The dreaded "relationship status" button on Facebook.

Social media is an efficient way to update your growing circle of “friends” on what’s going on in your life, however; you’re not always sharing information that’s yours alone.

How should we manage our social media accounts during a separation? Not just the information we share but what we let ourselves look at during this time?

Let’s start with the dreaded relationship status. Oh god, how very public. I have never in my life added a relationship status to my Facebook account. It’s a public declaration that I find unnecessary and somewhat crude. It is, however, common practice these days, and if you put it up when the relationship starts, you will need to take it down when the relationship ends. It seems like such a tacky way of telling people you have ended a relationship. But the thing that I really struggle with is that you don’t need the other person’s permission to post that information on your page.

It can be torture seeing the constant updates of your ex partner's life. Things that would otherwise be mundane (even boring) can be interpreted as insensitive public statements about your absence. And even if you do remove each other from your accounts, you probably travel in the same circles and will be smacked in the face with an image you were trying to avoid anyway. It’s hard to convey tone when posting an image and harmless updates can therefore be received with much grief, and sadly, humiliation. A reasonable view is that we’re all adults and we don’t have to look. It’s tempting though, right?

I recently deleted my entire ex partner’s family off of my Facebook account because I was torturing myself daily with images of a happy family that I was no longer part of. No one was doing anything wrong by posting their outings on social media and to tell you the truth, I usually wouldn’t even look at the updates. I don’t use my social media accounts for anything other than work, but in the saddest moments of my separation, I would obsess about what I was no longer part of.

It was easy for me to misinterpret a happy post from an extended family member as a declaration that everyone was happy without me. It's madness, I know, and let me tell you, nothing will send you crazy quicker than the trawling through images of your ex partner and over-analysing the meaning of every post. And what about how I may have made them feel by deleting them? It was an act of self-preservation removing them from my friends list. I can however see how it might have been interpreted as me lashing out at people who hadn’t done anything to intentionally hurt me and probably don’t even know we’ve separated.

Clinical and counselling psychologist, Elisabeth Shaw says, “While we talk about social media being a connection to others, quite often it becomes self-serving. People feel like they are creating scrap books in their lounge room, they get lost in their own world.” Equally it can be isolating sitting at home alone trawling images of other people’s lives.

Before you have a “Bridget Jones’s Diary” moment, crack open a bottle of wine and start inappropriately commenting on every post your ex has ever published, take a breath. Elisabeth suggests that taking some time out from social media during this time can be helpful. “When you’re newly separated, looking at social media can be a way to torture yourself” she explains. This doesn’t have to spell the end of your love affair with all things tweets, updates and posts though, as Elisabeth also suggests, “Social media can also be a good way to check how far you’ve come. Check your reactions.”

It seems self control is key, don’t torture yourself and don’t assume the worst. Sadly even though your world seems to have stopped, everyone else’s keeps turning and no one, it would seem, can survive without updating us all on everything they are up to. Take a sabbatical from your favourite social media sites and check back in when you’re less fragile.

How did you handle social media when you went through a breakup? Or what would be your advice for others?