'I thought I was a good friend. Then I learnt about my social biome.'

I have a confession: I'm a fraud.

I've always considered myself a pretty social person. I like people. I have friends. I talk to strangers (when I'm in the mood). So when I took The New York Times' "social biome" quiz which promised to categorise my social life like a living, breathing ecosystem, I wasn't expecting any shocking revelations.

And yet, I was labelled something that completely threw me.

According to the quiz, I was… "A bit of a lone wolf, and maybe you like it that way." I promise you I do not like it that way.

There's nothing wrong with lone wolves — some of my favourite people are lone wolves — but I definitely wouldn't have considered myself one (like, at all).

However, when I kept reading about the "lone wolf" tendencies, a few points hit a bit too close to home for me.

The more I sat with it, and reread my answers, the more it started to make sense.

Watch: 8 signs of a toxic friendship. Post continues below.

I might be "on" in group settings, but I rarely reach out to meet new people. I often avoid spontaneous catch-ups because I feel too tired or overstimulated. And when it comes to deeper, more meaningful conversations with the people already in my life… I've probably been coasting (not probably — definitely).

I've noticed that this is something I've been doing more and more, the older I get, but because this behaviour had rolled out so slowly, I hadn't realised how little effort I'd been putting into nourishing those friendships beyond the occasional "miss you! Let's hang soon xx" that never materialises.

The concept of a "social biome" explores something we rarely think about consciously: the ecosystem of our relationships. Just like an environmental biome contains different species that rely on each other, our social lives consist of various relationships serving different purposes.

Some people have strong community connections, others love introducing people across different circles and there are those who thrive on constantly meeting new people.

Then there's me. "A bit of a lone wolf," as the quiz bluntly put it. The assessment wasn't wrong. I do value my independence and often choose solitude over socialising. But the quiz also delivered a gentle reminder: "our social ties, both weak and strong, contribute mightily to our overall health."

The results offered specific suggestions that felt personally tailored yet surprisingly obvious once spelt out. I need to "find opportunities for diverse social interactions", not just to expand my circle but to help me think beyond my own perspective and foster empathy.

I should continue making time for "restorative solitude" (something I clearly excel at), but be mindful of how I spend that time, avoiding the endless scroll of my phone in favour of actually relaxing activities.

What struck me most was the recommendation to "seek out the chance to have one meaningful talk a day." Not dozens of superficial exchanges, but just one conversation that matters.

The final suggestion hit home: "Try choosing sociability when opportunities present themselves." It wasn't asking me to transform into an extrovert overnight, but simply to say "yes" a bit more often when invitations arise.

This revelation made me reflect on the different seasons of friendship we experience throughout life. Our social landscapes shift and reshape as we move through major life changes. Perhaps my "lone wolf" tendencies reflect where I am right now, and aren't necessarily a permanent state of being.

As I've grown older, I've noticed how friendships take on new meaning and depth. They require different care than they did in my early 20s but often bring richer rewards. The concept of a "social biome" is really about understanding that everyone thinks they're a good friend, but we might be measuring friendship all wrong.

I thought I was a good friend. And I probably am. But like any biome, my social world needs tending.

What about you? Have you ever stopped to consider the nature of your social ecosystem? Tell us in the comments below.

If you want more from Emily Vernem, you can follow her on Instagram @emilyvernem.

Feature image: Supplied.