'When I got sober at 53, I didn't expect it to give my sex life a serious upgrade.'

Bonk without the booze. It's a thing. And it's good. Really good.

Two years ago, at the age of 53, I faced the sobering reality of a grey-area drinking problem. Like many women, my nightly glass of wine had gone from being a treat to a crutch. When I finally got "sober curious," it wasn't just my skin, sleep, and bank account (plus so much more) that thanked me, my sex life got a serious upgrade!

Yes, sober sex is a thing, and let me tell you, the sobergasm is worth it.

In those early weeks of quitting alcohol, sex was the last thing on my mind. I was laser-focused on one thing: stopping the drinks. Everything else, including intimacy, took a back seat. Truth be told, when I was drinking, I didn't even want sex with my partner. I was too busy numbing out my nightly bottle (or more) of wine before crashing out.

Watch: The dilemma of sex after having kids. Post continues after video.

But sobriety surprised me. Without alcohol dulling my senses, sex became fresh and, dare I say, better. For the first time in years, I felt fully present in the experience. Sobriety didn't just deepen my connection with my partner, it also opened a door to reconnect with myself.

Without the haze of alcohol, I could fully tune into my body. And let's be real: when you're drinking, that body-brain disconnect is real. You just don't feel things, mentally or physically. I drank to tune out stress and life's chaos, but I didn't realise how much I was also numbing the physical sensations. That disconnect is why accidents happen, why you wake up with a mysterious bruise and no memory of how it got there. I've had my share of those "hangxiety" mornings, full of self-beration and regret.

According to a UK Lovehoney survey, only 20 per cent of people "always enjoy" sex while intoxicated, and fewer than 11 per cent of women always orgasm when drinking. It makes sense: alcohol isn't a friend to your body's sensitivity, especially when it comes to your sexual organs.

Sober sex, on the other hand, lets you feel everything — emotionally and physically. You connect, not just with your partner, but with yourself. For me, it wasn't just about the physical sensations (though they are so worth it). It was about reclaiming my sexual identity as a sober woman. Sobriety gives you a new self-identity, one rooted in knowing and loving yourself — and that confidence carries you into the bedroom.

Sobriety helped me rebuild confidence in my body and myself. I started to appreciate my partner in ways I hadn't before, seeing them through fresh eyes.

And here's a fun fact: a woman's biggest sex organ is her brain. When your brain isn't clouded by alcohol, you can connect more deeply, to your thoughts, desires, and partner. That mind-body connection? It's the gateway to those toe-curling, earth-shaking sobergasms you may have heard about.

One of the unexpected benefits of sober sex is the emotional intimacy it fosters. Alcohol often acts as a buffer, muting not only sensations but also emotions. Without it, you're forced to confront your vulnerabilities and let your guard down, an essential step for true connection.

Sober sex can also help you break free from shame, whether it's body-shame, performance anxiety, or regrets tied to alcohol-fuelled decisions. For years, I used alcohol to mask insecurities, but it often backfired. Now, without alcohol in the equation, I've been able to embrace my imperfections and enjoy the freedom that comes with self-acceptance. Feeling good in your skin isn't just empowering, it's sexy.

Tips for exploring sober sex.

If you're curious about sober sex, here are a few tips to ease into it:

Be patient with yourself.

Transitioning to sober intimacy might feel awkward at first, especially if you've relied on alcohol to loosen up. Give yourself grace as you adjust.

Focus on self-care.

Sobriety often comes with a renewed sense of self-worth. Use this time to nurture your body and mind — whether it's through exercise, mindfulness, or exploring new ways to connect with your partner.

Communicate openly.

Talk to your partner about your feelings and expectations. Building emotional intimacy can make the physical connection even more rewarding.

For any woman wondering if life without alcohol is worth it, I'll say this: it's not just worth it — it's transformative. My sober journey has been full of unexpected gifts, and the biggest one has been rediscovering my true self, in life, in love, and, yes, in bed.

So here's to sober sex. To full sensation, zero regrets, and the kind of intimacy you didn't know was possible. Cheers to that, no bubbly required.

Belinda Stark is an Alcohol and Midlife Empowerment Coach and you can follow her @belindastark_.

Read more from Belinda Stark:

• 'What I learned from crashing my son's Schoolies in Bali.'

• 'At 53, I thought I was hiding my excessive drinking. Then a comment from my son shocked me.'

Feature image: Supplied.