HOLLY WAINWRIGHT: 'These breasts have been sent to confuse us.'

This article originally appeared on Holly Wainwright's Substack, Holly Out Loud. Sign up here.

It's been a week now, of staring at Sydney Sweeney's boobs.

Yes, I know how that sounds.

It's a glorious time in pop culture, really, when you're listening to Lily Allen's West End Girl on repeat while trying to decode the politics of going braless in 2025.

Here's what the kerfuffle was about, ICYMI:

The boobs in question. Image: Getty.

Sydney Sweeney is an actress who's hoping that her latest movie Christy might get her an Oscar nomination. She's also a lightning rod in America's culture war.

And she's a living, breathing woman. With breasts.

Sweeney wore this unbelievably beautiful frock — sort of see-through liquid metal, certainly shark-proof — to celebrate female empowerment, obviously.

She was at the Variety Power Of Women event in Hollywood, you see. The guest list was impressive, Sweeney posed between Jamie Lee Curtis, Wanda Sykes, Jane Fonda and Kate Hudson on the red carpet. And despite all that star power, everyone is looking at Sydney Sweeney's chest. Because although that dress has a corset, it has no bra. Boobs sat where they sat.

Nipples were not covered. Wobbling was observed.

Jessie Stephens, my cohost on Mamamia Out Loud — a Millennial woman with breasts — considered this a rebellion of the highest order. Since school days, she says, she has been given the memo that non-tiny breasts are to be tamed. Strapped down. Restrained by copious Spandex.

She was certain in the instruction that backless, headlight-forward outfits were for A-cup girlies only. I need to see them MOVE, she cried, about the most-discussed breasts of the day. And so:

@entertainmenttonight

Sydney Sweeney makes a silver splash on the Variety Power of Women Red Carpet with Jamie Lee Curtis. 📸 #sydneysweeney #euphoria #jamieleecurtis #varietypowerofwomen

♬ original sound - Entertainment Tonight

And yes, I am also aware of how all that sounds. But we are only human, and great beauty befuddles us.

Apart from Jessie's confusion about free-ranging, responses to Sweeney's boobs were many, and varied.

News sites ran pictures of that dress with opaque circles over the nipples, lest our eyes be burned by the sight.

Watch: The Mamamia Out Loud team has a theory about Sydney Sweeney's boobs. Post continues below.

Others suggested that Sweeney is tearing a page of an old Hollywood playbook.

In Christy, she plays real-life, history-making boxer Christie Martin. To do it, she wears a brunette, permed-mullet wig, and is bulked up to smack people around. And the important thing, if you're going to de-glam yourself for a role, is that you then remind everyone, in not so subtle ways, that you are Piping Hot in the real world. It makes your acting look better, and improves the aforementioned Oscar campaign.

Ask Charlize Theron, because it worked for her in Monster. And Hilary Swank, because it worked for her in Million Dollar Baby.

And then, back over on Mamamia Out Loud, many (Amelia Lester and I) suggested Sweeney was messing with us.

Because the world has decided that Sweeney is MAGA. Her family wore the hats at her mum's birthday party. She reportedly registered Republican at the last election. And then there was that whole American Eagle jeans campaign, that was widely slammed as being Nazi-coded, but was enthusiastically embraced by President Trump as the "hottest ad ever".

Oh, and she hangs out with the Bezos crowd and dates Scooter Braun (who endorsed Harris but is Taylor Swift's sworn enemy). And even though Sweeney herself avoids saying anything about anything (asked about Trump's love of her ad this week, she replied, "I kind of just put my phone away… I love jeans, I wear them every day."), in ultra-polarised America, all of this is certainly enough for everyone to have decided Where She Stands.

But the MAGAs don't like boobs.

Actually, I'm sure some love them in all kinds of inappropriate ways, but public nudity is not very trad wife. Not very conservative values. Not very save-yourself for your husband's eyes only.

MAGA-sympathetic journo Megyn Kelly, who loved Sweeney in that jeans ad declared, "I object to this. I disapprove of the dress she wore because it's completely see-through. You can see her entire nipples."

Kelly's eyes clearly saw the un-blurred images.

"She reminded me of Kim Kardashian," she said. "You know, who overshares and then takes away like, the thing that is the sexiest, which is like, every guy's hoping to be the one who actually sees them for real, and leaving a little to the imagination."

Oh dear, pity the poor guy who thought he was going to be the ONLY person to ever get to see Sydney Sweeney's areolae. And now everyone has. And they're ruined.

Upsetting the Right when you need the Left to come and see your film too? Maybe Sweeney has figured out that to please everyone all the time, sometimes you have to take your bra off. It's feminist-coded and it's hot and it will guarantee you lots and lots of attention.

Like people in Australia writing Substack essays about it based on a podcast conversation.

Anyone feel like going to see a movie about boxing?

Listen to us talking about the new rules of going bra-less AND Prince Andrew's demise, on Monday's Out Loud, here:

Read more from Holly:

• HOLLY WAINWRIGHT: Nothing cures creative block like discovering your husband's secret sex lair.

• HOLLY WAINWRIGHT: Only Andrew, just Sarah and a teenage 'nobody' who rewrote royal history.

• HOLLY WAINWRIGHT: 'Embrace your final quarter "nup" energy.'

Feature image: Instagram/@sydney_sweeney.