Just 9 things that didn’t make sense in Sierra Burgess is a Loser.

If I were asked to name a hobby I enjoy, it would be: watching bad movies on Netflix then bitching about them later.

I’m a particular fan of bad movies in the teenage rom-com variety, which is why I was very surprised to discover To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before was actually good, and didn’t have all the problematic hallmarks of your average coming-of-age movie.

So when I saw the trailer for Sierra Burgess is a Loser, a Netflix original also starring the hot guy from To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before, I knew I had to watch it. For… research.

But also to see whether teenage rom-com's have entered a new era, of being woke and genuinely likeable and not so inherently flawed.

Just a heads up: they haven't.

What was striking about Sierra Burgess is a Loser were the countless instances where things didn't make... sense. Like, for example, the entire plot, but also everything that happened for approximately 105 minutes.

I've decided, therefore, that it is my duty to point out these issues, so we can all say, "oh yeah what the hell," together.

Note: If you don't want to read spoilers for Sierra Burgess is a Loser, stop reading now. 

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1. All the... literary quotes.

Having Sierra Burgess speak excessively in literary quotes is a particularly lazy way to tell an audience she's meant to be smart. Simply knowing a bunch of quotes from classic books is less a sign of intelligence and more a... quirk.

When Sierra tutors popular cheerleader Veronica in order to help her impress her college boyfriend, she also mostly focuses on... quotes.

BEING ABLE TO QUOTE FROM FAMOUS NOVELS ISN'T THE ONLY MEASURE OF INTELLIGENCE. Eugh.

2. School bullying is usually a bit more nuanced than the popular girl walking down the school halls saying, "I wonder what it's like to be a reject".

I thought we... knew this.

I'm not sure a popular girl has ever said this, and they also don't usually go around just straight up telling people they're ugly.

You can watch the trailer for Sierra Burgess Is A Loser below. Post continues after video.

IT'S 2018 WHY DO THESE STUPID TROPES STILL EXIST.

3. If Jamey is such a good guy who cares about what's on the inside, why did he approach a girl he'd never spoken to and ask for her number solely based on her appearance?

The complication of the movie starts with Jamey approaching the beautiful Veronica while she's at a cafe with her friends, and asking for her number. She gives him Sierra's number, because bullying, and he starts texting Sierra, believing it's Veronica.

We're meant to buy the idea that Jamey is a non-superficial guy who ends up with Sierra because it's really her personality that he's attracted to, but HE CLEARLY CARES ABOUT LOOKS BECAUSE HE APPROACHED VERONICA OUT OF THE BLUE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

4. The conversations between Jamey and Sierra aren't actually deep... at all.

The plot relies on the fact that the text exchanges and phone calls between Jamey and Sierra are so profound and meaningful that they fall in love.

Except... they're not.

Examples of important moments in establishing their relationship include: exchanging photos of animals, saying default things about stars, and talking about how much they both love sandwiches.

I'm fairly certain most people could have these kind of conversations with each other, if they wanted to. Surely true connections are based on more than a shared love of sandwiches? Surely?

5. The text messages. All of them.

Spotting the problems with the text messages in Sierra Burgess is a Loser will probably go down as one of my proudest moments.

Here's issue numero uno:

After receiving her first couple of messages from Jamey, Sierra goes to school and tells her best friend Dan that she's met a guy, and they've been texting "all night". There's a quick shot of her phone, as if to say 'look at all their text messages' - but the only messages that are there are the ones we saw the previous night.

There's a quick hello, a photo of Jamey, and a very short one-text exchange between the two. There's no sign they sent any other messages.

But perhaps the image of the phone was meant to imply there were more messages we weren't seeing. And the reason they didn't show a more elaborate text exchange was because they were bound to stuff up and make an error. Like they did in issue numero duo:

I know this is petty, but I'm nothing if not petty, especially when it comes to crappy movies.

You see, on the left, Jamey looks at his texts with Sierra, where she makes a joke about a photo she sent to him of two fish kissing (omg so funny). "It's all in the lips !" she writes. When we look at the texts from Sierra's perspective, however, there is no exclamation mark. The message just says, "it's all in the lips" and no that is not the text Sierra sent.

EXCUSE ME FILMMAKERS PLEASE GET THIS RIGHT BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE ME WILL NOTICE.

6. When the real Veronica and Jamey speak on the phone, the voice difference is such an issue that Sierra speaks, getting Veronica to lip sync. But then the real Veronica goes on a date with Jamey and speaks to him and there's no issue?

PEOPLE'S VOICES TEND TO SOUND PRETTY SIMILAR OVER THE PHONE AND IN PERSON. IF THEY SOUND COMPLETELY DIFFERENT IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU'RE BEING CATFISHED.

7. The total lack of consent in Sierra and Jamey's kiss.

On his date with the real Veronica, Jamey leans in to kiss her. Sierra, who is subtly hiding under his car, as you do, has previously asked Veronica not to kiss him, so Veronica forces Jamey to close his eyes, and replaces herself with Sierra so he kisses her instead.

In short, Jamey kisses a person he didn't know he was kissing, and therefore didn't consent at all.

The movie, however, passes this off as a true romantic moment.

NO. THAT AIN'T RIGHT.

8. Sierra is actually a kinda crappy person.

If Sierra Burgess is a Loser is meant to be about appreciating what's on the inside rather than external beauty, it... fails.

Catfishing, AKA luring a person into a relationship based on lies, is an objectively bad thing to do. Both Sierra and Veronica gaslight Jamey, and as much as Sierra apparently has genuine feelings for him, she doesn't seem to care very much that their connection is built on complete dishonesty.

Then, when she thinks Veronica intentionally kissed Jamey behind her back (which... she'd kinda be forgiven for doing, given she's been roped into a fake relationship with him), Sierra broadcasts a humiliating photo of Veronica to the whole school. It's slut-shamey and mean and it's very unclear why Veronica forgives her so soon after.

9. NO SANE PERSON WOULD AGREE TO PURSUE A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHO JUST CATFISHED THEM IN A REALLY ELABORATE WAY FOR A REALLY LONG TIME.

At the end of Sierra Burgess is a Loser, Jamey completely forgives Sierra, arriving at her house on prom night to tell her she's exactly his type.

The moral of the story is a 'lil bit that... catfishing works?

Jamey says he might not have noticed Sierra had they met in normal circumstances (cool, cool), but now that they know each other so well, via their conversations that were based on entirely false pretences, he sees how special their connection is.

He kisses her, and the movie is FIN.

That's.... no.

When I sat down to watch Sierra Burgess is a Loser I wasn't expecting a masterpiece but jeez.

Don't catfish. Ever.

It will definitely not win you Noah Centineo.