Enter: The spornosexual.

Hear ye! Hear ye! The age of the metrosexual has ended. Its been decreed the land over by the pink-polo-shirt-wearing king himself.

Well, look, it’s been decreed by… one guy; London’s Daily Telegraph columnist Mark Simpson.

But, Simpson is the bloke who coined the term ‘metrosexual’ 20 years ago. So, perhaps we should be paying attention.

Simpson has written an article in which he says that the metrosexual man has metamorphosed into a different beast: the spornosexual.

A pornographic fusion of sportiness and metrosexuality, the spornosexual is a fit, bulky and ridiculously good looking man. Think David Beckham, the Burgess brothers, or any of the spray tanned blokes on The Only Way is Essex, or Geordie Shore (c’mon, don’t pretend you haven’t watched them).

Simpson describes the new modern man:

With their painstakingly pumped and chiselled bodies, muscle-enhancing tattoos, piercings, adorable beards and plunging necklines it’s eye-catchingly clear that second-generation metrosexuality is less about clothes than it was for the first.

Eagerly self-objectifying, second generation metrosexuality is totally tarty. Their own bodies (more than clobber and product) have become the ultimate accessories, fashioning them at the gym into a hot commodity – one that they share and compare in an online marketplace.

This new wave puts the “sexual” into metrosexuality. In fact, a new term is needed to describe them, these pumped-up offspring of those Ronaldo and Beckham lunch-box ads, where sport got into bed with porn while Mr Armani took pictures.

Here are some prominent spornosexuals we have scientifically classified. With science. And definitely not any sort of late afternoon office-wide ogling:

So, the spornosexual? Think they’re actually a trend? Know any?