Bringing back the 'small favour economy' will change your friendships.

Have you ever actually popped around to your neighbour's house to ask for a cup of sugar?

What about asking a friend to take you to the airport for your 6am flight?

I'm not talking about asking your mum or partner. I mean, just a mate. And I'm guessing the answer is probably not.

The exchange of favours, no matter how inconvenient, was once a feature of community life. But in 2025, most of us have become too awkward for what's called the 'small favour economy'.

Whether it's because we're much more transactional now (hello Uber Eats) or we don't want to burden people, we've lost the art of asking for a favour.

But here's the thing. I still very much live and breathe by the small favour economy. I lack the awkwardness modern social graces expect of us.

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I gladly show up at people's doorsteps with food. I am Croatian, it's how I show love.

I came back from an overseas flight recently, and I asked a girlfriend to pick me up. Not because I was unable to catch an Uber. I just knew I would need a friend on the other side. And she happily was that friend.

What we've lost in our quest for independence.

Villages traditionally functioned as the core social unit, small enough for most people to know each other, yet large enough to support diverse skills and shared resources. In these communities, the small favour economy wasn't just nice to have, it was essential for survival.

Research by anthropologists shows us that humans developed what's called "generalised reciprocity". A system where people give without keeping strict accounts, trusting that the favour will be returned when needed.

Humans are one of the only creatures that literally can't survive without other humans. We were designed to live in tribes. Yet somewhere along the way, we've convinced ourselves that needing others is a weakness rather than a fundamental part of being human.

Think about how the small favour economy used to work in practice. Parents would naturally take turns watching each other's children without formal arrangements.

Neighbours would borrow and lend tools, share garden produce, and help with home maintenance. Moving house meant calling on friends, not just professional movers.

Communities would organise meal trains for new parents, the bereaved, or the unwell. These weren't extraordinary acts of kindness, they were simply how communities functioned.

The unintended consequences of modern politeness.

Our current social norms have created "the politeness trap." We've become so concerned with not imposing on others that we've actually made it harder to form meaningful connections. When we refuse to ask for help or offer it spontaneously, we're inadvertently signalling that we don't trust others to set their own boundaries.

But here's the thing: people generally want to help. We're so focused on not being a burden that we forget that helping others actually makes people feel good about themselves.

We see it in neighbourhood Facebook groups organising tool libraries, WhatsApp groups for school parents coordinating pickups, and community gardens where labour and produce are shared.

In workplaces, it shows up as colleagues covering shifts for each other, informal mentoring relationships, and collaborative problem-solving.

Amongst families and friends, it manifests as babysitting exchanges, pet-sitting arrangements, and emotional support during difficult times.

These modern adaptations prove that the fundamental human need for reciprocal support hasn't disappeared, it's just evolved to fit our current social structures.

How to rebuild the small favour economy in your life.

The key to rebuilding the small favour economy in your own life is to start small and be intentional. Most importantly, challenge the awkwardness that modern social norms have created around asking for and offering help.

Focus on building relationships rather than keeping score, and remember that interdependence is a strength, not a weakness.

The small favour economy creates a virtuous cycle. When we help others, we feel more connected to our community. When we receive help, we feel supported and valued.

When we see others engaging in reciprocal care, we're inspired to do the same. Over time, these individual acts of kindness weave together to create stronger, more resilient communities.

The small favour economy isn't about returning to some idealised past; it's about recognising that our fundamental need for community and mutual support hasn't changed, even if our social structures have. It's how we rebuild the social fabric that makes life not just survivable, but meaningful.

The next time someone offers to help, say yes. The next time you see an opportunity to help someone else, take it. Your friendships and your community will be stronger for it.

Feature Image: Made with AI/Google Labs