By BERN MORLEY
I used to have this dream. It really didn’t seem unobtainable at the time but now, with a few more years of parenting experience, I know it was far too big a dream to ever be realised.
It was to have a nice relaxing family day out. I told you I dream big.
I didn’t really think that I was asking too much or aiming too high when I thought that we could just kick a ball around a park for a bit and follow it up with a nice, mid-priced lunch somewhere, just the five of us. Preferably in a restaurant where we could fob the kids off to a supervised play area and then sit quietly in the beautiful sunshine, having a few Sunday beverages and watch the world go by.
Yeah, so that was never going to happen.
It started when my son turned four and received 2nd hand football boots from some friends. For two solid weeks, those shoes only left his feet when it was time to sleep and even then, he was reluctant to part with them. He stood on my exposed fingers and toes with the studs no less than five times.
So many expletives. So, so many expletives.
So, with his sudden fascination with all things football, we figured we should take him and his boots down the local oval and use them for what they were intended, kicking a football.
At around 11am, we got ready to leave the house and head out. Oh wait, the receptacle of darkness, AKA the teenager daughter, was still in bed, asleep. Sleeping off a big night of doing f**k-all, apparently. I shot-gunned not to be the one to wake her and retreated to the car. She appeared at my window fifteen minutes later dressed for what I imagine you would wear to a Metallica concert. Our conversation went like this: