"I never appreciated my single mum... until I became one myself."

“I didn’t realise how hard she worked … until I was working that hard, too.”

My husband has been incredibly busy over the last several weeks and hasn’t spent much time at home. As I’ve prepared dinner each night, washed the dishes, given the baths, checked the homework, tucked the children in their beds, stepped on the Legos, and sprayed Napisan on the skid marks, I’ve sighed continuously and rolled my eyes and been a big pitiful baby about the whole thing.

Being a single mother sucks, I thought to myself as my boy smeared tomato sauce on his white shirt and my girl simultaneously screamed that there was a spider in the bathtub. I need help.

As I exhaled deeply and climbed the stairs for the 300th time, I thought of my single friends and my friends whose husbands often work long hours, and I suddenly felt very guilty for complaining because my husband is only temporarily absent.

I thought of a friend who solely parents two boys because her husband dumped her for his secretary in such a cliché and douchebag kind of way. She’s so strong.

I thought of another friend with three children under the age of five whose husband works 16 hour days. I don’t know how she does it.

And then I thought of someone I’d never thought of before.

Never, until tonight, did I think of my mum as a single mother.

When I was 11, my father passed away. He was many things to me: the disciplinarian, the one who fixed the satellite dish when rain made the television all fuzzy and I pouted because I couldn't watch Sesame Street, the one who told me to keep my eye on the ball, the one who spoiled me relentlessly, the one who provided the income to keep me in new Pumpkin Patch flats and Billabong t-shirts, the one who said he'd be in the trunk with a shotgun on my first date, the one who made me feel safe.

I thought of my mother — the young, widowed mum who never complained, sighed or rolled her eyes when the sink was full of dishes or when I slammed my bedroom door because I was a pre-teen and hated all of the world and everyone in it.

My mother, who mourned the love of her life, and yet made his passing all about me, the fatherless child. My mother, the single mother, who tried to discipline me without caving at my pleas and promises.

My mother, who held the ladder and got drenched while I climbed it and moved the satellite dish in a monsoon. My mother, who poorly attempted to throw a curve ball while I laughed at her.

My mother, who went from being a stay-at-home mum to working crappy jobs for little pay. My mother, who paced the house alone and prayed for my safety during my rebellious years.

My mother, who questioned the goofy perverted boys that showed up on the front door step. My mother, who made me feel safe in a world where daddies suddenly die and leave their children all alone.

And as I anxiously rushed around the house to do the things that my husband is usually here to help me do, my eyes began to well up with tears, but they weren't tears of frustration at his temporary absence.

They were tears of respect for my mother.

The single mother.

What do you appreciate about your mum now that you are one? 

This article was originally published on Whoa! Susannah and has been republished here with full permission.

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