"But Mum, you always give in." Maybe I'm not strict enough.

My daughter just made me take a good hard look at myself.

I was having a discussion with my daughter the other day. I can’t remember what it was about. Maybe she wanted to wear her pyjamas under her clothes all day. Maybe she wanted to get out bottles of food colouring and start an art project not long before bedtime. Maybe she wanted to bring 17 tiny dinosaurs with her when we were taking the dogs for a walk to the park.

All I remember is that she said, “Please Mum, I really want to,” and I told her, “No.” She replied, sounding surprised, “But Mum, you always give in.”

I was floored. I always give in? Am I too soft? A pushover? The kind of parent that nannies write disapproving articles about? Have I got this parenting thing all wrong… again?

I had to sit back and think about it. First of all, my daughter was exaggerating. I am strict about some things. Junk food is an occasional treat. Screen time is restricted. I won’t allow my kids to be rude to people or rough with each other. But beyond that, yes, I’m pretty flexible.

I let my kids wear whatever they want to wear. I let them choose what we do on weekends. I let them jump in muddy puddles. I let them play ball games in the house.

Basically, if it’s not dangerous or bad for them, I’ll usually let them do it.

When I say no, it doesn't always mean no. I know I've just broken one of the rules of parenting by saying that, but it's true. I can be talked around, if it's something that doesn't matter to me and really matters to my kids.

But I have my own rules. I never give in to tantrums, or whining, or demanding. If my kids really want something, they have to ask me calmly and politely, and explain why it's so important to them. Then I'll think about it.

Do my kids sometimes get their way? Sure. If they go about it the right way. I don't think that's such a bad thing.

I don't see myself as the boss of my kids. I see our family as four people, living together, who all deserve an equal say. I only get tough when I have to.

Here's a video of a three-year-old kid who mounted a logical argument about cupcakes and eventually got his way. Post continues after the video...

This is the way I look at it. Kids do have to learn that there are rules. But what's even more important is learning that their opinions matter, and learning how to express those opinions in the right way. Being articulate and persuasive and creative and persistent will get them a long way in life.

Some people rate obedience as a more important quality. Well, it depends what you want your kids to grow up doing. It depends whether you want them to work in a bank or to invent Google.

To be honest, I wouldn't want my kids to just blindly do whatever adults told them to do. The thought of that is a bit scary.

Anyway, whatever I was having that discussion with my daughter about, I didn't give in. That time. But no doubt I will give in to her other times in the future.

I don't always give in. But yes, I do sometimes give in.

Am I too soft? I don't think so.

How tough are you as a parent?

Want more? Try:

The discipline tactic almost every parent uses causes harm to children.

"I have a confession to make: I'm the worst dad in the world."