If you had a Tamagotchi, it taught you these 5 life lessons without you realising.

What would your Tamagotchi say to you right now? 

I have a pretty good idea of what mine would tell me... "It's been 16 years, there is shit everywhere, I look SO ugly, I keep dying, I've been living off of cake and burgers my whole life and yet my digestion is great... WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!"

My Tamagotchi era (when I was 11 years old) comes to my mind frequently. I remember walking into school with my lanyard around my neck, my little bedazzled Tamagotchi hitting my chest with every step I took. 

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My friends would be waiting for me at the gate with their own Tamagotchi in hand, ready to "connect" with mine. This is my one chance to brag so I'm going to take it. My Tamagotchi game was elite. 

I think I was the best Tamagotchi-er there was out there. Why you ask? Because I didn't just hold the fort down with one Tamagotchi... I had two. 

That's right — because I was such a responsible and perfect child, my parents bought me two Tamagotchis. 

Well... that's a bit of an exaggeration, my second Tamagotchi was actually my sister's, but she's six years younger than me and a five-year-old is NOT ready for that type of responsibility... So when she wasn't looking, I took hers. (Sis, if you're reading this... I'm lying for dramatic effect). 

I truly believe nothing has topped my Tamagotchi era. It wasn't just a fun little game for me; it was my first taste of adult responsibility. 

Now, I'm certain that our Tamagotchi's taught us some very important life lessons. Here's what they are... 

1. Regular bowel movements are key.

The main memory about my Tamagotchi was how many times that little blob went to the bathroom. I think every time I woke up, there would be at least seven poos for 11-year-old me to clean up. 

I remember my parents telling me, "You could clean up after your actual dogs for once as well." I would reply, "Please, Mum and Dad, I have a real animal to take care of, it's too much responsibility."

My Tamagotchi taught me that regular bowel movements are key to a healthy lifestyle (seven a day seems excessive though).  

2. The awkward phase lasts longer than expected.

I'm sure you remember that the Tamagotchi goes through life phases fairly quickly. It starts off as an egg, then a baby, a child, a teenager and finally an adult. 

I need to talk about the teenager phase because... it was not pretty. 

My cute little blob suddenly grew a... beak? I did not sign up for this. I'm not proud about it but I will admit the first time I saw my teenage Tamagotchi, I was so put off by its look that I hit the reset button. 

Before you ask, no, the life lesson isn't to reset your teenagers. It was to remind little old me that the awkward phase lasts a long time. But hey, at least we didn't grow beaks. 

3. Nutrition? I don't know her. 

This was more of an anti-lesson. I learnt the hard way that unlike my Tamagotchi, humans can't actually survive off only eating burgers and cake. If you have been doing this, please get in contact with me because I want what you have. 

This was even more confusing to me when I realised that my Tamagotchi was still having very frequent bowel movements with those two insane meals... make it make sense. I guess the lesson here is... let them eat cake?

4. As long as you take medicine, all will be well.

This one is a bit deep, so get the tissues ready. When your Tamagotchi was sick, you would give it medicine. You didn't know what type of sick it was and you didn't know what type of medicine you were giving it, but it all worked out in the end. 

As a sickly child, I remember being so jealous of my Tamagotchi during those bedridden days. All it would take was a press of a button and immediately my little creature would be back to "normal." I, however, took some time to get well. 

My little guy taught me as a child that it will get better as long as you take your medicine (metaphorical or physical). Wow, isn't that beautiful? 

5. Everything goes to sh*t after you turn 12.

The developers really did us dirty by killing off our Tamagotchis after 12 days. To all those saying that your Tamagotchi went up to the age of 14... you're lying. Yes, Timmy, I'm looking at you! We are leaving those rumours in 2007. 

As an 11-year-old I was terrified that there was nothing worth living for beyond my next year. Our Tamagotchis would get to the age of 12 and go "You know what? I've had enough." Before a little RIP tombstone appears and then you're back to looking after an egg. 

I probably went through 145 children in a single year. The pressure of turning 12 was immense. When I now look back at photos of me as a teenager... it made me realise that my teenage Tamagotchi was, actually pretty spot on in the design department.  

Of course, not everything goes to sh*t after turning 12, but I am 100% that nothing has topped my Tamagotchi era (so far).

If you want more culture pieces by Emily Vernem, you can follow her on Instagram @emilyvernem.

Feature image: Getty.