'My sister asked me to be her maid of honour. Then, without any warning, she fired me.'

My older sister is getting married this October, and somehow, I've been fired from the role I thought was mine by default: Maid of Honour.

One minute, I'm mentally preparing my teary acceptance speech, and the next, I'm just… a bridesmaid.

Before she even got engaged, she'd been talking about marrying her partner for a while — like, a long while. Every time she'd bring it up, she'd say something along the lines of: "Tahli, you're going to have a lot of duties as my maid of honour."

I'd usually respond by rolling my eyes — not because I didn't want to help, but because, in true older-sister fashion, she's type A, hyper-organised, probably has spreadsheets titled "Bridal Tasks" and "Hen's Night Budget," while I am the classic middle child.

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Still, when the engagement finally happened, I was low-key waiting for The Question. You know, the "Will you be my maid of honour?" moment. I was mentally preparing my dramatic gasp and teary-eyed acceptance speech — "I didn't see this coming, I'm so honoured" — even though I obviously saw it coming.

Fast-forward a few months after the proposal — I'm chatting with my mum about wedding stuff, just casual conversation. Then she says something like, "…and Phoebe's the maid of honour…" I froze. Wait — what? Had I just been demoted? And no one even told me?

At first, I felt relieved (less pressure, fewer spreadsheets), but then the self-doubt crept in. I spoke to my sister, and she said something about how Phoebe doesn't have any sisters, so she might not get to be maid of honour again. I'm thinking, 'Ummm… I am your sister'.

Then she added something about how Phoebe lives closer, so she could help out with more wedding errands. I nodded along and tried to be mature.

I said all the right things. "Of course, that makes total sense," and "I'm just excited to be part of the wedding," etc. I had to act mature in front of her — it wasn't about me — but internally, I was questioning a lot.

Then came the picnic. I was catching up with two friends from high school — they both had recently been maid of honour for their sisters.

At some point, they brought up my sister's engagement. "So, have you started planning the bachelorette yet? You must be flat out already!" I paused. Took a sip of my mimosa. "Actually… I'm not the maid of honour," I said. "She picked one of her friends. I'm just bridesmaid number one. Honestly, kind of a win — you know I'm hopeless at organising anything." I laughed it off, obviously.

Talking to my friends made me question the relationship my sister and I had.

Were we not close enough?

Did she not trust me to help her plan a wedding?

Does she think I'm irresponsible?

Do we even have things in common?

Was the only reason I was maid of honour before just because that's the traditional role for a sister?

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So, I did what any woman with a journalism degree would do: I did my research.

What exactly is a maid of honour? What makes her more important than the bridesmaids? Here's what I found:

"A Maid of Honour is the chief bridesmaid, typically the bride's closest confidante and friend. She supports the bride throughout the planning process and on the wedding day. She often takes on more responsibility, like planning pre-wedding events and assisting during the ceremony."

Next search: How many pre-wedding events are there?

"Engagement parties, bridal showers, bachelorette parties, bachelor parties, wedding brunches, and rehearsal dinners."

That's a lot of events — and they all fall on the maid of honour? Does the bride expect us to have lives outside of this?

As I was wondering how anyone manages all of this, I found myself at a party my sister threw for her fiancé. It wasn't a wedding event — it was his birthday — so I didn't think I was "on the clock."

But, the actual maid of honour, was working the room like a pro. She was floating around with charcuterie boards, chatting with family, even managing to find a lighter for the candles.

Nothing fazed her. No lighter for the candles? She found one. The kids started kicking each other? She distracted them with a game.

I had to admit: some people are just natural-born organisers.

Even though I find the idea of marriage a bit… silly (don't come for me, it's just my opinion), if I ever got married, I might've once made my sister my maid of honour. But, out of pettiness now, I'm not too sure. 

What have I learned about my relationship with my sister? That we truly understand each other. She picked Phoebe as maid of honour because she knows I can't stand planning formal events — and she was right.

I've realised I don't need a title to support her. Just being there, bringing the good vibes, and showing up as myself is enough. Honestly, I've made peace with it.

Bridesmaid #1? Perfect. Maid of honour? Not for me.

Chief Vibes Curator? That's my role.

Feature Image: Supplied.