Helicopter kids hated being tracked by their parents. Now they're tracking their friends.

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The other day in the Mamamia office, I overheard a Gen Z colleague casually mention she has over 20 friends and family on Find My Friends — a location‑sharing app that lets you see where approved contacts are on a map in real time, using their phones' GPS — and she checks it constantly.

She laughed about the amount of time she spends scrolling through everyone's locations, keeping tabs on where they all are.

As someone in my forties, this concept is very foreign to me. I grew up in the nineties, a time before mobile phones, let alone location sharing, existed. By age ten, I was roaming the neighbourhood with friends, bouncing between houses.

My parents had no way of contacting me, no clue where I was, or if I was even alive. As a teenager, I could say I was at a friend's house when really I was somewhere else entirely.

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Now, as an adult, no one knows my location. And I don't think I want them to. Though at the risk of sounding hypocritical, I do track my teen and tween-aged children through the family location-sharing app Life360.

And I do feel torn about it. Because my parents didn't feel the need to see that I got to school or a friend's house safely, why do I? Because I really do.

Another colleague recently popped in while on maternity leave. Mid-conversation, she pulled out her phone to show me the baby monitor's live stream — her baby sleeping at home while her husband looked after her daughter.

"It's my favourite TV show," she joked. My youngest is ten, and this technology simply didn't exist when I had babies.

So what impact, if any, does this era of monitoring from birth — with location tracing, read receipts, and constant contactability — have on relationships and development?

When monitoring becomes mutual.

What's emerging isn't just parents tracking children. It's an entire generation that grew up monitored, now monitoring each other.

*Susan, 27, told Mamamia, that she sees a distinction between caring and controlling. "Being caring is definitely more focused if you know someone was out and you want to make sure they got home safe, or if my housemate is on a date I check often," she said.

But monitoring becomes "too much if you are questioning people... like why are you there." Though even Susan admits that once you can see where someone is, it's hard not to look.

*Emma, also 27, told Mamamia she has approximately 20 people on Find My Friends and has developed a nightly routine. "I regularly check that my friends are all tucked up and returned home at night before going to sleep," she explained.

"If I see them in a rogue location on maps, it's hard not to ask why."

She describes herself now as "definitely the mother/organiser of the group" and "a control freak."

But growing up as an only child, Emma says she "had all eyes on me." Her parents tracked her location — "I HATED THIS," she emphasised. Yet now?

"I'm addicted to Find My Friends and track them all the time."

*Lily, 23, shared a similar experience with Mamamia. She had a 10:30pm curfew, shared her location with her parents and "Hated it, especially when I wasn't where I was supposed to be, obviously."

Today, things have shifted. "I'm addicted to Find My Friends now and love to track my friends AND parents. Just to see where they're at if I'm calling them or asking to hang out."

She also confessed to responding to messages almost instantly — "just because I'm always on my phone."

The intergenerational pattern.

Jason Vella, psychologist at Mindplace, says enough time has passed since the inception of social media for psychologists to observe clear patterns. Some generations have grown up with Find My Family location visible at all times and a family Uber account.

The question Vella poses is whether this technology has given young people a safe way to enjoy a larger range to roam in the world, or whether it's resulted in an always-on expectation that immediate assistance is just an app away, potentially decreasing their independence and confidence to act on their own.

Research shows this broader shift toward high-investment, risk-averse parenting can be transmitted across generations.

Longitudinal studies reveal mild to moderate intergenerational continuity — roughly one-third to almost half of parenting behaviours, including high control, are carried from one generation to the next.

"Having grown up to young adulthood, no doubt it might feel pretty normal to maintain that live location tag, albeit in apps less monitored by mum and dad," Vella told Mamamia.

"Where previous generations might have prided themselves on remembering best mates' home phone numbers by heart, being invited to that always-on social media live location has become a rite of passage, a milestone in friendship or more intimate relationships."

Lily reflects on this directly. "I think I definitely will be similar as a parent. I'm a worrywart (probably from my upbringing) and feel like there's lots to worry about when it comes to kids in this day and age."

Though she wants to try to be "a little more lax when they're an older teenager," remembering "how much stress it brought to me as a kid that I couldn't do the same as my friends," she acknowledged the monitoring instinct is already there.

What are the trade-offs?

Vella points out that with constant visibility comes certain exposures. Beyond commercially motivated phone notifications and the pull to stay in touch to avoid FOMO (fear of missing out), there's the potential to hurt someone through suddenly disappearing from their view.

More significantly, Vella notes that "having completely normalised online visibility, that live location and constant availability, it is worth noting that the unreasonable demands of a partner or friend showing early signs of a tendency towards coercive control might creep in under the guise of normality."

Interestingly, 10% of Australian adults have participated in a digital detox or spent less time online to improve their mental health, with women more likely than men to take this step. This trend is particularly pronounced among 18 to 39-year-olds — the very generation that grew up tracked.

Vella recommends some self-reflection to establish boundaries regarding who gets to see what of your online presence.

"What displays of objective trustworthiness or other observable behaviours would you need to see before you are willing to share more of your virtual existence?" he asked. "How responsive is a partner to respecting those boundaries?"

Vella is careful to note that "no scientific or psychological observation can serve as a golden rule for every person." The potential impacts of living a highly connected online social life "inevitably interact with the current circumstance and personality of the individual," he explained.

What happens when privacy becomes optional?

Emma, who has 20 people on her tracking app, grew up resenting parental surveillance. Now she's the one checking everyone's location before she can sleep.

Lily, who hated her 10:30pm curfew, is already contemplating implementing similar boundaries for her future children, even as she hopes to be different.

For this generation, being unreachable isn't really an option. A walk without anyone knowing where you are, a message that sits unanswered, running late without immediate explanation — these ordinary moments of privacy are increasingly rare.

The technology makes it possible. The patterns learned from cautious parents make it feel necessary.

Is it possible to "switch off"?

Vella suggests checking in with your mood or looking at values and achievements that are important to you, and whether they're being advanced or limited by the role social connectivity plays in your life.

"In any moment of angst about whether or how to engage in your online life, go out and touch grass, adopt a breathing exercise, and try and watch the cargo train of thoughts and feelings that plough their way through your mind for a while before you jump on board with any of them," he said.

He encourages asking: "What's the story your reaction is telling about you and your online life and friends? Is it accurate? Even if it is, is it helpful?"

"Is that brainy cargo train travelling from 'Your Values Station', to the next stop 'Your Lifetime Achievements Town'?"

"If not, maybe wiggle your toes in that grass a little longer until that particular line of thinking trundles down the track."

You can reach out to Jason Vella, a Psychologist at Mindplace here.

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.

Feature Image: Canva.