'This Christmas, I'll wake up alone as a single mum. Here's what nobody tells you.'

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I'm about to spend my fourth Christmas Day as a single mum, and I can tell you this: that first solo Christmas morning will terrify you more in anticipation than in reality.

Once you become a two-home family, Christmas is never the same. There's a bit of magic that gets lost — like when the kids stop believing in Father Christmas. 

No more setting out cookies, no theatrical bites taken from carrots left for the reindeer.

There are quiet parts of the day now. Times when you're alone.

(Though if you ask my married friends with kids whether they'd secretly love a moment of Christmas Day solitude, most would admit they would lap it up.)

But truthfully, I would prefer less solitude. We always want what we can't have. It's the way it goes.

Watch: Hailey Bieber's motherhood experience. Post continues below.

That first year, I was fairly frazzled; it was still fresh. I was fortunate — it was a "Western Australia year"; I get to be home for Christmas with my parents and extended family every second year. So I had family around me all day.

But I still remember crying in the car after dropping the kids off after Christmas lunch. 

It felt viscerally wrong not to tuck them into bed after a day of too much roast dinner and gift-induced giddiness, after watching that final Christmas movie together.

I ended up at a family friend's party, staying until the early hours, and actually had a ball. Shared custody can feel like living a double life. But you do what you have to do to survive.

The following Christmas was different. That was the first time I woke up alone on Christmas morning — not a "home for Christmas" year. I spent weeks dreading it.

The dread was worse than the day itself.

Now, heading into my fourth solo Christmas, I wanted to share what I've learnt for anyone facing their first. Here's what actually helps:

1. That sleep-in might be the silver lining you didn't know you needed.

On that first kid-free Christmas Eve, I organised dinner and a movie night with another single girlfriend.

It felt almost rebellious to be selfish — to not think about bedtimes or setting up for gifts the next morning. We wore ridiculous Christmas outfits, laughed too loud, ate what we wanted, and watched Love Actually.

The next morning, I woke up alone. No little bodies jumping on my bed at 5:47am. No wrapping paper chaos.

And I was... surprisingly okay. It felt… peaceful.

I slept in for the first time in 11 years on Christmas morning. Then I went for a walk and listened to music that wasn't Christmas carols. I prepped lunch in complete peace.

I saw the kids later that day, and we had a lovely time with friends. Honestly? The hardest part wasn't missing the kids — it was not seeing my extended family. That still gets me every alternate year.

I'm lucky to have built an incredible urban family around me here. But on Christmas Day, when I can't see my parents and family, there's a particular ache that never gets duller. A heaviness I haven't found a way to lift.

2. Be shameless about inviting yourself places. 

This year, I don't have family in town on Christmas Day. So here's what I did:

First, I contacted my other single mum friends to coordinate our kid-free times — a "no mum left behind" operation.

Then I organised Christmas Eve dinner and movies with another single girlfriend.

For Christmas lunch, I sent a message to my girlfriends' WhatsApp group: "I have the kids, and another single mum friend is also at loose ends. Who wants us to crash their Christmas lunch #ChristmasCrashers ?"

Five people immediately offered. Because it's Christmas, and people want to help — they just don't always know how.

So we have a plan! One of my single mum friends doesn't have her kids after mid-morning, so she, the kids, and I are heading out to a restaurant for lunch where we're meeting three big tables of friends and their families. They have live music, fancy seafood, and no prep and no clean-up for us.

Then, we've been invited to an after-party at a friend's house with a pool. There will be other kids there, and the urban family Christmas spirit will be strong. I'm really pumped, and so are the kids!

3. It's not as scary as your brain is telling you it will be. 

Here's the truth: it's just another day. Try not to place all the meaning on December 25th itself. Focus on the time you get with your kids around it — the whole season, not just one day.

The anticipation is the hardest part. The actual day? You'll get through it. Maybe even find unexpected moments of peace.

The professional advice:

Therapist and fellow single mum Jacqui Manning told Mamamia that preparation is key.

"Make some plans and be clear about them ahead of time," she advised. "Humans don't do well with uncertainty, so if you know what you're doing, that will help."

She also encourages single parents not to isolate themselves during the festive season.

"Reach out to others — you might assume you can't ask of others "because it's Christmas", but the truth is your loved ones will most likely want to help out if they can, by having you over, going for a walk with you, or even having a chat on the phone."

When it comes to managing your own emotions while parenting through the holidays, Manning suggests maintaining perspective. "Keep a buoyant attitude in front of your kids — vent to your friends and your therapist, but keep it light for them," she said.

"If you have a decent co-parenting relationship/friendship with your ex, perhaps you can open some presents together before splitting off for lunches or dinners if the logistics work."

Above all, Manning emphasises self-compassion.

"Remind yourself 'this too shall pass' and find ways to give yourself kindness during the day, and notice the silver linings and sparkles," she said.

"Go for a swim, eat your favourite foods, read a book or watch your favourite series, rest and relax as best as you can, and remember that you are loved even if Christmas looks different this year."

You got this.

So, if you're reading this and have single parents in your life: Reach out. Ask when they don't have their kids. Invite them over — don't wait for them to ask.

Not everyone is as insufferably openly needy as I am. Leave no mum alone this Christmas.

And if you have time alone on Christmas Day this year, and would like company? Ask for it. Or, lie around with a face mask, watching some TV in peace. Either way, we got this.

Feature Image: Supplied.

You can hear more from 'The Friendly Psychologist' Jacqui Manning on Instagram or reach out on her website .