Em Rusciano: "I hate play dates. Tell me I'm not the only one".

By EM RUSCIANO.

I have a confession to make, yes another one.

I am not a fan of “play dates” after school. Aside from that, I am even less of a fan of the term “play date” because it gives me the heebie geebies. Like it is some kind of weird pretend interaction between small people, you’re not on a date either.

Calm down ok? You’re hanging out, eating dirt and causing mischief. Don’t call it a date, piss the “play” part off as well!

Remember when you could just turn up to a mate’s house, bash on the door and then head out on an adventure. Now we have to book it in! I would much rather a kid turn up to my house unannounced and ask to play with my kids than have to make an appointment. I feel so trapped, so scheduled.

I don’t really want other people’s kids here after school. I love other peoples kids, I do – just not at my house during the week. If you are reading this and your kid is friends with my kid it’s okay, I will still do it and I don’t mind that much, I’m just having a vent.

Mid-week my house isn’t tidy, it resembles a laundry stuck in the middle of a war zone. 5-7pm is the witching hour, you know it and I know it. Having someone else’s child here makes it hard to keep things moving along. I have to feed them, make sure they are having a good time and and prepare for the inevitable shit fight of dinner/shower/teeth/story/bed. I just can’t be arsed doing that with another kid around to be honest.

6-year-old Odette totally has me covered though. She always waits for me after school with the prospective play date mate; they both smile at me with all their creepy little teeth showing.

How Em sees their faces when play dates are mentioned.

She knows I can’t say no in front of another small person’s face, I am a pleaser! I want kids to like me, I want everyone to like me!

Scheming little minx gets me every time. They’ve just spent the whole day together. Let’s not plan a play date (*eye twitches) lets talk about your co-dependant friendship you needy little jerks!

Does this make me the mayor of wowser town, are you reading this and thinking “Em, get over it. It is just another kid no big deal” or do you like me secretly hate after school play dates? (*vomits in mouth)

Do you want to scream: “NO FECK DIRECTLY OFF! I WANT TO GO HOME AND BE IN MY UNTIDY HOUSE WITH THE UNDIES ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR AND WEETBIX FOR DINNER WITHOUT JUDGEMENT!”

Come the weekend  I am all over this shit, party central y’all! Woohoo, tell all your pals to come to Em’s for a swim some dance action on the wii and all the carbs you can handle! Lets snort whizz fizz and shave the cat!

Proof of Em’s fun-ness:

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Odette challenged me to a 15 second dance battle. BIG MISTAKE BABEZ.

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I am a good time girl come Saturday afternoon. That’s all for today, ironically Odette has a mate coming over after school.

*Sigh

This post originally appeared here on Em’s blog and is republished with full permission.