How to talk to your teen about drugs - without being a hypocrite.

When you are trying to build trust with your teen, the last thing you want is your bestie outing you and your brief '90s bong smoking phase when you have told your kids something very different.

Not only does it look bad, but it's hard enough to get teens to listen at the best of times, let alone if they discover you are a hypocrite.

So rather than give a bare-faced lie when asked about any youthful drug use, what is the best thing to do? 

The expert hosts of the Help! I Have A Teenager podcast – Jo Lamble and Ginni Mansberg – have some good ideas, which they shared during this week's 'listener dilemma'.

"I'm not a fan of lying to your kids ever," says GP and author Dr Ginni Mansberg.

"If you don't feel comfortable answering a question, say that you don't feel comfortable answering that. My concern about lying is that you want your kids to 'bet the farm' that if mum said it, they can trust it. Because that trust is so important  – it is the fuel that keeps your family feeling safe and secure."

Listen to this week's episode of Help! I Have a Teenager. Post continues below. 

Both Jo and Ginni agree that there are much better ways to handle the situation. 

Starting with not getting caught up in a web of lies. Although clinical psychologist Jo says some bending of the truth is probably okay.

"Perhaps you don't need to give all the gory details," Jo laughs.

"It's not a lie, it's just not exact!

"It is also a good opportunity to point out some bad decisions you may have made and the consequences of your actions. Or it might not have been you, it might have been your friends you saw in some bad situations. 

"Just don't jump in with a lecture. You can say, 'I want to be honest with you (well, partially) and so I'm going to answer this,' and then tell them about the gnarly teenage times you went through and the things you wish that you or others in your life did differently."

Once the conversation has begun Jo says it's an idea to keep it going to find out more about their experience. 

"Find out how they are dealing with the exposure to drugs and alcohol. What is going on for them? If you are fairly honest with your teenager, hopefully, they will be honest with you. And without naming names they can still tell you what they are interested in or want to explore. So then you can have an open and ongoing conversation."

The way parents communicate with their teens has changed drastically in the last few years.

"When I was a kid, I was told that if I had one toke on a joint, I was pretty much a heroin addict and going to die," Ginni recalls.

"That kind of chat shuts down any conversation that I might have wished to have about experimentation when I was in Year 10. And there is a big difference between experimentation which many kids are drawn to, and having a real problem with drugs. You have to be really careful that the conversation you have around the dangers of drugs – hard drugs or even we know that marijuana can do certain things to the brain or cause mood disorders or psychosis – is not for someone who has one pull on a bong.

"You want to have that open conversation where if you say, 'I've tried it' that allows the communication to take a natural course that doesn't shut anything down."

And for parents who didn't try drugs in their youth? Jo says to keep the conversation flowing by being honest about why you didn't.

"You don't want to conversation to end at that point," Jo explains.

"You can still talk about the exposure you had as a teenager and why you made the decision that you did and compare that to what they're going through now. You are giving them the message that, 'This is great – I'm glad you asked me this question as it gives us an opportunity to chat and connect.'"

Watch: Things parents of teens just get. Post continues below. 

Finally, Ginni says to make them feel like talking to you was a good idea.

"Tell them, 'You're a smart kid, I'm really interested in your opinion'. We need to keep acknowledging them as the experts – because for most of us even if we tried drugs at age 15, that's a long time ago now – they are the experts! It is a good conversation and we can ask them, 'So, what is happening these days?', 'Who do you get it from?', 'How much does it cost?', 'Is it safe?' Then they feel safe that you are taking an interest in what's happening in their world while encouraging them to talk to you."

Jo says if you are worried about safety, you can always bring up your concerns at a later date.

"If the alarm bells ring, then tell them you want to come back to it – you have done your research and you want to discuss it further."

And the pair say that there is no evidence that talking about drug use and exposure creates an environment of drug use. 

In fact, Ginni says, it is quite the opposite.

"Good communication between parents and teens and also family dinners decrease the risk of having a hazardous relationship with drugs and alcohol."

Laura Jackel is Mamamia's Family Writer. For links to her articles and to see photos of her outfits and kids, follow her on Instagram and TikTok.

Feature Image: Getty.