publicly. To have to make a video — it's made worldwide news that her marriage didn't work out. It would be awful. I couldn't imagine what I went through having to go through that publicly.

"We all think it was stupid, say 'I told you so' — it doesn't help, doesn't stop what she's feeling. She knows. There's no point saying that."

Watch Tammy Hembrow's separation announcement video. Post continues below.

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For Gemma*, the pattern became impossible to ignore after her second marriage imploded.

After her first five-year marriage ended, she met Zach*. At first, it felt like destiny. He liked all the same food. Laughed at the same jokes. Loved the same holidays.

But after a few years, Gemma realised the horrifying truth: he was reflecting her own personality back to her.

"Over time, his true personality came out and he never like that stuff. He only agreed because it's what I wanted. We had nothing in common," she told Mamamia.

Behind closed doors, Zach's true colours came to light.

"I'm in my early 40s. I'd like to think I was smarter than this," she said.

Even her friends and family hadn't seen through Zach's facade. Now, it's become a running joke that her taste in husbands is terrible.

But Gemma refuses to stop believing in love.

"I felt like an idiot, but I realised I'm not the idiot, I'm a good person who loves intensely and deeply and it's other people who take advantage of that. I shouldn't stop loving."

She believes women are simply more forgiving, more willing to see potential where others see red flags.

"They tolerate more than they should," she said.

"Everybody wants to be loved, everybody wants to be happy. We want the nice story we were sold as girls. As you get older, I'm learning now, screw the story."

Why are some women 'bad' at picking men?

The psychology behind our romantic choices is complex.

Clinical psychologist and couples therapist Phoebe Rogers told Mamamia we can mistake emotional intensity for chemistry, when it's really a red flag.

"We get swept up in the emotion of the relationship (and weddings), and minimise the warning signs," she said. "Women tend to be skilled at making their relationships work.

"Many of us haven't experienced how a healthy relationship dynamic feels, so we don't know what to look out for, the partner to choose. It can also be if we're unhealed, we don't know how to bring healthy communication to a relationship, or express needs, and our partner isn't a mind reader."

Sometimes we even trauma-bond.

"You can hear all the traumatic experiences of the person, feel sad for them, but not really knowing them as a person," Phoebe said.

"You would tend to idealise them more, have deep feeling for them very quickly, and minimise their flaws."

"If it feels like you've known them forever, this is not a good thing," she said. "You may even feel this is 'it' rather than really thinking from your head — do our values align? What are our common interests? What is their life direction? Do they fit in my world? If there's no logic and all emotion, reassess."

Her advice? Learn what secure love actually feels like.

"Healthy love will feel calm, stabilising, grounded," she said. "Your nervous system will tend to settle pretty early on; you are knowing the person — their qualities, traits, interests. There's a lightness to it, and a steady rhythm."

*Names changed for privacy.

Feature image: Instagram/tammyhembrow, Getty.