Wait, why did they give Shrek buccal fat removal?

Gird your loins, Shrek is back.

24 years after we first met our favourite curmudgeonly green ogre, the star-studded cast of Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy and Cameron Diaz are returning for a fifth film. And this time, they've been joined by Hollywood's leading lady of the moment: Zendaya.

Zendaya is playing one of Shrek and Princess Fiona's three children and I'm sorry, but weren't they triplets?

Whomst will play the other two? WHOMST, I ASK. Will one be voiced by Academy Award nominee Mikey Madison? Will another be voiced by the internet's darling, Timothée Chalamet? What about famed character actress Margo Martindale?

I digress, because the first sneak-peak was just released and there is something much more important for us to discuss today.

Someone gave Shrek a glow-up and it's not working for me, actually.

It looks like someone asked me to draw Shrek from memory. Like they put the concept of Shrek into Chat GPT and this is what it delivered. Like someone put the Instagram Paris filter over the entire animation.

Because who, I ask you, is this man?

A thrilling before and after. Image: Dreamworks.

Someone gave Shrek a makeover, complete with buccal fat removal, an eye lift and, dare I say, a potential jaw shave? He's been botoxed UP and seems to be sporting micro-blading on his brows to boot.

What. Is. Going. On.

Meanwhile, Princess Fiona looks a mess with her dollar store wig and Donkey is stressing me out with his scraggly energy.

Elsewhere, the Trolls-ification of the characters MUST be discussed. In the sense that the animation now looks like the Anna Kendrick classic, Trolls.

The entire animation style seems to have changed from Dreamworks' signature look that Mr. Shrek has donned for 24 years. He's now smooth and freaky and looks like a children's cartoon.

And yes, I know this is a children's movie. But that is not the vibe I've come to expect.

One argument to be made — by annoying people — is that technological advancements have made the OG Shrek look outdated. "He must be brought into the modern digital age," they say.

"NO!" I respond.

If you feel that way, I'm here to tell you that you're wrong and the internet is with me. We ride at dawn (and also, on Twitter).

Shrek 5 animation looks a fucking mess pic.twitter.com/p6k6LDTcmf

— * (@NAESlNTERLUDE) February 27, 2025

I don't know who this man is, but it ain't Shrek. pic.twitter.com/rTkNrsd639

— Ezra Cubero (@EzraCubero) February 27, 2025

are you guys seeing this....what did they do to her pic.twitter.com/XQtn4Xn1nT

— tiktok hater (@vancssasbeckett) February 27, 2025

They ruined it why😭😭 pic.twitter.com/x8pSQfjBGX

— duo covers (@duowlingocovers) February 27, 2025

That's Shrok and Dinkey

— Joshua (@8P4jkWN) February 27, 2025

Green has never caused so much discourse. And yes, I'm aware of the cultural impact of Charli XCX's BRAT, but she can not hold a candle to Shrek and his buccal fat removal.

However, I will certainly be seated in the cinema in 2026. With popcorn and a Diet Coke and a keen eye for animation styles. I will also be very, very excited. I guess I'm just a little unpredictable and concerned over animated beauty trends — your girl contains multitudes.

Feature Image: Dreamworks.