'As a new mum, I followed all the parenting pages. Then it started getting toxic.'

There’s a fine line between positive and toxic interaction when it comes to social media, and it can be easy to forget that not everyone we come across online knows what they’re talking about.

When I had my twins in 2019, I found myself following parenting pages on Instagram and Facebook and I was learning some really valuable information about raising my babies. 

Gentle parenting was becoming more popular, meal and snack ideas were being posted by mothers the world over, and sensory play was blowing up. As time went on, more and more accounts popped up and I clicked the follow button on most of them.

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But recently, it all began to feel overwhelming.

It felt like any time I yelled at my kids I was creating a problem they’d suffer from as an adult. I was being told I had childhood trauma that I was passing on to them. 

I also discovered the many different types of Mums. You have crunchy, gentle, helicopter, working, stay-at-home, Montessori - the list goes on. 

I was riddled with guilt every time I put the TV on or fed my fussy toddlers chicken nuggets for dinner because I didn’t want to be awake in the middle of the night with hungry tummies.

I basically felt like a bad mum, and was over-analysing every move I made. Talk about taking the fun out of it.

I had to remind myself constantly that I’m a good mum who is doing her best. That I more often than not use guidance, rather than a raised voice, to stop my kids in an act of wrong-doing - but a raised voice is actually ok when necessary, and telling my kids off sometimes is a normal part of parenting. 

I show my children that we all experience a wide range of emotions and that expressing them is ok - just not at the expense of somebody’s feelings or safety. I apologise to my children when I need to and I’m open about how I’m feeling and why. 

So why was I allowing myself to feel like a horrible parent? Social media - that’s why.

I’d developed a deep depression because of the over-exposure to information, and I needed to detox and learn to let go.

I ended up deleting all social media off my phone for one week. I didn’t know how long I wanted to do it for, but by the time I opened the apps again, I was able to swipe past posts I didn’t need at that moment. It was so freeing.

We all know that there can be too much of a good thing, and social media is the very thing that caused me to second guess my worthiness as a parent. 

While I’ve learned hugely valuable information, and absolutely appreciate the time these content creators take to post child play ideas and the psychology behind children’s development, I just don’t need to watch every bento lunchbox being assembled and feel horrible that my kids no longer like veggies, or feel anxious that I put a midday movie on so I can clean up or cook dinner. 

Don’t even get me started on the stress of following an "aesthetic".

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Now I don’t need to focus so hard on what I’m doing to raise my children that I forget to just enjoy them. And there’s so much to enjoy! 

Sometimes the best thing you can do is just sit and play with them when you can. I notice they play much longer and happier if I’m able to be there with them. I don’t need to set up a daily sensory activity to be a good mum. I don’t need to follow Montessori or be ‘Crunchy’ or whatever the latest parenting craze is. I can take what I need from social media and leave the rest. 

Raising children is like a rollercoaster. Some weeks you’re the baking mum, some weeks you’re the nuggets mum. Some weeks you’re the activity mum, the next you might be the TV mum. 

I intend to use social media for inspiration only from now on, rather than treating it like some sort of gospel. It’s such an easy trap to fall in to, especially as a first-time parent.

As they say though, 'Comparison is the thief of joy.'

Feature Image: Supplied/Mamamia.

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