The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 18: Can we be real about the intruders?

February 25, 2019

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Oh.

We see.

Now that Ines and Bronson and Elizabeth and Sam have decided to go… home… the producers have realised they a little bit don’t have a show anymore. Understandably, they panicked.

So, they’ve done what they teach you in Semester Two at Reality Television School: intruders. Attractive ones.

The first intruder is Susie and we can’t stop yelling “WHO THE F*CK IS SUSIE” at the TV which sums up our approach to anyone when we meet them for the first time.

You can listen to us yell many things on the most recent episode of our Married at First Sight recap podcast. Post continues…

She has a child whose name is Baby and… no comment.

Nah, we have lots of comments.

Surely it’s illegal to name your child Baby. Surely. You can’t just go around naming things exactly what they are because that DEFEATS THE PURPOSE OF GIVING A BABY A NAME.

susie mafs — Yes. We understand. But... nevermind.

Clare and Jessie Stephens

February 25, 2019

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The Spill

She is then pictured with two dogs, who we can only assume are named Dog and Other Dog.

Susie is matched with Billy who is a barista and a personal trainer and... there's not much else to say about Billy.

Couple number Too Many: Very Literal Susie and Bit Boring Billy

Pros

Fine

Cons

It's halfway through the competition
We don't know who you are
We're not sure we want it

NEXT we have Dan, and again, we don't know who you are.

He has a four-year-old son who we can only assume he didn't name Four Year Old Son, and we don't... why... but we think we might like Dan.

Pause.

This whole intruders thing is completely unnecessary.

Continue.

Good Bloke Dan is matched with Tamara who says she "believes in the process" which is a huge problem but okay.

Tamara starts talking about her life etc. and that's when we realise something.

These seem like... real matches and we're confused.

We think the experts have been feeling very guilty about all the people they've broken in such a short amount of time so want to redeem themselves.

Just for a moment.

Then we'll go back to Ning and Mark and everything will be back to normal.

Couple number No More Pls: Good Guy Dan and Why Do We Like You So Much Tamara

mafs dan — You are new here. But we'll allow it.

Pros:

Seem like good people

Cons:

Why are you here
Tamara's belief in the process
Why is your wedding on a boat

SHHH PLS it's time for Susie and Billy's wedding and we don't have time for your nerves we've already been through this literally 10 times.

Susie's dad, an aggressive Hungarian man, is shitty for no reason and same.

As Susie walks down the aisle, Billy is in shock because he was absolutely expecting to be trolled.

"I don't think I've seen a more beautiful woman in my life," he says. "I'm stoked I can't believe it."

But Billy is unable to calm himself. He gets far too nervous and starts talking about his allergy to flowers and how his favourite colour is turquoise which everyone knows is a stupid colour and sweetie we need to not scare away the pretty lady.

At the reception, Susie's dad decides it's time to intervene.

"YOU'RE NOT THE PERSON SHE WANTS SHE'LL EAT YOU ALIVE," he pleads to the gentle boy. "DON'T GET TOO SOFT," he adds, but Billy is already crying because the Hungarian man is yelling at him in his face and it's confronting.

Susie's dad feels bad about making the nice man cry, so tells him, "you're the right person" just stop being so desperate and weird etc.

Billy says "YES SIR" and sweetie this is what he's talking about.

That's when Susie decides to share that she has a child. Named Baby. And Billy just nods politely because now he's terrified. Of everyone. But mostly Susie.

Over at Dan and Tamara's wedding, a hyperactive producer f*cked with the engine of Tamara's limo which feels slightly petty but is also entirely expected.

The drama. — HAHA I wonder why the car won't start HAHAH

She's now running late, and honestly we don't have time for cars breaking down this far into the season.

On the way, Tamara says she really wants a marriage that's like "Bonnie and Clyde," but quickly adds, "like, I don't want him to be a robber or anything," and yes good thanks for clarifying.

When she arrives at her ceremony, which is being held on a boat (events on boats are a special kind of hell and that is a fact), she very much likes her fake husband Dan immediately.

THIS IS ALL VERY LOVELY BUT WE'RE ALREADY INVESTED IN THE RELATIONSHIPS OF 14 OTHER PEOPLE AND WE'RE NOT SURE WE HAVE TIME FOR ANY OF THIS.

And if any of you come between our shitty, mismatched couples, we swear to God.

UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.

You can follow Clare and Jessie Stephens on Facebook OR join our 'Married at First Sight Lols' Facebook group, where we spend the majority of our time.

Catch up on all our recaps, right here:

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 17: The biggest cheating scandal blew up and are we missing something?

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 16: Ines, you're about to get everything you deserve.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 15: The weird sex act that's divided the men and the women.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 14: An X-rated affair has everyone asking one question.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 13: The lie that's going to end in disaster.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 12: The sentence that broke Australia.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 11: The sex request that almost breaks Ex-Virgin Matt.